Seth - How To Make Friends At Work

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Copyright Suhel Seth 2011

The moral right of the author has been asserted

This digital edition published in 2017.

e-ISBN: 978-9-386-81506-4

This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publishers prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

RULE 1

Networking Rule

(dont try to make important friends)

WHAT THIS RULE
WILL TEACH YOU

The difference between
status and talent

The need to be a
2 am friend

The rules of friendship
with a VIP

Now, we come to the most important question, the answer to which I know youve all been waiting. How the hell does Suhel know so many people? Whats his secret to cultivating important friends? Well here it is: the worst thing you can do is go looking for VIPs. If you follow the last few rules, you will meet a larger group of people who, hopefully, will be as bright as you are and thus be successful too.

Importance is transitory (well come to this later on), so look for accomplished people, not important people. If you look for accomplished people, you are a talent seeker; if you look for important people you are a designation seeker. Remember, the talented become important and remain relevant. Rajdeep Sardesai and Arnab Goswami, both of whom head two very prominent TV news channels, are very dear friends of mine. They were news anchors when I first met them and I became friends with them because they would invite me to speak on some of their shows. Rajdeep and Arnab are also self-made, like most of my friends. I dont worship my friends riches but I do worship their accomplishments and talents. If I were you, I wouldnt be eyeing the boss; Id make a beeline for that bright young executive who always makes a smart point at every meeting, or the unknown journalist who writes the funniest stories, or the rookie ad filmmaker who dreams of becoming the next Raju Hirani or Dibakar Bannerjee. These are the people with the ticket to the future. I was always sure my friend Ashoke Viswanathan, who directed me as Bhutto in the play by the same name, would one day become one of Indias finest directors. Not once did I refuse to act with him or be part of any of his plays. It is this belief in a persons abilities that you must harbour, irrespective of where the person stands at the moment.

If you were to strip my philosophy down to its barest essential, this would be it: aim always to make friendships, not contacts. People cant be names on a business card for you to collect. To be truly well connected, you need to make relationships, find people you care for and who care for you. The key is not to see networking as something that is simply transactional. If you take that approach, you will never succeed in making genuine friends. My famous friends are first my friends, and I am committed to them (remember the Trust Rule).

Friendships require investment. Start by meeting people and asking yourself if you like them enough to want to be their friend. Do you enjoy talking to them? Do you have things in common with them? Are you willing to give them time and attention, to be, what I call, their 2 am friend? Someone who is there for them no matter what or when. Do you understand and relate to what they like or dont like? Lastly and crucially, are you happy when they do well? I have always been genuinely happy for friends who have become successful. Theyre my friends and friendship is unconditional.

On the flip side, I have plenty of enemies because of my strong likes and dislikes. Some of these are very important people. I dont give a toss about how powerful these people are but if they have done things in my presence that I dont respect then I dont want them in my house. So bottom line, when youre looking to make friends, focus on yourselfwho you are, your interests and beliefs, your likes and dislikesas much as the other persons status.

F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said that the rich are different. I disagree. Theres no special VIP DNA. The rich are just like the rest of us. But there are a few things you need to keep in mind.

At the heart of any friendship lies equality and the key to a friendship with someone wealthier and more influential than you is to keep your parity. I share my feelings and opinions freely with my friends (a little too freely, some might say). But the point is that I am never anyones courtier. Some of my friends may have more money and power but I always feel equal to them. Thats why were friends. And this is the secret to my relationships with so-called important people: They like me for my straightforward, tell-it-like-it-is approach. Or perhaps they need a court jester, which is a role Im fine with too. But the one thing I have steered clear of is becoming a groupie or part of any clique. I have many clusters of friends since I have many interests and Im happy to be this way.

SUB-RULE 1

Lowest common denominator

Because I believe in equality, Ive also looked for the lowest common denominator in friendships. This means looking for the simplest qualities that you share with the person, and not focus attention upon the type of house they live in or the brand of car they drive. People dont have to be bought with champagne and caviar, or expensive meals at five-star hotels. Youre likely to share more when you both talk about your love for cricket or savour a good biryani. I, for one, am easily bought by mutton curry and I never get carried away with lavish preparations at my dinners (more on this in the Appendix). My dearest friends Pavan and Renu Varma serve delightful mutton curry at their home and that dish has been as much a cement for our friendship as my respect and affection for the two of them.