Dr. James Dobson - Preparing for Adolescence: How to Survive the Coming Years of Change

1978 by Regal Books

Published by Revell
a division of Baker Publishing Group
P.O. Box 6287, Grand Rapids, MI 49516-6287
www.revellbooks.com

Revell edition published 2014

ISBN 978-1-4412-2483-5

Previously published by Regal Books

Publishing history:
First edition: 1978
Revised editions: 1989, 1999, 2006

Ebook edition originally created 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

All Scripture quotations are taken from:

KJVKing James Version. Authorized King James Version.

TLBScripture quotations marked (TLB) are taken from The Living Bible, copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

This book is dedicated to every teen and preteen who is navigating the waters from childhood to adulthood. Its an exciting journey, though sometimes challenging. I pray that this book will be helpful along the way.

Lets Huddle

Its the night of the big game.

For weeks, the football coaches have drilled the players on fundamentalson blocking, tackling, throwing and catching. The grueling practice sessions continued day after day.

Now the stadium is filled with screaming fans, and the opponents are waiting on the field. But before leaving the locker room, the coach gathers his team. Theres no time for any more practice sessions, but he wants to give the team one more word of encouragement, one last reminder of whats ahead. He knows that there will be little opportunity to teach or guide once the game has begun. His final words are vitally important and, in fact, could even change the outcome of the game. After his remarks have been delivered, he sends his team out to do its best.

A parent who is preparing his child for adolescence is functioning much like that football coach. Since childhood he has been systematically teaching the fundamentalsgetting the youngster ready for the approaching contest. They drilled and practiced throughout the elementary school years, continuing into junior high. They rehearsed the proper spiritual attitudes and moral values and they worked especially hard on building self-confidence. Finally, the moment of truth arrives and a concluding instructional session is held.

Dont forget what weve been teaching you, Dad says.

Watch out for the tackler I told you about, warns Mom.

Do a good job, son. We believe in you! they both shout.

Junior nods affirmatively and runs onto the field. His parents stand glassy-eyed on the sidelines, knowing that their coaching job is almost over. They have made their contribution, and the outcome now depends on the bony kid in the backfield.

Do you get the message? If you have a youngster in the preadolescent age, you should capitalize on this final coaching session prior to the big game. You must take this occasion to refresh his memory, provide last-minute instructions, and offer any necessary words of caution. But beware: if you let this fleeting moment escape unnoticed, you may never get another opportunity.

We must keep in mind that the kids are in the huddle with us. Throughout this book, Ill be talking primarily to the preteens who we hope will remember what theyve learned in practice and who sometimes feel that theyre alone out there on the field.

Most people who have already made the journey through adolescence recall the scary physical changes that were occurring during those early years. We also remember our sexual anxieties and the guilt that was associated with our strange new desires. We have not forgotten the self-doubt and feelings of inferiority that seemed unbearable at times. And, of course, we recall the emotional vulnerability to practically everything throughout adolescence vulnerability to failure, to ridicule, to embarrassment, to parental attitudes, and especially to any form of rejection by members of the opposite sex. Theres no doubt about it: adolescence was a turbulent voyage for most of us old folks (i.e., those over thirty!).

Where would such an educational effort begin, and what content would it cover? The book that you hold in your hand is addressed to those questions. It was written specifically for boys and girls between ten and fifteen years of age and is expressed in language that they can understand. This book describes the typical adolescent experience and discusses the delicate issues without flinching, including masturbation, menstruation, sexual morality, parent-child conflict, drug abuse, conformity, and, most importantly, the canyon of inferiority.

The open discussion in , which was taken from a recorded conversation with four teenagers, may be the most beneficial section of this book. These young people participated in an open discussion designed to explain to younger readers what they can expect to feel and experience in the years ahead. That recorded session, which took place in my home, was a meaningful time of sharing feelings and fears and hopes and dreams. I think you will find the text interesting and helpful.

So Preparing for Adolescence is a book for the huddle. Youve already spent years coaching your preteen in the fundamentals. Now the big game is upon you. But theres still time for those last-minute conversations and those words of encouragement that can mean the difference between winning and losing the game.

Im confident that you will handle this opportunity adequately.

James C. Dobson, Ph.D.

Note

James C. Dobson, Hide or Seek (Old Tappan, New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell Company, 1974), p. 108.

Chapter 1

The Secret of Self-Esteem

You are about to read a very personal book about an important time of life known as adolescence those years between childhood and adulthood. Some of you are nine, ten or eleven years old now, and youre just beginning to think about growing up. Youre not sure whats coming, but youre excited about the experience and want to know more about the details. This book is written for you.

Others of you are already teenagers, and these concepts will be important for you, too. Whether youre looking forward to your teen years or are already involved in them, youll soon understand a little more about the questions and problems that are likely to occur in the years immediately ahead.

But why make such a big deal about adolescence? Why should we go to the effort to learn about this period of life? Well, very honestly, growing up will not be the easiest thing youll ever do. It was not easy for those who are now adults, and you wont find it simple either. Its always difficult to grow up, because life presents many new demands when you enter a new phase. You dont remember it, Im sure, but before you were born you were curled up nice and cozy inside of your mothers warm body. You could hear her heart beating steady, soft and secure, and you were safe and warm and comfortable in that world that God had provided. All your needs were met and there wasnt a care in the world. You had nothing to worry about and not a single concern.