Hawkins - Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life

Dr. David Hawkins

HARVEST HOUST PUBLISHERS
EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Verses marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189 USA. All rights reserved.

Cover by Koechel Peterson & Associates, Inc., Minneapolis, Minnesota

This book contains stories in which the author has changed peoples names and some details of their situations to protect their privacy.

DEALING WITH THE CRAZYMAKERS IN YOUR LIFE

Copyright 2007 by David Hawkins

Published by Harvest House Publishers

Eugene, Oregon 97402

Hawkins, David 1951

Dealing with the crazymakers in your life / David Hawkins.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN-13: 978-0-7369-1841-1 (pbk.)

ISBN-10: 0-7369-1841-8 (pbk.)

1. Interpersonal conflictReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4597.53.C58H39 2007

158.2dc22

2006024323

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 / LB-CF / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

We may be tempted to use the term crazy-makers in jest. We might use it casually to describe anyone who upsets us. In reality, crazy-makers are neither funny nor fun. They are challenging at best and threatening at worst.

This book is dedicated to the countless clients who have shared their crazy-making stories with me during my 30-plus years of counseling. Many have struggled valiantly against people who have manipulatively twisted their words and emotions. I offer this book as a beacon of hope, offering insights and strategies for dealing with crazy-makers who use aggression to scare us, myriad hurts and wounds to make us feel sorry for them, and arrogance to overwhelm us. This book is written to help you set healthy boundaries and break free from such manipulation so you can be everything God intended for you to be.

Writing a book is a huge project, requiring a thoughtful and imaginative beginning, a nurtured and persistent middle, and a strong ending. It takes many contributors, and I am but one of them.

The inspiration for this book came in large part from my editor and friend, Terry Glaspey, as we sat having lunch at Maggies in Shelton, Washington. We joked about the crazy-makers we have known and spoke about the importance of writing a book like this. Thanks again, Terry, for believing in the importance of this project.

I am deeply indebted again to my wife, Christie, who joyfully read every chapter, offering keen insight and wisdom to improve my writing. I am blessed to have an in-home editor who asksyes, asks!to read my writing and offers powerful perceptions with grace. She knows how to deliver constructive criticism in a way that almost feels good. Thanks, Christie.

I have been blessed to have Jim Lemonds on my editorial team for another project. Jim, a trained and talented writer in his own right, always offers ways to strengthen the voice and flow of my writing. Thanks, Jim.

I have been blessed to again have Gene Skinner provide the copyediting of my book. Were a great team, man, and I so appreciate working with you.

Finally, I must again thank the team at Harvest House Publishers, who are more like a family to me every day. I wont try to name every one of them, but the number of godly professionals who work tirelessly to bring a book to print is incredible. As the number of books mount, and my relationships with these people grow, I count myself blessed to have them publishing and promoting my books.

If despair comes to our own small lives, so comes the avenue for allowing it to deepen and change us.

C HRISTINA B ALDWIN

Do you ever feel as if youre going crazy, wondering if the problem is with you or the people around you? Have you been in a conversation where your head starts swimming and you forget the topic of the conversation? Has someone close to you told you what you were feeling or perhaps even what you were thinking? Or have you been involved in a conversation, suddenly realizing you werent following at all? Do you ever feel drawn into a conversation you didnt want to have in the first place?

For most of us, certain situations make us feel uncomfortable, and we wonder what is going on. Some people in our lives, often close family members, make us tense, on edge, irritable. Are we nuts? Are they nuts? Leaving our personal world, weve entered into the spinning world of the crazy-maker.

We all know crazy-makers, and even though we may feel ill-equipped to interact with them, we can develop some skills that will help us remain healthy while relating with them more effectively.

Just last week I saw three different people who were struggling with crazy-making people in their lives.

Sarah was first. She arrived noticeably agitated, fidgeting with the buttons on her blouse. She blurted, I cant handle gardens with too much color. Its sensory overload. It reminds me of my familyrandom and out of control. I like gardens made of white flowersthey soothe me.

Sarah was 25 and single, taking drama classes at the local community college. She had come to see me for symptoms of depression. She appeared too thin for her modest frame, as if a strong wind might whisk her off her feet.

Tell me more about your family, I said.

They make me crazy, she said, waving her hands in the air. I dont know why or even how. Thats why Im here. Ive got to figure it out because they make me nuts, and I hate it.

Be more specific, Sarah. Describe a family setting and what happens to you when youre in it.

Okay, take this past weekend. First of all, it was chaotic. I stopped by to see my mom and stepdad. Everyone was talking at once. My sister was there too, and she always drives me nuts. My mom makes me feel crazy a minute after were together, so the two of them at once feels like a zoo.

What do they do to make you feel crazy?

My sister makes me feel crazy because everything has to be about her. Shes a crisis queen. You know the kindher life is always in an uproar. Shes fighting with her boyfriend, whos a loser on drugs, and she wants to borrow more money from my parents. Its always about her. Heaven forbid that I have something going on in my life. She could never stand to give up the spotlight long enough for me to have any problems.

Whats her name?

My sister? Her name is Denabut I call her Drama.

Sarah paused as though searching her files for additional evidence.

Then theres my mom. Shes on her fourth marriage. She cant seem to hang onto a man. She changes men like she changes outfits. And she does that a lot too, by the way. What she spends on clothes could feed a small country.

What does she do that drives you crazy?

She and my sister always seem to compete to see who gets the most attention. Every time I share something, theyve already been there, done that, and have the T-shirt.