Blau Melinda - Secrets of the baby whisperer: how to calm, connect, and communicate with your baby

A Ballantine Book
Published by The Random House Publishing Group

Copyright 2001 by Tracy Hogg Enterprises, Inc.

All rights reserved.

Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto.

Ballantine and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

www.ballantinebooks.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data: 2001119051

eISBN: 978-0-345-44925-2

First Hard Cover Edition: February 2001
First Trade Edition: February 2002

v3.1

To
Sara and Sophie

The anecdotes included in this book are not necessarily based upon the experiences of individuals. A few of the portraits are composites, and in all cases, names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

The information and advice presented in this book have been reviewed by medical doctors. They should not, however, substitute for the advice of your personal physician or other trained health care professionals. You are advised to consult with health care professionals with regard to all matters that may require medical attention or diagnosis and to check with a physician before administering or undertaking any course of treatment.

Becoming the Baby Whisperer
The essence of what I do and how I developed my program

Loving the Baby You Gave Birth To
First days home; awareness and expectations

E.A.S.Y. Does It
The importance of a structured routine

S.L.O.W. Down (and Appreciate Your Babys Language)
Respecting babies feelings and understanding how they communicate

The EWhose Mouth Is It Anyway?
Breast- and bottle-feeding and other eating issues

The AWake Up and Smell the Nappy
What happens during babys waking hoursdiapering, dressing, playing, bath, massage

The STo Sleep, Perchance to Cry
Sleep patterns and practices

The YIts Your Turn
The importance of rejuvenating oneself, sharing responsibilities, getting support

Great Expectations: Special Circumstances and Unforeseen Events
Adoption, surrogacy, multiple births, preemies, and babies who cant come home from the hospital with Mum because of health issues

Three-Day Magic: The ABC Cure for Accidental Parenting
Understanding how parents unwittingly contribute to babies difficulties; the ABCs of changing bad patterns into good ones

I want to thank Melinda Blau for interpreting the work I do, for bringing her writing expertise to this wonderful project, and for making my voice ring true throughout the book. I knew from our first conversation that she totally understood my philosophy about babies. I am grateful for her friendship and her hard work.

Thank you, Sara and Sophie, my wonderful daughters. I have you to thank for awakening my gifts in the first place and for helping me relate to infants on a deeper, intuitive level.

I owe a debt of gratitude as well to my large extended family, especially my Mum and my Nan, for their patience, continuing support, grounding, and constant encouragement.

I appreciate beyond words the families who over the years have given me the opportunity to share their joys and their precious time. A special thanks to Lizzy Selders whose friendship and daily support I shall never forget.

Finally, I am grateful to the people who have helped me negotiate the new terrain of the publishing world: Eileen Cope of Lowenstein Associates, who stepped up to the plate and did such a good job seeing this project through; Gina Centrello, president of Ballantine Books, for believing in my work; and our editor, Maureen ONeal, for her ongoing support.

Tracy Hogg
Encino, California

Watching Tracy Hogg do her magic has been a delight. Although Ive interviewed many parenting experts and am a parent myself, her insights and strategies never fail to amaze me. I thank her for her patience with my endless questions and for letting me into her world. Thanks, too, to Sara and Sophie for loaning their mum to me.

I also am grateful to those of Tracys clients who welcomed me into their homes, allowed me to meet their babies, and helped me understand what Tracy has done for their families. A bow of appreciation as well to Bonnie Strickland, Ph.D., the consummate networker, for putting me in touch with Rachel Clifton, Ph.D.; to Rachel, in turn, who opened the doors to a whole world of infant research; and to other professionals who gave me their input.

I am always grateful to Eileen Cope, of the Lowenstein Literary Agency, for listening carefully, judging wisely, and standing by me, and to Barbara Lowenstein, for her many years of experience and guidance. Sincere thanks to Gina Centrello, Maureen ONeal, and the rest of the crew at Ballantine, who championed this project with unprecedented enthusiasm.

Finally, I must express my gratitude to two wise mentors, my octogenarian pen pal Henrietta Levner, and Aunt Ruth, who is more than a friend or a relative; both women truly appreciate what writing is and have always cheered me on. And I want to thank Jennifer and Peter, who were planning their wedding as this book was being written, for loving me even when I said, Sorry, cant talk now. To the others who are close to my heartMark, Cay, Jeremy, and Lorenayou all must know how endlessly grateful I am for our family apart. If not, Im telling you now.

Melinda Blau
Northampton, Massachusetts

One of the most common questions asked of me by prospective parents is, What books do you recommend we obtain for guidance? My dilemma has never been with the choice of a medically-based text, but rather with a solid volume presenting practical, simple, and yet individualized advice about early infant behavior and development. Now my dilemma is solved.

In Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, Tracy Hogg has given new (and even experienced) parents a great giftthe ability to develop early insight into their childs temperament, a framework for interpreting a babys early communication and behavior, and as a result, a set of very practical and workable solutions for remedying typical infant problems such as excessive crying, frequent feedings, and sleepless nights. One cant help but appreciate Tracys sensible English banterthe book is comfy, often chatty, humorous but practical and intelligent. It is an easy readnot overbearing but full of useful content applicable to even the most difficult of baby temperaments.

For many new parents, information overload from well-meaning family members, friends, books and the electronic media creates confusion and anxiety, even before a baby is born. Current publications dealing with typical newborn problems are often too dogmatic or, worse yet, too loose in philosophy. Barraged with these extremes, new parents often develop a style of accidental parenting, well-intentioned, but likely to produce even more problems with Baby. In this book, Tracy emphasizes the importance of a structured routine to help parents fall into a predictable rhythm.

She suggests an E.A.S.Y. cycle of eating, activity, and then sleep in order to detach the expectation of eating from sleeping, and thus time is created for the parentYou. As a result, babies learn to self-soothe and settle without a breast or bottle association. Cries or behavior observed after a baby is well fed are then able to be interpreted more realistically by new parents.