Conway Kellyanne - What women really want: how american women are quietly erasing political, racial, class, and religious lines to change the way we live

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Copyright 2005 by Celinda Lake and Kellyanne Conway

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Control Number 2005053136

ISBN: 0-7432-8176-4
eISBN: 978-0-743-28176-8

To our mothers who opened doors and inspired our dreams and to the women whose voices are never heard

We often say that women succeed through collaboration, and nothing demonstrates that more than the process of writing this book. We relied on countless associationsfrom the professionals who guided us, to the friends and family who supported us, to the men and women across the nation who shared their thoughts, stories, and ideas.

First and foremost, our gratitude goes to our agent, Fredericka Friedman. Fredi had the vision and the determination that brought this book into being. We have benefited greatly from her insights about publishing, and her ability to ask the right questions, always probing beneath the surface to force us to more fully articulate the trends.

Catherine Whitney, who is an experienced nonfiction book collaborator, helped us to focus on what we do bestresearch and analysisby organizing the structure of the book and translating our data and conclusions into prose that is both a fascinating read and a significant statement about the future of women in America. We also appreciate the valuable input of Catherines agent, Jane Dystel.

We couldnt have asked for a better publishing home than Free Press at Simon & Schuster. Our editor, Leslie Meredith, has always been enthusiastic about the work, even as she pushed us to make our material stronger. We are very lucky to have her shepherding our book through every stage of publishing and marketing. Leslies assistant, Kit Frick, has been on top of every detail, and we appreciate her hard work.

Our staffsat Kellyannes company, THE POLLING COMPANY, INC.; and Celindas company, Lake Snell Perry Mermin/Decision Researchhave been invaluable. In particular, Angela Reale, Claire Meehan, and Monica Kemp at THE POLLING COMPANY, and Caitlin Murphy, Erica Stanley, and Alyssia Snell, at Lake Snell Perry Mermin, have repeatedly gone above and beyond the call of duty to organize the polls and disseminate the data. Celinda Lake would also like to thank Sharon Kolling Perin.

Kellyanne would also like to thank those family members and friends whose unconditional love, quiet sacrifice and loud encouragement help to make this bookand so much elsepossible and enjoyable, namely: husband George, babies George Anthony and Claudia Marie, mother Diane, father John, Pop Pop Jimmy, Aunts Marie, Rita and Angela, Uncle Eddie, Rene, Ron, Jay, Angel, Alexa, Astin, Giovanna and Jimmy, and in loving memory of and eternal admiration for grandmothers Antoinette and Claire.

Finally, we are grateful to the women who make what we do possiblethe quiet revolutionaries who are transforming the way we live in America.

The day after the 2004 election, Republican pollster Kellyanne Conway and Democratic pollster Celinda Lake spoke on the phone. Even though the contest between President Bush and Senator Kerry had been the most contentious in recent history, their conversation was collegial, and they were eager to shake off their red and blue cloaks as they returned to a project that had engaged them for two yearsan unprecedented collaboration to track the real trends in the lives of American women.

The two women couldnt have been more different. Lake, 52, was a member of the baby boom generation, single, and liberal. Conway, 37, was on the front end of Generation X, married in her thirties, a new mom of twins born sixteen days before the election, and conservative. Over the years, they had found themselves on opposite sides of some of the countrys most polarizing debates. Lake and her firm, Lake Snell Perry Mermin & Associates, represented organizations like Planned Parenthood, the AFL-CIO, and the Democratic National Committee. Conway and her firm, THE POLLING COMPANY, represented organizations like the Family Research Council, the Heritage Foundation, and the Republican National Committee. Many people would find it mind-boggling, if not impossible, that these two could be colleagues rather than combatantsespecially in November 2004. This is how it came about.

As the most prominent female pollsters and analysts in the country, Lake and Conway spend much of their time traveling the nation listening to the views of ordinary people from all walks of life. Political polling is only a piece of it. They are in the business of measuring attitudes and behaviors in many arenasto discover what people buy, what they believe, how they work, how they live, what they care about, what they fear, and what they want. They arent natural collaborators on a political stage, although theyve occasionally been part of bipartisan projects.

As often happens with women, however, they stumbled unexpectedly on a point of commonality. As they surveyed the nations women in the years after 9/11, they independently reached a surprising conclusion: Even though the political rhetoric was more heated and polarizing than ever, the divisions didnt seem to be there in many other areas. In the very places they expected disagreement they found agreement. Even when they viewed the results through the prisms of their different political leanings, each saw the same big trend: The emergence of a new vital centera united power base among women that was reshaping America more than politics. Women were acting in ways that blurred and, in some cases, erased all the usual lines of divisionpolitics, race, religion, age, and class.

What was going on? So intrigued were Lake and Conway about this discovery that they decided to explore further, and what they found was a radical new way of looking at womens influence.

One of the first things they realized was that in order to authentically examine the question of what women really want, they had to make a distinction between politics and other arenas of life. By its very nature, politics is divisive. Its goal is to have winners and losers, and its process is to choose one party, candidate, and platform over another. Politics tracks the population according to its differences, constantly separating the red from the blue. As pollsters for vying political interests, Conway and Lake each hold very strong viewsand client stakeholders to matchon the hot-button issues. But life is about much more than politics. While the media likes to focus on dissent because it is dramatic, the daily operation of society is all about commonality, with everyone striving to minimize the differences. A million silent agreements form the etiquette of society that keeps commerce humming, that allows neighborhoods to function, that maintains an orderly flow on highways. This etiquette isnt political, but its cultural weight is heavier and more lasting than the shifting winds of political opinion.