Fileta - Choosing marriage: why is has to start with we>me

The process of writing this book has been more about listening than teaching. It has been an intimate time of connecting with God, asking Him to transform my heart, to refine my character, and to enrich my marriage. Hes met me in ways that have built my faith and deepened my affection for Him and the work Hes called me to do. I dont know why Hes chosen me to deliver this message, but Im humbled and completely aware that its not my message and it has never been. Everything I do, I do for You, Jesus. Thank You for entrusting me with this message and teaching me with these words. Do with them whatever You see fit.

Im so grateful for my husband, John, the incredible man God knew I needed. He has been my strong partner, my safe place, my best friend, and my biggest fan throughout this entire processbut more importantly, throughout life. Growing, learning, and maturing with him by my side through the last decade of our marriage has been my greatest honor and privilege. The highs and lows weve been through have deepened our love, strengthened our commitment, and reminded us that together with Christ, theres nothing we cant overcome. I love you more than words can express. Go with me, my love.

To my beautiful children, incredible family, committed friends, faithful readers, loyal literary agency, talented publishing team, passionate ministry leaders, and everyone else who has had a hand in the process of taking an idea and turning it into a messageIm so grateful. Lets continue to trust God with the seeds weve sown for His glory.

B ecause of a degenerative eye disease, I live with basically one eye. You wouldnt know it looking at me, but an ophthalmologist explained to me that my left eye has reached the point where my brain doesnt rely on it anymore. What I see comes largely through my right eye.

I write with one eye too. Im a spiritual writer, steeped in the Christian classics, theology, and decades of studying Scripture. When I address marriage, its automatic for me to view it through that one lens.

Debra Fileta writes with two eyes. She has an uncanny spiritual awareness. By that I mean she understands not just biblical truth , but also biblical sense . Added to that, however, her other eye is the eye of a trained marriage therapist. She has worked successfully with numerous couples and can see patterns that thinkers who often write in book-paneled rooms might miss.

Take just the title of this book, for instance. Choosing Marriage is a marvelous way to describe, in just two words, the spirituality of marital commitment. It is loaded with profound theological meaning and provides a helpful metaphor. But Debra doesnt stop there. She offers numerous tools to make choosing marriage seem possible and practical.

In other words, Debra doesnt just inspire usplenty of spiritual writers do that; she also equips us. Rare is the writer who lives in both worlds so effectively.

You are about to enter the world of a humble wife who freely admits her own mistakes; a delightful companion who is enjoyable to spend time with; a partner in a marriage who inspires, amuses, and encourages; and a therapist who knows how to get your marriage from point A to point B.

Pour yourself a cup of tea, take time between chapters to savor the truth, and remind yourself why you got marriedor want to be married. With Debras gentle coaching, be equipped to keep choosing marriage.

Gary Thomas

Author of Sacred Marriage

September 2017

D ear Friend,

I am so thankful youve picked up this book. Ive thought of you and Ive prayed for you as I typed each page and thought through each chapter. I dont know your name, and I may not know your specific story, but one thing I do know is that were on this journey of life together, in need of God and in need of one another along the way. It has been said that we read to know we are not alone. My prayer is that through these pages, you will know you are not alone and be encouraged to continue moving in the direction of healing and hope.

This Book Is For

Married couples: This book is written for married couples who are facingor may one day facethe routine hardships and struggles that come with marriage. Its a book for couples who are either filled with hope or low on hope, offering them practical steps to take themselves and their marriages to a better place. It will encourage, inspire, and equip them to see that choosing marriage is not just a one-time decision, but a choice we must learn to make every single day.

Engaged Couples: This book is also for those who are anticipating entering marriage. Too many couples are going into marriage unprepared for this significant life change and the challenges they will face. I believe with all my heart that the more you know before marriage, the better youll do in marriage. This book will prepare and equip engaged couples, empowering them as they look forward to the commitment of choosing marriage.

Singles: When it comes to learning about marriage and healthy relationships, you can never start too early. In fact, I believe the greatest times of learning and preparation for marriage happen while youre standing alone. This book is for any single person who is hoping to get a front-row seat to the ingredients of creating a healthy marriage. Often our culture paints a negative view of marriage, questioning if a good marriage is even possible. This book will encourage and inspire you to see that choosing marriage is certainly worth the work.

This Book Is Not For

As a licensed professional counselor, I know some of you picking up this book come from a background with issues of abuse, addiction, or abandonment that trump the routine hardships and struggles of marriage. You feel discouraged, alone, and hopeless, and youre desperate for something to make your marriage better. If this is you, know that while the concepts in this book may offer you encouragement in your healing process, the journey of healing is not one you should ever be walking alone. You need to understand many important principles and practices for dealing with abuse, addiction, and abandonment, and your highest priorities should be your own physical safety, emotional well-being, and spiritual nourishment. Its important to seek the help of a professional counselor to help you navigate your specific journey of healing, starting by getting healthy from the inside out.

Whoever you are and wherever you are on this journey, Im so thankful that youve entrusted me to be a part of it. I look forward to praying for you and hearing from you along the way.

Sincerely,

About the Author

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor, national speaker, relationship expert, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. Shes the creator of the popular relationship blog, TrueLoveDates.com, where she writes candidly about love, sex, marriage, and dating. Her blog offers hundreds of articles, courses, and resources and reaches millions of people every year with the message that healthy people make healthy relationships. You may recognize her voice from her 200+ articles in magazines and publications such as Relevant Magazine, Crosswalk.com, IAmSecond, Boundless, Christianity Today , and many more across the web.

She and her husband, John, have been joyfully choosing marriage for more than a decade and have three beautiful children. As an extrovert, she loves interacting with her readers, so take a minute to connect with her on Facebook (www.facebook.com/TrueLoveDates) and Twitter (@DebFileta) or reach out to her at debra@truelovedates.com.

A Note from the Author

. William Nicholson, screenwriter, Shadowlands, Price Entertainment, 1993.