Paula Hall - Improving Your Relationship for Dummies

Improving Your Relationship For Dummies

by Paula Hall Improving Your Relationship For DummiesPublished by
John Wiley & Sons, Ltd
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EnglandE-mail (for orders and customer service enquires): cs-books@wiley.co.ukVisit our Home Page on www.wiley.comCopyright 2010 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West Sussex, EnglandPublished by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, Chichester, West SussexAll Rights Reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise, except under the terms of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6-10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS, UK, without the permission in writing of the Publisher. Requests to the Publisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd, The Atrium, Southern Gate, Chichester, West Sussex, PO19 8SQ, England, or emailed to permreq@wiley.co.uk, or faxed to (44) 1243 770620. Trademarks: Trademarks: Wiley, the Wiley Publishing logo, For Dummies, the Dummies Man logo, A Reference for the Rest of Us!, The Dummies Way, Dummies Daily, The Fun and Easy Way, Dummies.com and related trade dress are trademarks or registered trademarks of John Wiley & Sons, Inc. and/or its affiliates in the United States and other countries, and may not be used without written permission. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Wiley Publishing, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: The publisher, the author, AND ANYONE ELSE INVOLVED IN PREPARING THIS WORK make no representations or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work and specifically disclaim all warranties, including without limitation warranties of fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created or extended by sales or promotional materials. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every situation. This work is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or other professional services. If professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. Neither the publisher nor the author shall be liable for damages arising herefrom. The fact that an organization or Website is referred to in this work as a citation and/or a potential source of further information does not mean that the author or the publisher endorses the information the organization or Website may provide or recommendations it may make. Further, readers should be aware that Internet Websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read.For general information on our other products and services, please contact our Customer Care Department within the U.S. at 877-762-2974, outside the U.S. at 317-572-3993, or fax 317-572-4002.For technical support, please visit www.wiley.com/techsupport .Wiley also publishes its books in a variety of electronic formats. Some content that appears in print may not be available in electronic books.British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data: A catalogue record for this book is available from the British LibraryISBN: 978-0-470-68472-6Printed and bound in Great Britain by TJ International Ltd.10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

About the Author

Paula Hall is an accredited sexual and relationship psychotherapist who has worked with many hundreds of couples and individuals with relationship difficulties. Originally trained by and working with Relate she now works in private practice in Warwickshire. As well as writing about relationships she also provides professional comment on sexuality, separation and young people's issues to the national press, women's magazines, teenage magazines, websites, national and local radio and television. She also runs her own website at www.TheRelationshipSpecialists.com .

Author's Acknowledgments

It's really hard to know where to start and who to thank for helping me write this book. I first started learning about relationships from watching my parents, so thanks first to Mum and Dad for showing me the importance of love and respect in a marriage, as well as how to have an argument and make up afterwards. And whilst on the theme of personal experience, hoooge ongoing gratitude to my husband Steve who makes improving our relationship meaningful, exciting and endlessly rewarding.In the realms of professional, I'd like to thank Relate for their excellent training and continuing commitment to improving the relationships of thousands of couples each year. I'd particularly like to thank my colleagues and supervisors who've inspired, encouraged and challenged me to improve my practice, especially Angie Purdom, Marnie Brewster and Heather Storr. I'd also like to thank my publishers, John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. for giving me the opportunity to write this book. I'd especially like to thank Nicole Hermitage, who entrusted this mammoth project to me and Simon Bell for holding my hand throughout.Finally I'd like to thank all the clients I've seen over the years who've shared their relationship struggles with me. It is such a privilege to witness the courage and hard work so many people put into making their relationships better. Thank you for letting me join you on the journey, and for teaching me how unique and precious relationships can be.

Publisher's Acknowledgments

We're proud of this book; please send us your comments through our Dummies online registration form located at www.dummies.com/register/ .Some of the people who helped bring this book to market include the following: Commissioning, Editorial, and Media Development Project Editor: Simon Bell Content Editor: Charlie Wilson Copy Editor: Sally Osborn Acquisitions Editor: Nicole Hermitage Assistant Editor: Jennifer Prytherch Production Manager: Daniel Mersey Cover Photos: Jan Will / Fotolia Cartoons: Ed McLachlan Composition Services Project Coordinator: Lynsey Stanford Layout and Graphics: Ashley Chamberlain Proofreader: John Greenough Indexer: Ty Koontz Brand Reviewer: Zo Wykes

Introduction

I wrote this book because I believe everyone who's in a relationship wants to improve their relationship. That's not to say that every couple is on the brink of divorce or living in abject misery, but most people know that in at least some areas of their relationship they could do better. That might mean improving communication, becoming better at managing conflict, spicing up a flagging sex life or becoming more intimate and romantic. No one is perfect and that means no relationship is perfect, but there's always room for improvement.

What's more, couple relationships are always a work in progress'. They're never complete because they're made up of two individuals who continue to grow and change, who live in a world that never stays the same. As life changes, you and your partner are forced to adjust and renegotiate the rules and roles of your relationship. What worked for you two years ago before you had children may no longer work now you have tantrum Toby in tow and haven't slept for a month because of teething Tabitha. And the obsessive fascination and constant passionate desire you felt with your partner in the first few years may be little more than a fond wistful memory 30 years on. Whatever your circumstances, relationships change and it's up to you whether those changes are for better, or worse.