INTIMATE ADVENTURES
OF AN OFFICE GIRL
Sienna Lewis
Contents
Disclaimer
This book is a work of non-fiction based on the life, experiences and recollections of the author. The names of people, places, dates, sequences or the detail of events have been changed to protect the privacy of others.
Acknowledgements
For a number of years I had wanted to write an honest account of the men Id met, slept with, dreamt of and fantasised about, but I didnt get started properly until I began my blog in August 2005.
For this, I would like to thank and credit the following people: Thea Newcomb, for setting up and maintaining www.soyouvebeendumped.com which has helped so many people after relationship breakdowns, and which provided me with a much-needed outlet for my early ramblings and a host of supportive dumpers and dumpees who could relate to what I was going through. Although I often chose to ignore Theas advice about dating too soon (as you will have seen from this book), I am grateful I had SYBD to vent and turn to for support. Posting on the forum proved so therapeutic that I decided to start to record my new dating philosophy and all its triumphs and pitfalls in the blog which served as the blueprint to the book you are now reading. Thank you, Thea, for being an inspiration to the broken-hearted and for teaching me to make lemonade out of the lemons I was handed in life.
My wonderful mum, who never seems to grow tired listening to my dramas, and who suggested I join my first dating website. Thank you for being my rock, and never judging me.
My fantastic agent, James Wills, for his patience and advice, right from the first time we met when this book was still just a speck on the horizon, through to the present day. Thank you for your help in every stage of this book, for your professionalism and integrity.
Charlotte Cole at Ebury, thank you for all your comments and input, and Rachel for remembering my email.
P.L., thank you for letting me look after Z, whose love meant so much to me in a difficult time and who was a willing recipient for my need to mother someone, whose laughter brightens up a dull day, and whose tears could never stain it.
My sister, for being honest, fierce and normal, and to H.L. for being like a sister when I needed one close by.
My lovely blog friends, whose comments have been a great support over the years, thank you for sharing, for bearing with me and for your genuine warmth.
All the men I have met in my life, mentioned or not thank you for the laughs, the snogs, the dinners, the cocktails, the drives, the conversations, the flights, the massages, the parties, the dances, the orgasms, the tears, the emails, the sailing trips, the experiences without which this book would be very dull indeed. Thank you for showing me which qualities are important to me in a partner.
The professionals whose help I received during dark times writing might be great therapy, but it wasnt the only assistance I had with dragging myself out of a period of depression. Thanks to my counsellors, the GP who referred me to group therapy, the rather detached doctor who led these sessions (you dont have to love them for this to work), and the assortment of fellow patients (never underestimate the humour in a group entitled Overcoming Depression), I managed to escape the hole Id slipped into and reclaim my sunny personality. I would urge anyone who finds they no longer recognise themselves to seek professional help and return to a mental state where they can love themselves again.
I would also like to thank the doctors and medical staff who treated me (with dignity, humour, creams and cryo) during my embarrassing HPV outbreak and who reassured me about how common it is. May this book help fellow sufferers to know they arent alone, and urge the mothers of pre-pubescents to get them vaccinated.
A.F., thank you for being a loyal friend, and for taking me to a comedy club when I most needed it. Your girlfriend is a lucky lady.
A.J., thank you for your angelic assistance and healing.
D.L., for you, part of me sometimes considers converting to Judaism. May you always have love, polyamorous or not.
S.F., thank you for the personal training sessions, and for guiding me through the maze with wit and humour.
I am donating a percentage of my proceeds from this book to the Guardians Katine appeal in Uganda, which supports AMREF to help local women:
In addition to providing better quality classrooms, latrines and washrooms, AMREF has now influenced the local government to draft female teachers into the community primary schools who act as positive role models for girls and give pastoral support. Empowering women in the community is key to effective long term attitudinal change in Katine. (Craig Pollard, Amref UK)
Epilogue
In a funny way Im grateful to him. It felt good to have an open, honest conversation.
Hed said it himself: hed fancied me for a year, which is great, but he also decided that this wouldnt mean the beginning of a loving relationship and I need to accept this.
I knew he didnt want a girlfriend, so I kept my options open and yet I developed feelings for him. Its time to admit my own responsibility in this: I decided to get my romantic hopes up despite my gut feelings.
I couldnt stop myself saying I love you but it felt like something much bigger, like an admission that I was finally able to love someone again, and I could say it out loud and fuck the consequences! Talking to him has made me realise that I am no longer afraid to fall for someone and get hurt, and I dont worry any more that I will risk anything by telling the person I love about it. After sharing my expectations with him I feel much closer to myself and my own hopes and desires.
So, hes not perfect. Show me someone who is. Im glad I can love and accept him for who he is, but I cannot force him to love me back. And I am really glad I dont have to be the one to tidy up his crusty house.
It didnt kill me to say the words out loud, and it wont kill me to walk away from him, now that I know he doesnt want the same as me. Because I was honest with him he wont be able to have me any more in a way Ive now realised I dont want because it feels more like a compromise than freedom. Because he was honest with me I dont feel compelled to rip up his bikini calendars or stick fish under his floorboards in misguided revenge. Not all men lie, like Pinocchio I actually feel sorry for him now because he was in love with an ex who didnt want him any more and instead tried to make do with little old me. If I dont want to end up like him, its up to me to recognise who is right for me and who isnt, and I think my experience with the men I met over the last few years should really help me with this.
Ill aim to keep clear of someone who is focusing all his attention and money on the pursuit of his career, like the Pilot, or someone who needs to grow up a bit more before taking on responsibilities, like Sweet Ex and KB, or someone who talks about love but doesnt know how to show it like Cashmere. I dont want to be taken in by someone who has all the expensive toys but doesnt share my sense of humour, like Rugby, or someone who has an exotic hobby but no time, like Yacht Boy, or who has the amazing body but limited communication skills (BBP). I refuse to put up with disrespect like I got from the Colonel, I want to be honest about what Im looking for and not play games like Dance Boy, and above all I dont want to end up like Samantha with a gorgeous baby but no daddy for support because I didnt take my time.
