Dobson - Straight Talk to Men

T he first edition of the book you are about to read was written more than two decades ago. It has sold more than a million copies since its publication and continues to represent my best understanding of what it means to be a man... Gods man... in todays topsy-turvy world.

I was forty-four years old when Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives was first published, and indeed, several experiences in my personal life were highly relevant to its content. My father had died recently (as you will read in chapter 3) confronting me with my own mortality. My own unexpected heart attack some years later served to emphasize the point. Our children were still at home and our house was fairly crackling with adolescent activity. Most importantly, I was knee-deep in the infamous midlife years as I sat down to write.

As it turned out, I never did go through what is commonly known as a classic midlife crisis (as described in chapter 16), but I did do my share of critical thinking during that era. By contrast, many of my friends and associates did struggle through a troubling experience in their forties. Some even went a little crazy when they realized that youth was gone and life was rapidly passing them by. Although sympathetic to their distress, I found it somewhat amusing to watch these men trying desperately to hold on to what was already long gone.

Twenty-plus years ago, and to some degree today, men in midlife crisis wore their self-doubt like a walking billboard for the whole world to see. Suit coats and ties were replaced by garish silk shirts, which were always left unbuttoned down in the direction of the navel. A bushy array of gray chest hair was usually on display. It had been carefully blow-dried. A gold medallion on a chain was usually nestled in the curly crop, presumably as a testimonial to youthful vigor. The men also did weird things with their hair, attempting to make a little look like a lot. (The frustrating thing about aging is that hair wont grow on the top, but it sprouts abundantly in the nose and ears.) In serious cases of baldness, this meant whipping the sideburns over the top and then cementing everything in place with super glue. Sharp-pointed Italian type shoes finished off the garb, accompanied by Rolex watches (probably fake) and heavy jewelry on both hands. So much for the appropriate uniform.

Men in midlife crisis then sought to beef up their image with racy automobiles. Their cars had to be sleek, fast, and hot. A Porsche or a Ferrari conveyed the proper message, but a guy with financial problems might have to settle for a Volkswagen with mag wheels. Thus outfitted, the aging gentleman and his shaky ego set out to conquer worlds unknown.

Sexual conquest was, and still is, the ultimate proof of virility for the over-the-hill gang. These men often try their luck with younger... hopefully gorgeous... ladies. They flirt with their secretaries and make passes at every skirt that passes by. They are also frustrated by their wives age, because it reminds them of their own.

I heard of one such man who came in one night and asked his wife what she was smearing on her face.

Cold cream, she replied.

Whats it for? he asked naively.

Wrinkles, came the response.

He thought for a moment and then said, Well the stuff is working. You got a whole raft of em.

An article that appeared in a local newspaper described another man with a similar attitude who abandoned his wife and ran off with another woman. This is what it said,

A young man spotted a Mercedes for sale in a newspaper. He telephoned to inquire, assuming the figure must be a typographical error. A woman answered the phone and told him the figure was correct. He asked whether or not the car was damaged. No, its in perfect condition, she told him. Then why was she selling it at such a ridiculously low price? Well, my husband just phoned me from Las Vegas. Hes there with his secretary. He told me hes leaving me and that he went broke gambling. He asked me to sell the Mercedes and send him half of what I got for it. Thats just what Im going to do!

This playboy is only beginning to realize what his fun and games will cost him. The consequences of infidelity usually reverberate for a lifetime and touch every member of the family. Im thankful, as I indicated earlier, that I did not experience these same pressures that brought the roof down on some of my friends. Shirley and I have now been married for over forty years and I couldnt be happier about that fact. I own no silk shirts and I drive a four-door sedan. Nevertheless, I