Lucci Susan - All my life: a memoir

A MEMOIR

SUSAN LUCCI

WITH LAURA MORTON

To Helmut, Liza, and Andreaswho are my world

T HE STREAK IS OVER!

When I heard the very charming Shemar Moore utter those now-famous words onstage, my first thought was that he was announcing some play-off score for the audience. I had been to many charity events over the years where the MC kept the crowd up to speed on important sports scores, so I honestly didnt realize what was happening. The truth is, after my ninth Emmy loss, I couldnt hear the name of the person who won anymore. I would become numb as the winner was called out because, well, I had lost so many times. Was it self-protection? I think it must have been. But the way I always knew I didnt win was when somebody else stood up and made her way to the stage. Everybody in the audience, including me, was applauding and looking at hernot at me.

The Emmys that year were held at the Paramount Theatre inside Madison Square Garden because Radio City Music Hall, the usual location, was being renovated. Madison Square Garden is one of New Yorks great landmarks, so it was exhilarating to attend the awards there as a change from the usual venue. My husband and I walked the red carpet, where we were greeted by the press and many dear, upbeat fans. I was invigorated by their enthusiasm but was doing everything I could to keep myself calm.

Susan, who are you wearing tonight? one entertainment reporter asked.

I was wearing a beautiful white silk Badgley Mischka gown. It had a tracing of platinum and a sprinkling of crystal beads. I also had gorgeous Fred Leighton chandelier earrings on and was carrying a matching Judith Leiber beaded bag.

My husband, Helmut, and I made our way into the theater, where we were seated in the front row next to Rosie ODonnell, who was to my left. I had enjoyed appearing on Rosies show a few times. She was always very warm and gracious, though I didnt know her that well. We greeted each other and then she leaned over to me and said, Susan, when you go up onstage tonight to claim your Emmy, why dont you give me your evening bag. Otherwise, when they announce your name, youll be very excited, youll stand up, and youll step all over that gorgeous bag and that wont look pretty on TV.

Oh, thank you, Rosie, I said. That is so nice of you, but history has taught me that I am probably not going up there tonight. I am a hopeful person, but past shows have proved that its likely I wont win. Then we both nervously laughed at the obvious.

Even after Shemar shouted, SUSAN LUCCI! I remained seated. I didnt hear him call my name.

The only way I knew I had won was that Rosie reached over and grabbed my bag. It finally clicked that Shemar was referring to me when he said, The streak is over. Of course, I was in total shock. This was the first time my name was mentioned after the envelope had been opened. I could barely muster up the strength to stand on my very wobbly legs or to hug Helmut, who had to literally pick me up by my elbow.

I leaned into Helmut and whispered, Are you sure?

Yes, he said as he gallantly escorted me to the stairs leading to the stage.

I slowly walked up each step trying to remember what I thought I might say, you know, just in case. I rarely prepared an acceptance speechit seemed unnecessary after nineteen nominations and eighteen losses. I was so weak in the knees as I walked toward the podium, I was worried that I wouldnt be able to stand.

Okay. I will admit that the night before the awards ceremony, for the first time in quite a while, I began to think there was a possibility that maybe this would be my year. The media certainly held out great hope. Plus, it had been a good year for the show. My story line was very strong. It primarily revolved around Ericas intervention with a then-eleven-year-old Bianca, my daughter on All My Children, who was struggling with an eating disorder. The scenes were wonderfully written and so many people were saying that they thought the performances and the writing were deserving. Yet I had heard that sentiment many times in the past, so I didnt want to get my hopes up too high. But if, for some reason, it was meant to be, I didnt want the moment to go by without thanking the people who mattered most. So, just before falling asleep the night before, I mentally created my list, you know, on the off chance.

By the time I reached the center of the stage, I finally had the courage to turn around and face the audience for the very first time. Everyone in the room was on their feet, cheering. I saw all of my peers in the industry crying and rejoicing in this moment with me. It felt as if it were a collective win for all of us. I watched in awe as Rosie ODonnell, Marcy Walker, Leeza Gibbons, Gayle King, Kelly Ripa, Mark Consuelos, Peter Bergman, and my wonderful costar David Canary, and all of the tremendously talented women who were also nominated that night helped me soak in that unforgettable moment. I was so taken aback by their generosity, love, and support.

The standing ovation went on for what felt like forever, and in TV terms I suppose it wasit lasted four very long minutes. Dick Clark later told me it was some kind of award-show record. I was especially grateful that he, as one of the executive producers, had allowed that beautiful, wonderful applause to continue on because in that time, I was able to get over my cream-cheese legs, catch my breath, gain a little bit of my composure, and miraculously remember the thoughts I had collected for this very moment while in bed the night before.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I cant believe it.

You are so kind. I tried to start speaking even as I struggled to fight back my tears of joy, but the audience kept cheering. I took a step away from the microphone and looked stage right, where I caught a glimpse of Oprah Winfrey, who was standing in the wings jumping up and down, clapping and pumping her fists in the air.

Oh, Oprah! I said in total awe. I simply couldnt believe she was cheering for me.

Me!

I clutched my precious golden-winged statue against my chest like I was holding a newborn baby and I began to speak.

I truly never believed that this would happen. First of all, I want to thank each and every one of you in this room. This is a roomful of such talented, hardworking people. And the fact that you have thought that my work was worthy of notice

NINETEEN times (this got a good laugh)

It is something that I will treasure always