Table of Contents
PRAISE FOR PHILIP HESKETH AND HIS BOOKS:
It does exactly what it says on the cover. Its a great book that will show you how to be more persuasive and influential. So if you want to be more persuasive and influential... read it.
Ged Shields, Vice President of Marketing, Ronseal
The Government would do well to appoint someone to teach us all how persuasion and influence work. I believe its one of the key skills for everyone who wants to get on in life or business to learn. Id give the job without hesitation, or even an interview, to Phil Hesketh. This book is the definitive guide to being more persuasive and influential.
Steve McDermott, author of the bestselling
How to Be a Complete and Utter Failure in Life,
Work and Everythingand winner of the European
Business Speaker of the Year award
Superb content coupled with excellent delivery means there is something for everyone. An incredibly valuable book
Chris Norman, Managing Director, Johnson
& Johnson (DePuy UK/Ireland)
If you only read one book on how to be more persuasive and influential - this is it. A modern classic.
Paul McGee, The Sumo Guy, author of the bestselling
S.U.M.O. (Shut Up, Move On)
One of the best books I have ever read. Truly inspirational.
David Ireland, Squadron Leader, Ministry of Defence
I have no hesitation in linking specific and significant improvements in sales results to Philips advice.
Jaimie Brown, Marketing Manager, Pfizer
Animal Health, New York
I never thought it was possible to learn and laugh out loud at the same time until I heard Philip Hesketh. The mans a star
Kevin Skym, Head of Commercial Banking, HSBC
The Peter Kay of the business world
Jim Jones, Principal Leisure Development Officer,
Conwy County Borough Council
PREFACE
I ts often said that nothing under the sun is really new. There are just new twists on existing themes. So when I set out to write a book on persuasiona subject thats been around ever since early caveman first encouraged his fellow cave dwellers to see things his way with the aid of a big clubI admit to being a little apprehensive. At one point I even considered the idea of setting up a Plagiarism Advice Bureau to counter any criticism. But then I guess somebody has already done that too. The bottom line is that you just dont know if someone has had the same idea as you.
The first version of this book was called Lifes a Game So Fix the Odds. I was happy with it in 2005 and it has sold well throughout the world. But five years on and with so many rich and various experiences as a professional speaker on the psychology of persuasion and influenceplus all the research I had both done and come across over that periodit seemed right to revisit, rewrite and retitle the book.
Like everyone else I learn from other people. I read books, commission research, read other peoples research, and present workshops and seminars from Ashton to Adelaide, from Dewsbury to Dubai. And from Pwllheli to Philadelphia.
I possibly observe what is going on around me more keenly than most: I study other peoples reactions to situations with great assiduity. And after five years I felt that my book could be improved.
I think it is the better for it.
I hope you agree.
Philip Hesketh, 2010
PART 1
THE STARTING POINT-PEOPLE, BELIEFS AND RELATIONSHIPS
DARING TO BEGIN
In successful relationships, people never stand still. Theyre always moving forward and evolving to make their relationship even more successful. Happy and successful people continually work on their skills and their ability to be more persuasive and influential. So when you are going through a change in your life, you always need to counteract the uncertainty that generates with hope that things will get better. And the greater the degree of hope, the more positive vibes you give off to those around you and the greater the chance of a positive outcome and long-term success.
Research among businesses going through change reveals that employees who are hopeful of providing worthwhile solutions are much more likely to produce positive results. Why? Because people with hope enjoy themselves more and are a great deal more productive.
You no doubt want others to say yes to you more often. You would like to get your own way most of the time. You want to be more persuasive and influential, so people will do what you want them to do. Thats what this book is about.
It teaches you specific techniques that allow you to become more influential and persuasive. Techniques that enable you to get your own way more often, whether you are in businesshoping to find ways of convincing colleagues and potential clientsor looking for ways to improve your relationships.
I also explore the difference between persuasion and influence. Persuasion is often something we do to peopleand most people dont want to be persuaded. Have you ever gone home after a days shopping and said to whoever you live with, Guess what someone sold me today?
I didnt think so. If you said to a friend Ive been persuaded to do this, you almost certainly didnt feel good about it. Because persuasion is something we do to people. And influence is something that we have.
HOPE
So it is with hope that I start to write this book. It is a Tuesday evening in England. Its cold, dark and miserable. In fact, its snowing.
But not for me.
For me its a Wednesday morning and Im sitting overlooking the bay in Russell, Bay of Islands, New Zealand. Its a lovely summers day with just a little cloud. An early morning walker ambles by; the ducks float happily and the world is at one.
For me it is an epiphanic moment.
My story is of a lifetime of studying persuasion, influence, communication and relationships. I have been fascinated by how and why we do what we do. Though one is never sure, I think that the process of study began when a neighbour of my parents in Ashton-under-Lyne gave me a copy of Dale Carnegies How to Win Friends and Influence People. It was then, at the age of about 16, that I decided to live my life with the principles of that book in mind. Many years later, in my first year as a professional speaker on the psychology of persuasion, I vowed not to write a book until I could write one that was better than the book I had read all those years before. Carnegies book rightly remains a classic. You are the better for reading it.
But I had also set myself a number of goals in deciding to become a professional speaker. First, I wanted to become the best and most sought-after speaker on the planet, bar none. Secondly, I wanted to become a Professor at Harvard and speak at the likes of Oxford, Cambridge and Yale universities. Thirdly, I wanted to write a bestselling book, and fourthly, I wanted to change the weather in February. If youve ever visited the north of England youll understand why. And finally, I set a goal for my son Daniel and I: one day to play live, together, on stage with the great Ralph McTell. Thats my dream. Naturally, it doesnt figure highly on Ralphs list of goals, but remember what this book is all about: learning how to persuade and influence other people to do what you want them to do. Look out, Ralph.