Strasser - Exploiting my baby: a memoir about pregnancy and childbirth
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- Book:Exploiting my baby: a memoir about pregnancy and childbirth
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- Publisher:Penguin Publishing Group;New American Library
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- Year:2011;2010
- City:New York;NY
- Rating:4 / 5
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Exploiting my baby: a memoir about pregnancy and childbirth: summary, description and annotation
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Everyone loves babies-and pregnant women-so TV and radio personality Teresa Strasser decided to use this obsession to her advantage. She came up with a way to provide for her newfound family and help other mommies-to-be with this down- and-dirty memoir about first-time pregnancy. An award-winning writer, Teresa is achingly honest about the motherhood she begins experiencing at age thirty-eight. With a biting sense of humor and heart, she portrays the tribulations that come with each trimester, from nausea, weight gain, and bladder infections to dealing with those other kinds of pregnant women. (You know the ones. The ones who glow-and gloat about it.).;When it comes to conception, porn is good and the secret is bad -- (Youre) having my baby, or anka management -- Inner child, meet new baby, please dont smother it -- Pregatory -- Ill miss you, toxins : people I want to punch: bummer ladies -- CVS : order now and enjoy six months (worry) free! -- Bad move : calling Nancy ODell a stupid c-word -- Why Im finally psyched to be having a boy -- How freaky and paranoid is your google history? -- Logans running -- The ten worst moms in history -- A million little Reeses pieces -- Dragging my names through the mud -- Babies R ripping us off -- Pregnancy sex doesnt suck, but maybe you should -- Hey, other pregnant ladies: look my way -- A cut above (the anus) -- Babymoon in Vegas : bet on a crisis -- Are breast-feeding classes for boobs? -- Sitting stretch Mark Shiva -- Frank Swoops in to save my vagina -- Seinfeld curbs my enthusiasm -- An even worse c-word -- Days in the hole -- Day one : the infinite pint -- My mother, the Rabbi and a bag of crap -- I said a lot of things.
Strasser: author's other books
Who wrote Exploiting my baby: a memoir about pregnancy and childbirth? Find out the surname, the name of the author of the book and a list of all author's works by series.
Bettina Gordon-Wayne
Judd
Cram Catherine
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Table of Contents
Praise forEXPLOITING MY BABY
Exploiting her baby, perhaps, but most certainly rewarding her readers, Teresa Strasser trudges, nay, romps with us down the road from the anxiety of no baby to guilt of not deserving a precious child. All the while she reminds us that the echoes of our families of origin, although carried along with us like so much muck in a riverbed, need not choke our ability to flourish and find joy as parents.
Dr. Drew Pinsky
If Woody Allen was a woman with big giant ovaries and wrote a book about his pregnancy, it still wouldnt have been this funny, warm, brassy, and insightful.
Stefanie Wilder-Taylor, bestselling author of
Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay
If this is what its really like to have a baby, I should have been a lot nicer to my lovely wife. Also, she should have made me laugh this much. So were even.....If you think you worry too much about being a parent, Teresa Strasser will inform you of all the things you forgot to freak out about.
Joel Stein
I loved this book. Teresa Strasser has blessed us all with an amazing, inspired work. I laughed, I cried, I learned lessons about marriage and love and pregnancy and motherhood that will last a lifetime. Teresa knows how to speak directly to every one of us, and offers us the inside story every pregnant woman wishes someone out there would finally share. Her very personal, hysterical, and moving story is universal. I cant wait to buy this book for all my pregnant friends.
Rabbi Naomi Levy, author of Hope Will Find You and
To Begin Again
To Begin Again
Teresa is the mom you want to invite to your playgroup.
Heather McDonald, New York Times bestselling author of
Youll Never Blueball in This Town Again
Youll Never Blueball in This Town Again
For my husband and baby.
Thanks for letting me exploit you.
Thanks for letting me exploit you.
About This Book
Why Exploiting My Baby Seems Like a Good Idea
Like its so special having a baby. Britney Spears did it twice, so there you go.
Yet weve all seen these spooky, obsessed smother mothers with their sippy cups full of self-absorption and their nonstop, mind-numbing prattle about the relative merits of different brands of organic baby food. These are the souls who update their Facebook status to reflect little Jacksons latest bowel movement. This is not okay. This is chilling.
There are so many nerve-racking things about being pregnant for the first time. Just when you think you can handle nausea, ravenous hunger, precipitous weight gain, and of course the abject fear about your babys health, you come into contact with one of these mothers and you think, Not that Im so great, but I hope I dont become her.
Frankly, before I got pregnant, I was never actually all that comfortable being me, but it was all I knew. Would I now become an uptight asshole who would insist you douse yourself in Purell before touching my offspring, lest you pass on some grubby infection to my precious baby Jesus child? Would I find myself driving a minivan to Tot Shabbatglassy-eyed and resentfulwearing a crumb-covered Ann Taylor knit and blasting Raffi?
Would all of my concerns in life revolve around what kind of crib mattress was optimum or how best to pack a diaper bag so I could spend the day pushing a stroller through an indoor mall like the other zombie moms, stopping only occasionally to bust out some watermelon cubes from a worn Tupperware container? Would I get gory stretch marks and an eighteen-year-long case of postpartum depression like my mother? Would I feel suffocated and fake a seizure just for some alone time?
While I hemorrhaged money on Baby Einstein mobiles and brain-enhancing music classes for the little one, would my own mind atrophy?
In essence: Would both my ass and my mind wear mom jeans?
I had no idea about any of this.
Maybe everything had already been said about the experience of pregnancy, but it was new to me and I found myself not only wanting to write about it but also consuming any information I could, from Nancy ODells book (beautiful lady, but her memoir about extra-glowing pregnancy skin and lack of any unpleasant symptoms can suck it) to Jenny McCarthy (you want to dismiss her but you cant, because Jenny is charming and likeable and has touched Oprah with her own hands. Still, her style makes you want to say, I get it. Youre edgy. Even though youre hot, you talk about poops and farts. Goooooood for you).
I sought out books and blogs that would level with me, and I dont mean syrupy pseudo-disclosures like, I havent washed my hair in weeks, but its all worth it because of the majesty of motherhood. I wanted precise details about both the trip and the destination. What exactly was going to happen to my digestive system, cervix, weight, delicate internal anxiety management system, boobs, mind, sex life, sense of personal freedom, bladder, marriage, anus, appetite, mood, body image, overall ability to accept changing identity, deeply rooted and unrelenting mommy issues, chronic insomnia, beloved but moderate use of toxins, oil glands, abdomen, shoe size? Who was I going to be on the other side, and how painful would it be crossing over?
As long as there are pregnant girls up in the middle of the night wondering if its a cramp or gas or a disaster, as long as there are new-comers to this world as confused and terrified as I was, this pregnancy thing is always going to be fresh and relevant.
There is no precedent for us first-timers. I didnt understand any of the sensations happening in my body, which all seemed like they must mean imminent miscarriage, a phrase I Googled no fewer than 137 times.
I didnt have any idea what nipple salve or nasal aspirators do. I didnt know what a doula was, except maybe something you might find on a platter of Mediterranean food. I didnt know anything about babies, except that I was having one. Moreover, I didnt know how to write about any of this without conjuring images of poor, kicked-around Kathie Lee Gifford, who seems like an all right gal but who took so much shit for trotting out little Cody and little whats-her-face just to make America love her.
I guess it seemed like she was just exploiting her babies.
Maybe she was, and maybe it was obnoxious for Kathie Lee to use her children to present a sweet, homey version of herself no one was buying. Maybe she truly was a baby-exploiting phony who deserved all the vitriol she got. But when I thought about it, I wasnt totally innocent of my own brand of creative exploitation.
As a writer, I guess Ive exploited all of my subjects: my stepparents, my boyfriends, my beat-up cars, my jacked-up apartments, my land-lords, my Hebrew school teachers, my grandfather, my girlfriends, the dude at the dry cleaners, my therapist(s), my dermatologist, the hot guy I met at that silent Buddhist retreat in San Diego, everyone. From breakups to breakdowns, Ive always just written about whatever was going on in my life, but because this was a fetus, it suddenly seemed tacky, Kathie Lee tacky.
Sometimes, when youre scared about how something is going to be perceived, you have to look the bogeyman right in the face, which is why at two months pregnant I invested $10 and bought the domain name ExploitingMyBaby.com.
And after all, the kid
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