Dr. James Dobson - Dr. Dobsons Handbook of Family Advice: Encouragement and Practical Help for Your Home

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Cover by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota

Author photos by Harry Langdon: harrylangdon.com

Adapted from two previously published books: Home with a Heart: Encouragement for Families and Coming Home: Timeless Wisdom for Families .

DR. DOBSONS HANDBOOK OF FAMILY ADVICE

Copyright 1996/1998 by Dr. James C. Dobson, PhD

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

www.harvesthousepublishers.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Dobson, James C., 1936-

Dr. Dobsons handbook of family advice / James Dobson.

p. cm.

Adapted from: Home with a heart. Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House Publishers, c1996. Coming home. Wheaton, Ill.: Tyndale House, c1998.

Includes bibliographical references (p. ) and index.

ISBN 978-0-7369-4373-4 (pbk.)

ISBN 978-0-7369-4374-1 (eBook)

1. FamiliesReligious life. 2. ParentingReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. Christian life.

I. Dobson, James C., 1936- Home with a heart. II. Dobson, James C., 1936- Coming home. III. Title. IV. Title: Doctor Dobsons handbook of family advice. V. Title: Handbook of family advice.

BV4526.3.D63 2012

248.4dc23

2012002087

All rights reserved . No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

T hank you for your interest in this book, which we have titled Dr. Dobsons Handbook of Family Advice . It is a compilation of many of my favorite commentaries addressing the subjects of children; marriage; teenagers; grandparents; single parents; public, private, and home schools; blended families; medical research; and dozens of related topics. I hope youll find these suggestions helpful and practical for your own home.

The concepts and ideas included in this book were drawn from hundreds of radio and television commentaries aired throughout the United States and in more than 100 other countries on six continents. The listening audience is estimated to be in excess of 220 million people every day.

How do we explain such broad interest in family-related topics among the peoples of the world? This appetite for information is a relatively recent development. What we are observing now, however, is that millions of husbands and wives are concerned about the enormous challenges that are plaguing the institutions of marriage and parenthood. Indeed, the human family is a small community that is facing universal problems, including divorce, drugs, infidelity, juvenile delinquency, violence, and many other difficulties. This appears to explain why families in diverse cultures are suddenly receptive to timeless advice that is based on the wisdom of the Judeo-Christian system of values.

The commentaries you are about to read were written in a 90-second format, which makes them concise and to the point. I think you will enjoy them. Some are practical. Some are spiritual. Some are serious. Some are humorous. And some are intended simply to inspire the better angels within us. In the end, each commentary is designed to make its own small contribution to the relationships that matter mostthose that thrive in the home.

I believe these statements will hit close to where you live. Greetings to you and your family.

James C. Dobson, PhD

Founder and President of Family Talk

Colorado Springs, Colorado 80907

C hildren feel more secure, and therefore tend to flourish, when they know where the boundaries are. Let me illustrate that principle.

Imagine youre driving a car over the Royal Gorge Bridge in Colorado, which is suspended hundreds of feet above the canyon floor. As a first-time traveler, youre pretty tense as you drive across. It is a scary experience. I knew one little fellow who was so awed by the view over the side of the bridge that he said, Wow, Daddy! If you fell off of here, itd kill you constantly!

Now suppose there were no guardrails on the side of the bridge. Where would you steer the car? Right down the middle of the road. Even though you dont plan to hit those protective railings along the side, you just feel more secure knowing that theyre there.

Its the same way with children. There is security in defined limits. They need to know precisely what the rules are and whos available to enforce them. When these clear boundaries exist at home, the child lives in utter safety. He never gets in trouble unless he deliberately asks for it. And as long as he stays within those reasonable, well-marked guardrails, theres mirth and freedom and acceptance.

Your children need the security of defined limits, too. They may not admit that they want you to be the boss, but they breathe easier when you are.

I n the late 1960s, the phrase If it feels good, do it made its way around the counterculture. It meant, in effect, that a persons flighty impulses should be allowed to overrule every other consideration. Dont thinkjust follow your heart was the prevailing attitude. That foolish advice has ruined many gullible people. Those who ignore lurking dangers are casting themselves adrift in the path of lifes storms. We must be prepared to disregard ephemeral feelings at times and govern our behavior with common sense.

Not only can emotions be dangerousthey can also be unreliable and foolish. Im reminded of a story told by my mother about her high school years. They had one of the worst football teams in the history of Oklahoma. They hadnt won a game in years. Finally a wealthy oil producer asked to speak to the team in the locker room and offered a brand-new Ford to every boy and to each coach if they would simply defeat their bitter rivals in the next game. The team went crazy. For seven days they thought about nothing but football. They couldnt even sleep at night. Finally the big night arrived, and the team was frantic with anticipation. They assembled on the sidelines, put their hands together, and shouted, Rah! Then they ran onto the fieldand were smashed thirty-eight to nothing. No amount of excitement could compensate for the players lack of discipline, conditioning, practice, study, coaching, drill, experience, and character. Such is the nature of emotion. It has a definite place in human affairs but is not a substitute for intelligence, preparation, and self-control.

Instead of responding to your impulses, therefore, it is often better to hang tough when you feel like quitting, to guard your tongue when you feel like talking, to save your money when you feel like spending, and to remain faithful when you feel like flirting. Unbridled feelings will get you in trouble nine times out of ten.

So, before you chase after something that simply feels good, you might want to think it over. You could be about to make one of your greatest blunders.

I ts not easy to say no to children, especially in an affluent and permissive society. Toy companies are spending millions of dollars on advertising aimed at childrennot their parents. They know boys and girls are the very best customers. But by giving in to this pressure, parents may actually deprive their children of pleasure. Heres why.