Jen Sincero - Badass Habits: Cultivate the Awareness, Boundaries, and Daily Upgrades You Need to Make Them Stick

You Are a Badass Every Day: How to Keep Your Motivation Strong, Your Vibe High, and Your Quest for Transformation Unstoppable

You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth

You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

The Straight Girls Guide to Sleeping with Chicks

Dont Sleep with Your Drummer

When I first decided to write a book about habits, the topic seemed like such a natural follow-up to the other Badass books. In the original You Are a Badass, I mentioned this little truism: Our thoughts become our words, our words become our beliefs, our beliefs become our habits, and our habits become our realities. Habits are the only piece of the equation I had yet to delve into deeply, and I couldnt wait to get crackin. That is, until the following conversation with myself crawled up and sat on my chest:

Me: Habits! Of course! Why, theyre the very sculptors of our realities! Im going to write the fuck out of this book.

Me, enjoying a tower of onion rings, a few days after giving up fried food: Are we going to write about how to purchase a gym membership and never use it? Or how to not stop cursing? Because we could write the fuck out of that.

Me: Oh my God, thats so true. My habits suck. What the hell am I thinking? I have the self-discipline of a toddler.

I began listing all of the reasons why I was unqualified, unable, and unauthorized to write this book; how I was about to tank my brand, insult my readers, and inspire my publisher to ask for its money back. Then I realized, Oh look, Im excelling at a habit right now, that most unsavory of human habits: focusing on the negative. Im blowing past the fact that I havent touched a cigarette in over two decades even though I love smoking more than I love most people; that Im a highly accomplished flosser, hydrater, gratituder, writer, bed maker, meditator, and show-up-on-timer; and that Ill take a backpack and a high alpine trail over a stinky gym any day. Cursing and fried food, howevertheres still work to be done around cursing and fried food.

I bring this up because if youre reading this book with any skepticism about your stick-to-itiveness when it comes to habits, I want to remind you that nobody is perfect. And that we really can do anything we set our minds to (including things weve fake-set our minds to in the past). And that we all tend to sell ourselves short and focus on our failures instead of celebrating our victories. Even people who are successful beyond belief admit to occasionally letting negativity and feelings of inadequacy push them around. Ive heard some say that every once in a while theyll forget how much they love what they do, ignore the standing ovations and rave reviews they receive from the outside world, and focus all their attention on that one stink-bomb hater on Instagram who thinks they suck, hand him the bullhorn, and let his opinion drown out the cheering crowds.

Mastering the powerful, positive mindset thats required to keep upping your habits game is all about staying aware, shifting your focus when you catch yourself wandering down Woe-Is-Me Lane, and consciously thinking thoughts that are aligned with where you want to go and who you want to become. When it comes to building great habits and ditching lame ones, your commitment to staying focused on who youre becoming regardless of where you are/who you are right now is the mightiest power youve got.

Contrary to popular belief, habits are more about who youre being than what youre doing.

One of the main reasons we dont stick to the habits wed love to adopt, or permanently give the heave-ho to the habits wed love to lose, is that we focus on taking actionwhich is importantbut we dont get on board emotionally and mentally, which is more important. Then, when our new habits get challenging or boring (a favorite pastime of most habits thanks to the fact that theyre so repetitive), we abandon them for something easier. Or something more fun. Or something that offers more immediate gratification. Or something that tastes really good with ketchup on it.

For example, lets say youve tried over and over to break your habit of spending more than you make. Youve got a well-paying job and you put part of each paycheck toward your credit card bill and a little into your savings account and you carefully map out your budget each month. Then, in spite of your careful planning, you find yourself going on trips and forensically investigating furniture sales and jovially shouting Drinks are on me! and before you know it, your savings account is a ghost town and youre pleading on the phone with Pat at the collection agency again. Chances are excellent that deep down youre scared to stop overspending because youre trying to fill an emotional hole with stuff and experiences. Or maybe you come from a family full of spenders and you subconsciously worry youll be judged and/or abandoned by them if you break with tradition and get your financial act together. Its essential when building good habits to focus on the whole enchiladayour head, your heart, and your handsotherwise the meditating stops; the fingernails start being bitten again; your calm, sober repose at yet another passive-aggressive family gathering turns into All right, Ive had enough. Who wants to play Tequila Truth or Dare?!

My hope is that this book offers some fresh perspectives on proven habit-forming processes and helps you dethrone whatever obstacles youve allowed to lord over you in the past. I also hope that it makes the whole habit-building-and-busting experience easier by boiling down a seemingly complex process and doling it out into manageable, bite-sized exercises that you implement one day at a time. I want you to get rolling and figure out which tools work best for you so you can start seeing real resultsthe kind of results youve yet to beholdthat actually stick around. Im a coach, not a scientist, so while ensmartening you is a goal, nothing gets me all teary-eyed and verklempt like the hallelujah of a dream realized. You see? You see that black belt you just karated your way into? YOU did that. Here, hold my snacks. Ive got to get a picture of this.

Ill start by briefly explaining what habits are and how they work. Ill help you become aware of the habits youve already got (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and figure out which ones have got to go, which new ones youd like to create, and who you need to start being in order to pull this all off. Ill also get you good at setting no-nonsense boundaries so you can alert your tribe, and yourself, that your needs are now a priority, that youre creating the spaceemotionally and physicallyto allow yourself to fully flourish, and that yes, this being good at setting boundaries thing is a habit youre going to keep (perhaps amid the indignant screams and protests of all those who are being booted out of first place).