Schlossberg - Overwhelmed

OVERWHELMED

NANCY K. SCHLOSSBERG

Copyright 2008 by Nancy K. Schlossberg

First M. Evans edition 2008

This M. Evans paperback edition of Overwhelmed is an original publication. It is published by arrangement with the author.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

Published by M. Evans

An imprint of The Rowman & Littlefield Publishing Group, Inc.

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Estover Road, Plymouth PL6 7PY, United Kingdom

Distributed by NATIONAL BOOK NETWORK

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Schlossberg, Nancy K., 1929

Overwhelmed: coping with lifes ups and downs / Nancy K. Schlossberg. 2nd ed.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN-13: 978-1-59077-126-6

1. Change (Psychology) 2. Life change events. 3. Change (Psychology)Case studies. 4. Life change eventsCase studies. I. Title.
BF637.C4S35 2008
158.1dc22

2007018494

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.481992.

Manufactured in the United States of America.

To my granddaughters, who give me great joy and strength to face whatever lies ahead; Robin, age four, and Jennie Rose, age two; and to Charlie Tolchin who dealt with lifes blows, facing death all through his young life, with courage and equanimity. They are my inspiration.

Jason Hallman, my editor for the Lexington Books edition of Overwhelmed, supported my efforts to find another publisher once Lexington moved exclusively into the textbook business. He sent my work to Camille Cline, then acquisitions editor at Taylor Trade Publishing. We immediately connected. Working with her on the new edition has been a pleasure.

Two interns from New College, Sarasota, FloridaHeather A. King and Lisa N. Harringtonsimplified the library research. For example, Heather uncovered all the newest references on resilience, which I have built into the text, and Lisa clarified the research on work-life fit and work-life balance. Their help was enormous.

My colleague and dear friend, Stephanie Kay, is always there giving me support. She encouraged me to incorporate the Transition Guide, our joint product, as the final chapter of the book.

Betty Bowers, secretary and friend, helps in countless ways, the most important of which is the commitment she shows to my various projects. She typed the original manuscript in 1989 and is on board again in 2005. Modern technology makes it essential to have a computer guru on hand. Tudor Stefan Popescu, assistant administrator at the Cosmos Club in Washington, DC, continually helped me with computer problems, making it possible to produce this book. Thanks to the continued support given by the colleagues with whom I have worked over the years. The assistance given by Richard Chapman, Karen Samuelsen, and Jun Li is greatly appreciated.

Many thanks to my friends, Norma Sue Madden and Marcia Weiss, who have supported me since junior high school days as I cope with personal and professional transitions; and to my husband, Steve, and adult children, Karen and Mark, with whom I share the joys and sorrows that are part of the adult years.

I am especially grateful to those who shared their life stories with me, which showed their enormous resources to manage change, teaching me that the best is yet to be.

Why write a new edition of Overwhelmed? In 1989, when it was originally published, Google did not exist, 9/11 meant nothing, Internet dating was unheard of, talking on cell phones on every street corner was nonexistent, househusbands were hardly a blip on the landscape, and the issue of grandparents raising grandchildrenfour million of themwas not addressed.

We have survived an overwhelming attack on our security, many have faced job loss, there is no longer the assurance that working hard and being loyal to the company will result in promotions, most families no longer have the opportunity to choose to work or stay at home, and an increasing number of people cannot afford health insurance. Furthermore, the Internet has changed our lives. In addition to instant communication, people are falling in love over the Internet. In short, people are facing new challenges as they try to balance work and family, loyalty to a workplace and loyalty to themselves. As sociologist Phyllis Moen wrote, Millions of Americans... [have] too much to do and too little time to do it, often with the need and desire to be at two places at once. As one young woman said, I wish I could clone myself. I need to be two people.

I remember the overwhelming pressures I felt when working full time as a professor, raising two children with my husband Steve, and caring for two parents when each was terminally ill, thinking, If I am having such stress, what about people who do not have secure jobs with pensions, what about the single parent, recently divorced, with little financial resources, but with family obligations?

The pressures people experiencein all walks of liferequire a new look at Overwhelmed: Coping with Lifes Ups and Downs. No matter where I went, I heard stories of people feeling pushed to the limits. Whether it is the woman supporting a family of four on limited income; the single parent by choice; the man supporting and physically caring for his mother and disabled sister; the retired professor suddenly thrust into caring for grandchildren; the writer dealing with rejection; the friend not understanding why a relationship has dissolved; the lover of sixty years putting his wife in a nursing home; women feeling pressure to be perfect moms, work performers, and attentive lovers; the woman who discovers her husband has been having an Internet affair with a bimbo whom he later marriesthese and others highlight the universal feeling of being overwhelmed.

The ability to tackle this, to handle it, to turn it into an opportunity is what is crucialnow more than ever. So the decision to update Overwhelmed was made. Overwhelmed is a book that is unique in the way it helps people make sense out of the enormous transitions they face in everyday life. It is the only book on transitions that is based on years of researchstudies of people moving, adults returning to school, people whose jobs were eliminated, retirement, non-events like not having a baby or not getting promoted, and so on. These studies resulted in the development of a generic framework for understanding any type of transition. Based on this research, Overwhelmed presents a step-by-step approach to turning overwhelming transitions into challenging experiences. By systematically sizing up transitions and ones resources for dealing with them, people can learn how to build on their strengths, cut their losses, and even grow in the process. In other words, this book is more than inspirational. It provides a person with tools for understanding and action. In summary, my work on transitions provides a systematic approach to any transition that is based on a theoretical framework but written in everyday language.