Moss - Glop: nontoxic, expensive ideas that will make you look ridiculous and feel pretentious

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For Jesse. Who else?

Contents

1. 
   baur/Shutterstock
   Achieve
   
2. 
   Depositphotos
   Exist
   
3. 
   sacura/Shutterstock
   Create
   
4. 
   Depositphotos
   Gain
   
5. 
   Depositphotos
   Look At
   

Depositphotos

Recently, at an after-party celebrating the opening of a new chain of ultra-luxe, high-end sweat lodges, I was having a wonderful time chatting with Dave Grohl, Melinda Gates, Naomi Campbell, Justin Trudeau, and the shark from Finding Nemo. We were having great wine, great conversation, and great paleo pizzatizers (cucumbers, bee pollen, and a glass of strained water), when Dave asked me what my lifestyle website, Glop, was. And I really had to think for a moment.

I first rose to prominence as an acclaimed actress who appeared in award-winning films, as well as a selfless humanitarian who occasionally appeared in slightly less award-winning films as a personal favor to Jude Law. But while those were careers, Glop is my passion. And passions can be a bit more difficult to explain. So I began to ponder. What, really, is Glop?

Glop is a business and a website, of course. But Glop is also a feeling.

Glop is realizing that if you pick the right expensive organic eye cream, you can finally become a tall, thin, wealthy blonde WASP who fits seamlessly into the top tiers of high society, but also seems like shes tried ayahuasca (not, like, a drug addict amount; just a tiny bit to help quit smoking).

Glop is knowing in your heart that if you finally pay attention to all the tiny decisions that make up our liveswhat to eat, where to buy your cashmere yoga pants, which juice cleanse will remove the most toxins from both your body and your cashmere yoga pantsyou can create an existence that you are proud of; so proud that you eventually transform from a regular person into a person who has been seated next to Bono at a 42-course seitan tasting dinner held in a sex dungeon deep beneath the North Pole.

Glop is understanding that if youre able to carefully and intelligently monitor the things that your children eat, play with, and do, theyll grow up to be happy, healthy, and strong, and live beautiful lives that are never marred by rumors that they only shower with bottled water that has been stored in Emma Thompsons garage.

Glop means all this and so much more to me and the people I share it with.

When I turned back to Dave to tell him all of this, I realized that I was actually no longer at the party. In fact, I was midway through a Concorde ride back to my cozy third London mansion (my children, Philamena Hoobastank and Chard, playfully call it our Wednesday house).

But then I realized, this information shouldnt be confined to dinner party chit-chatI needed to share it with you, the people who make Glop matter. In the pages that follow, Ill share my favorite recipes, detoxes, activities, juice cleanses, vacation destinations, beauty tips, destination juice cleansedetoxes, and a selection of hand creams that will open your third eyethe very things that make me me, and can now help make you me (and, of course, every item mentioned herein is available for purchase on our website).

Like Glop the site, Glop the book is divided into five categories that cover the key areas in life:

Achieve

TAKING CARE OF YOUR BODY, INSIDE AND OUT (YOU REALLY SHOULD ALREADY HAVE DONE ALL THIS STUFF, BUT I WONT TELL)

Exist

SELF-DISCOVER ALL THE THINGS YOU WERE DOING WRONG, SIMPLY BY BEING YOURSELF

Create

STUFF YOU GET TO TAKE CREDIT FOR!

Gain

ITS NOT CONSUMERISM, ITS MINDFUL ACCUMULATION

Look At

MY PICKS FOR THE MOST GRIPPING, ABSOLUTELY MUST-SEE CULTURE FROM AROUND THE WORLD THAT ONLY I KNOW HOW TO GOOGLE

Sometimes people ask me, Hey, dont you think these categories overlap a lot? Usually, right after they ask, the alarm on my phone goes off, indicating that its time to take some of the chakra-balancing supplements I made from a rare tropical fish that isnt technically endangered because no one except me has heard of it. By the time Im finished and am able to respond to them, theyve gone. Crisis averted!

Dance like someone is watching (because I am),
G