Croker - LOST IN TRANSLATION: misadventures in english abroad

This electronic edition published in 2019 Copyright Charlie Croker 2006, 2019 The right of Charlie Croker to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages. A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. (This is available as a BBC recording, Hoffnung: A Last Encore.) Many thanks to Louise Morgan for her illustrations. (This is available as a BBC recording, Hoffnung: A Last Encore.) Many thanks to Louise Morgan for her illustrations.

In some cases I think they should replace the original signs. Thanks are also due to the following for their intrepid efforts in the name of research: Kerry Duckworth, Nigel Farndale, Norman Geras, Markus Grupp, Marie Gumaelius, Rob Heeley, Chris Hope, Alison Lindsay, John Melbourne, Chris Pavlo and Mark Schuck. Its customary for authors to conclude their acknowledgements with the disclaimer that any errors which follow are entirely their fault. Please understand why Im not doing that here.

Y oure in a far-flung corner of the globe, its the early hours of the morning and youve just checked into your hotel after an exhausting flight. The prospect of a seven-thirty business breakfast is filling you with dread, and youve a nagging feeling you forgot to pack your toothbrush.

Very little seems right with the world. But then you notice a sign in the corner of the bathroom: Please to bathe inside the tub. Despite your tiredness, you cant help but smile. Yes youre Lost in Translation. All over the world, from Beijing to Buenos Aires, in hotels and restaurants and taxis and zoos (yes, zoos), these priceless nuggets of verbal dottiness lie in wait, ready to brighten the lives of the jaded voyagers who chance upon them. They are the reward points on our Travel loyalty card.

They are the treats we earn for enduring mislaid luggage, deep-vein thrombosis and stony-faced stewardesses. Never failing to amuse, they put a spring in our step with nothing more complicated than an off-balance vocabulary and some iffy syntax. Its English, Jim, but not as we know it. Sometimes you can tell what was meant: Our wine list leaves you nothing to hope for. Sometimes you cant: Nobody is allowed to sit on the both sides of the boat. Sometimes youre not sure whether you can tell or not: the Indian hotel, for instance, that warns No spiting on the walls.

Is that spitting or writing? If the former, why only on the walls? A hotel in Beijing tells guests they have No permission to wench. Is this a deliberately invented verb, a discreet euphemism for the professional activities of a certain kind of lady? Or do they mean something else? If so, what? Wrench? But what could you wrench in a hotel room? The mind boggles. Other entries belong firmly in the How did that happen? file. The fake Liverpool FC shirts in China, for example, which have meticulously copied every last detail, right down to the club crest... and then turned Youll Never Walk Alone into Youll Never Pickle Again. Occasionally youre left in doubt as to whether the language is wrong or not.

A notice in one Shanghai hotel reads: It is forbidden to play the recorder in guest rooms. Do they really mean recorder? If so, why? Has there been an epidemic of people playing that instrument? Do the Chinese take particular offence at it, even more than we do? Is that possible? The beauty of getting lost in translation is that you never know where youll end up. Some examples mess with your head: If you wish, you may open the window. Do not open the Window. Some are inadvertently beautiful: Little grass is smiling slightly, please walk on the pavement. Some verge on philosophy: Danger comes soonest when its despised.

But whatever the effect, a chuckle is never far away. A final word of caution. Amused as we are by other nations fumblings with our language, we should never forget that their English is infinitely better than our Thai/Polish/Vietnamese. Indeed, sometimes its better than our English youll find several examples in these pages from English-speaking nations, whether from the land of Shakespeare or the Land of the Free. So enjoy. and get thoroughly Lost in Translation. and get thoroughly Lost in Translation.

Have you spotted something youd like to see included in the next volume of Lost in Translation ? An item on a menu, an instruction leaflet, a hotel notice? If so, wed love to hear from you: lostintranslation@virgin.net

Youre heading for a world where the English language has been tweaked a little. The first signs come before youve even landed...
Air China brochure: Dear Passenger, Wish you have a joyful journey! When you are in public talking and laughing and drinking and singing living a happy life, suddenly you feel some part of your body is too itchy to endure. How embarrassed! Please dial fax 01-491-02538, you will gain an unexpected result.
Chinese in-flight magazine: Wed like to offer our affection as a gift by the white bird on sky to every genuinely go the same may together with you. This is our only requite to you.

And another: Besides, try to prepare all you need before pack, and then, you can arrange everythings position entirely, or you will make yourself confusion.
Instructions on a Korean flight: Upon arrival at Kimpo and Kimahie Airport, please wear your clothes.
Aeroflot advert: Introducing wide boiled aircraft for your comfort.
Caption in a Chinese in-flight magazine, underneath a picture of a kilt-wearing bagpipe player: A man dressed in a Scottish woolen skirt blowing air whistle.
Job recruitment advert for Nok Air airline, Thailand: If you are energetic, living, friendly...
Chapter title from a book about the history of the Garuda airline, Indonesia: Total Quality Qontrol.