Ullmen John B. - Real influence: persuade without pushing and gain without giving in

Real Influence

PERSUADE WITHOUT PUSHING AND GAIN WITHOUT GIVING IN

Mark Goulston and John Ullmen

FOREWORD BY KEITH FERRAZZI

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Goulston, Mark.

Real influence : persuade without pushing and gain without giving in / Mark Goulston and John Ullmen; foreword by Keith Ferrazzi.
p. cm.

Includes index.

ISBN-13: 978-0-8144-2015-7 (hbk.)

ISBN-10: 0-8144-2015-X (hbk.)

1. Persuasion (Psychology) in organizations. 2. Communication in managementPsychological aspects. I. Ullmen, John B., 1966 II. Title.

HD30.3.G68 2012

658.4'5dc23

2012035931

2013 Mark Goulston and John Ullmen
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.

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Printing number
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Dedicated to
Warren Bennis and Samuel Culbert

by Keith Ferrazzi

In todays world, your personal and professional survival depend on building lifeline relationships. Going it alone doesnt work. You need to create a dream team of people who will commit to your goals and support you at every step.

This isnt something you can achieve by manipulating people. In fact, in an age of social networking, the negative influence generated by insincere tactics and trickery can destroy your relationships and reputation in a heartbeat.

Real influence doesnt work that way. It grows over time, and it pulls more and more people into your orbit. Thats because real influence isnt just about getting what you want. Its also about making sure the people who matter to you get what they want.

When you practice real influence, it doesnt matter if you start without money, power, or connections. The people Mark and John talk about in these pages often began with little in the bank. One or two had just arrived in the country, knowing absolutely no one. Yet in just a few years, they became power influencers.

In this book, John and Mark will show you exactly how to do what they did. And theyll tell you how to do it in ways that make it easy to face yourself in the mirror.

When it comes to real influence, I cant think of any better mentors than these two remarkable people. John is an extraordinary executive coach whose clients include Apple, Cisco Systems, Disney, Nike, Raytheon, Frito-Lay, Merrill Lynch, Johnson & Johnson, NASA, St. Jude Childrens Research Hospital, Genentech, and Yamahaand his lectures at the UCLA Anderson School of Management are standing room only. And Mark, in addition to being a clinical psychiatrist and author of the best-selling book, Just Listen, is one of the worlds most sought-after executive coaches, with a client list that includes GE, IBM, Merrill Lynch, Xerox, Deutsche Bank, Hyatt, Accenture, AstraZeneca, British Airways, ESPN, Federal Express, and the FBI. Hes also one of the thought leaders at Ferrazzi Greenlight.

Dont let Mark and John fool you with their self-deprecating stories. Theyve both earned their worldwide influence by practicing the generosity, transparency, and honesty that shine through in these pages. As a result, they have an enormous tribe of friends and colleagues that spans countries and continents. I consider myself very lucky to be a member of it.

And you, in turn, are very lucky to be holding this book in your hands. Thats because when you put the Connected Influence model into action, it will magnify your results, exponentially enhance your reputation, and empower you to create your own dream team of supporters. And more than thatit will change every relationship in your life for the better.

Thats the power of real influenceand as Mark and John will show you, its within your reach.

Keith Ferrazzi

Real Influence

Are you frustrated because you fail to get people to buy into your great ideas, cant close the deal on tough sales, or constantly hit the wall when you try to influence people?

If so, youre not alone. As executive coaches, we know that its harder than ever to influence people because the old rules of persuasion no longer work.

Today, we live in a postselling and postpushing world. As people grow more aware of manipulative tactics, their guard goes up. The Internet, television advertising, and wall-to-wall marketing have made us cynical about deceptive tricks and hard-sell approaches. Your customers, your coworkers, and even your kids can all recognize pushy influence... and when you use it, theyll push back twice as hard.

Yet most of the books and business school courses that teach persuasion skills emphasize manipulative tactics and techniques. They conceive of influence as something that you do to someone else to get your way. And they focus on short-term gains rather than long-term consequences.

We call this outdated strategy disconnected influence. Its a shortsighted strategy that sometimes creates momentary buy-in but often at the expense of your relationships and reputation. And it keeps you from making the deep, transformational connections that lead to great outcomes in your career and in your life.

To influence people in powerful ways that can change your future, you need to move from disconnected to connected influence. When you make this transition, youll set the stage for strong, sustained influence by becoming the kind of person other people are eager to follow. These people wont just agree to support you. Theyll line up to champion your causes, and theyll have your back whenever you need their help.

In this book, weve distilled the elements of connected influence into a simple four-step model for becoming wildly successful by being both influential and influenceable. Weve helped thousands of people master these four stepsand in the process, weve empowered them to save their companies, increase their sales, achieve business goals they thought were impossible, and take their personal relationships to an entirely new level.