Christman Greg - Geek parenting: what Joffrey, Jor-El, Maleficent, and the Mcflys teach us about raising a family

Copyright 2016 by Stephen H. Segal and Valya Lupescu
All rights reserved. Except as authorized under U.S. copyright law, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Number: 2015946939

ISBN: 978-1-59474-870-7
eBook ISBN: 978-1-59474-871-4

Print book designed by Timothy ODonnell
Cover photography: SergiyN/Shutterstock.com (boy); Tetra Images (girl)
Cover and interior illustrations by Greg Christman
Production management by John J. McGurk

Quirk Books
215 Church Street
Philadelphia, PA 19106
quirkbooks.com

v3.1

For Maya, Liam, and Lanawhose brilliant imaginations allow me to be a mother to superhero siblings, hide-and-seek zombies, and moon-loving werewolves. Thank you for the magic you bring into my life every day.

VALYA DUDYCZ LUPESCU

To Kathy and Stu, whom I can count on to geek out with me, and to Samantha and Rashmika, whom we can count on to love us anyway.

STEPHEN H. SEGAL

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INTRODUCTION

Little Kal-El, rocketing toward a new family on Earth as the world of his birth explodes behind him. Sarah Connor, haunted by the knowledge that her son must someday lead his people through a terrifying robotic future. Brave Gretel, facing the life-changing decision to grab her brother Hansels hand and escape from a kindly stranger whose gingerbread invitation has turned deadly.

Stories like these are giftsand among the riches they give are examples that help make sense of the crazy world we live in. Hence this book, Geek Parenting , in which we seek wisdom, life lessons, and some much-needed humor from the parents and parental figures of geek cultures most famous fictional characters.

Parenting is hard. It may not be stop the supervillain and save the entire universe from destruction hard. But it weighs just as heavy on our shoulders. Parenting is what brings us to self-help guides and propels us into conversations with other moms, dads, and guardians. Beyond advice about diaper brands and prom protocol, what are we looking for when we ask these questions? To know were not alone. To be reassured that were not the only ones afraid of screwing up our kids. To be reminded that even Wonder Womans mom made mistakes sometimes.

When trying to cope with the challenges of parenthood, we geeks and nerds have one advantage over other parents: an archive of fantastic stories about first contacts, epic battles, provocative ideas, and poignant sacrifices. Whether on the page, on the screen, in four-color drawings, or around a gaming table, these sagas have made us the people we are. And they will make us the parents we want to be.

The thing that parents understand, from Battlestar Galactica s Commander Adama to Spider-Mans Aunt May, is that even when the world is crumbling around uswhether that means the loss of a loved one or a massive Cylon attack on the Twelve Colonieswe still have these small people entrusted into our care. Not only do we need to shield them from laser fire, but we also have to help them learn to navigate the chaos. Like the wisest wizard or ablest captain, we try to teach them to keep their light shining bright. To fine-tune their reason and creativity, protect their Achilles heels, and master their strengths for whatever quest or trek lies ahead.

The parents in these stories live complex, tumultuous liveson spaceships and doomed planets, in haunted houses and dark magical forests. Yet they find ways to love and care for their kids. They know that we cant abandon the task of preparing our children to face the Big Bads of the world. Not if the universe is falling apart, not if cosmic duties and magical destinies demand our time and attention. We have no choice. It is among todays kids that tomorrows heroes will be found.

A GEEK PARENTS PERSPECTIVE

VALYA SAYS: I think about this responsibility all the time because of my youngest daughter, who is gloriously terrifying in all her strength and stubbornness: first we help our kids to discover their power, then we teach them to use it for good. I think thats one of the most important lessons. We all find our own ways to say it, to teach it. But it all comes down to Stan Lees famous paraphrase of Voltaire: with great power comes great responsibility. Sometimes we can teach our children that lesson by holding their hands. Other times, we need to summon the courage to step aside and allow them to make their own mistakes.

The family relationships I found waiting for me amid the stories of geek culturesuperhero comics, sci-fi adventures, ancient Greek mythshave all become part of my toolbox as a parent. They give us models for how to teach compassion and discipline, strategies for dealing with heartbreaking decisions, ways to approach impossible situations and have hard conversations. Occasionally these characters show us how not to parent, like Coralines Other Mother. That helps, too. As a parent, you need as many points of reference as you can find.

Because when youre a sleep-deprived mother of three living in an unfamiliar city with few family or friends nearby to help, you really do feel a little bit like an alien, and you take comfort in the tales of parents who have survived the destruction of their planet, or mothers who have taken on armies or hidden their children in strange worlds to protect them.

When your nine-year-old comes home upset that a classmate is being picked on, and she doesnt know if she should risk getting bullied too by standing up for her friend, how can you not draw lessons from all the superheroes and fictional champions who fight for what is right? Sometimes being a good geek parent means talking with them; sometimes its knowing when to watch the right movie with your kid, or share the right comic book, to help them glean the wisdom on their own.

A GEEK KIDS PERSPECTIVE

STEPHEN SAYS: My mom and dad are each a unique flavor of colorful, brainy weirdo. As a kid, I always loved that; I cant remember a time when I wasnt quietly delighted that my parents were the most interesting ones I knew.

Mom, a bookworm who grew up to be a bodybuilding champion, found early inspiration in the classic American comic book heroes. It was her enthusiasm that focused my young TV-watching habits on shows like Batman , The Adventures of Superman , Wonder Woman , and The Incredible Hulk . Dad, a briefcase-carrying bank executive with an earring, a Harley, and a shelf full of golden age science-fiction novels, plugged me into Isaac Asimovs robot stories, J. R. R. Tolkien, Doctor Who , and far-out fantastical artists and musicians like M. C. Escher and Laurie Anderson. The two sets of influences met nightly after dinner, since our family meals together frequently segued straight into the 7 p.m. rerun of Star Trek .

In retrospect, I see that whether theyd consciously meant it this way, Dad was giving me lots of exciting stories of imaginative thinkers who figured out creative solutions to the universes problems, while Mom was giving me lots of exciting stories of morally brave outsiders who cared enough about their weaker neighbors to stand up against those who would harm them. The result was that, without ever getting dry lectures on any of these serious topics, I spent my childhood gradually developing the idea that the awesomest thing I could possibly be was a kind, smart, unique person who tried to make a difference in the world. Like Frodo Baggins. Or Lois and Clark. Or the Doctor.