Sinclair - Commando dad: a basic training manual for the first three years of fatherhood

This book is dedicated to my own amazing unit: my wife, Tara, and our three troopers, Sam, Jude, and Liberty. It is also for all the dads who kept asking, Have you written that book yet? I really need a copy.

Thank you all.

First published in the United States of America in 2014 by Chronicle Books LLC.
First published in the United Kingdom in 2012 by Summersdale.

Text copyright 2012 by Neil Sinclair and Tara Sinclair.
Illustrations copyright 2012 by Matt Smith.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

The Library of Congress has cataloged the previous edition as follows:
Sinclair, Neil, 1970
Commando dad : a basic training manual for the first three years of fatherhood / by Neil Sinclair.
pages cm
ISBN 978-1-4521-2739-2 (pb)
ISBN 978-1-4521-3220-4 (epub2)
1. Fatherhood. 2. Child rearing. I. Title.

HQ756.S5446 2014
306.8742dc23

2013030004

Designed by Sarah Higgins

The information in this book should not be treated as a substitute for qualified medical advice. Always consult a medical practitioner. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any loss or claim arising out of the use, or misuse, of the suggestions made or the failure to take medical advice.

Chronicle Books LLC
680 Second Street
San Francisco, California 94107
www.chroniclebooks.com

A percentage of the authors profits from this book will go to the following charities:

Acorns Childrens Hospice Trust, a registered UK charity offering a network of care and support for life-limited and life-threatened children and young people, and their families.

The National Memorial Arboretum, the UKs year-round center for Remembrance, a spiritually uplifting place that honors the fallen, recognizes service and sacrifice, and fosters pride in the country. The arboretum is part of the Royal British Legion family of charities.

For most couples, bringing a baby home from hospital is the exciting start of a new life as parents. However, it is easy to feel completely overwhelmed by the enormous sense of responsibility for this new little life, and those first days and weeks bring with them the realization that suddenly every task seems to require incredible organizational skills; looking after a baby or young child is almost like a military operation!

Neil Sinclair knows all about military operations, having served as a Royal Engineer Commando. When he exchanged his military life for the role of stay-at-home dad, he realized how important it was to have an accessible reference manual.

Commando Dad is a fantastic new parenting manual that provides just that. It is concise and small enough to carry with you, but contains a wealth of step-by-step instructions for everything you need to do for your baby and toddler. The novel presentation in the style of a military handbook makes it a fun read, while providing simple, clear guidance for everything from preparing base camp (getting everything ready at home prior to the babys arrival) to bomb disposal (getting rid of dirty diapers!).

As a family doctor I frequently see new moms and dads who feel the pressures of parenthood, and with teenage boys of my own the memories are not too distant regarding how challenging it can be. I highly recommend this great new manual, which I can imagine being a well-thumbed and much-loved addition to every new dads library.

Dr. Jan Mager-Jones, MB, ChB

I am a stay-at-home Commando Dad and registered day-care operator, and have personally tried and tested all of the techniques outlined in this basic training manual. Where I mention anything to do with the health and safety of your troopers, I have had the text reviewed and approved by a health-care professional with a view to making sure that the information contained in the book is accurate and in keeping with current thinking and practice at the time of publication. However, the publisher, author, and experts disclaim any liability from any injury that may result from the use, proper or improper, of the information contained in this book. Guidance and guidelines on baby care change constantly, and Commando Dad should not be considered a substitute for the advice of your health-care professional or your own common sense.

Content has been approved by:

Rachel Jessey, Nutritional Therapist, DipCNM, mBANT, www.benourished.co.uk

Sally Jordan, RGN and Health Visitor

Dr. Jan Mager-Jones, MB, ChB

Damon Marriott, Approved Child Safety Advisor for the Britax Excellence Centre

With thanks to Sarah Thorsby and Sara Szkola, MD.

TO ALL DADS (henceforth known as Commando Dads):

This book has been written for YOU.

I have been a Royal Engineer Commando, a physical education teacher, a security guard at the UK Mission to the UN in New York, a stay-at-home dad, and a registered day-care operator, and I can honestly tell you that there have been few times in my life as daunting as bringing my first son back from the hospital.

All the parenting books and classes were geared toward the birth, and then suddenly you and your partner find yourselves back at home with the baby. In charge.

I found myself thinking how much easier life would be if I had been issued a basic training manual for my little baby trooper (henceforth referred to as BT), like the manual you get when you join the army. Any soldier will tell you that one of the greatest weapons in their armory is Basic Battle Skills: a How To training manual handed to them on day one as a soldier. It covers everything from how to shave to how to accurately estimate the distance to a target, and provides the foundation to all the practical skills needed to become a first-rate soldier.

I did try to find such a manual, but the books available for new dads were either novelty books (and believe me, gentlemen, if your parenting is a laugh a minute, youre doing it wrong) or, even worse, books that were too wordy to be practical. At 0-silly-hundred-hours, with a screaming BT in your arms, 700 pages of someone telling you about their emotions isnt the answer.

I decided that what I needed was an accessible basic training manual for parents and, more specifically, dads.

Gentlemen, in your hands you are holding that manual.

Emotions are important. But within seconds of the birth of your trooper you will know how you feel. I felt love, fear, confusion, frustration, and awe, and that was within the first hour. This book is intended to help you know what to do.

As a basic training manual, Commando Dad can take you only so far, though. The rest is up to you. To be an effective dad you need to supplement this manual with a lot of practical experience. You need to step up, get out there, and do it. This brings me to the first rule of being a Commando Dad:

It wont feel like it now, but you have an unbelievably short time with your troopers. There arent even 2,000 days between birth and age five, when your trooper starts school. In less than 7,000 days from the day theyre born, your trooper will be eighteen.

You may not be the full-time caregiver for your trooper, you may see them only on weekends or in the evenings, you may not be their biological dad, but none of that matters. What matters is that you make the time you spend together really count. And the best way to do that is to apply military precision to your parenting.