Rosswood - Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood: Firsthand Advice, Tips and Stories from Lesbian and Gay Couples

Copyright 2016 by Eric Rosswood

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form whatsoever, including electronic, mechanical or any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted in the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher.

Requests for permission should be addressed to:

New Horizon Press

P. O. Box 669

Far Hills, NJ 07931

Eric Rosswood

Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood:

Firsthand Advice, Tips and Stories from Lesbian and Gay Couples

Cover design: Samantha LemMon

Interior design: Scribe Inc.

Author photo: Beki Dawn Photography

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015913633

ISBN-13 (eBook): 9780-882825151

New Horizon Press

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What People Are Saying About

Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood

Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood will lead you through moments of both laugh-out-loud humor and immense heartache. This book is informative, emotionally compelling and a must-read for LGBTQ people considering parenthood.

Zach Wahls

Author of the national bestseller

My Two Moms: Lessons of Love, Strength, and What Makes a Family

Like many other LGBT people, I was desperate to be a parent. I wish Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood had been available when I began my own process. Its a fantastic read, filled with beautiful firsthand experiences of becoming families and, to my mind, the ultimate resource for any LGBT person wanting to be a parent.

Charlie Condou

Actor, Writer, Father and Activist

This book is an eye-opener for what same-sex couples really go through when trying to start a family. In my work as a legislator advocating on behalf of our community, Ive seen the stumbling blocks many couples face on the path to becoming parentsboth in law and in societyand this book is a great resource for couples considering this often difficult process.

NY State Assembly Member Daniel J. ODonnell

Sponsor of New Yorks Marriage Equality Act and the states groundbreaking anti-bullying legislation, the Dignity for All Students Act.

The resources available to same-sex couples wanting to have children are limited, but Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood helps fill that void. The couples in this book have sacrificed their privacy and personal lives to make this road less traveled easier and brighter for future families. This is a must-read for anyone considering adoption.

Tania Bradkin

Commissioner of Social Services for the City of Santa Monica

Raising a child is one of the most rewarding experiences we can have, but for same-sex couples, the countless possibilities for starting a family can be overwhelming. Journey to Same-Sex Parenthood does a great job when it comes to breaking everything down, comparing all the options and helping readers figure out which path is right for them. Im so happy a resource like this is available!

Judy Appel

Executive Director, Our Family Coalition

Table of Contents

by Melissa Gilbert

by Charlie Condou

by Gabriel Blau

DEDICATION

To my parents, Doyle and Bonnie Ross, for putting up with five boys and showing us what family is really about; my husband, Mat, for the love and support youve given me throughout this adventure; Stephanie and Josh for helping us start a family of our own and our son, Connor, for giving me inspiration and motivation in life.

Also, I want to thank everyone who shared their personal stories, experiences and advice with me. Without all of you, this book would not have been possible.

by Melissa Gilbert

New York Times best-selling author, wife, mother, actor and activist

S everal years ago, I found myself reliving key moments of my life as I started to piece together stories for my memoir. As with most people in the world, my life has been filled with plenty of ups and downs. Through it all, the one thing that stood out to me was the reoccurring theme of family. And when I say family, I dont just mean the nuclear type with a mom, a dad, two-and-a-half kids and a white picket fence. I mean the kind of family built on love, where people are there for each other through thick and thin no matter what happens in life.

This theme dates back to my father, who was an only child and lived with his parents in Philadelphia before being sent away when he was about eight or nine years old. He went to live with a family of circus performers and learned how to be an aerialist like his mother. After both of his parents died when he was just a teenager, he wound up traveling in a circus with his surrogate family.

As for me, I was adopted when I was just a few days old and am the oldest of three children. My mother loved and cherished me the best she knew how and for that I will always love her unconditionally. My father was funny, smart, handsome, kind, generous and fair. He was the kind of parent I aspired to be.

When I was just nine years old, I landed the role of Laura Ingalls Wilder on Little House on the Prairie. The cast and crew quickly became my second family and there was a sense of compassion, faith, togetherness, support and camaraderie with everyone on the set. I was particularly close to Michael Landon, an amazing man who was a father figure to me, both on and off screen. He was warm and nurturing and he had a powerful impact on my life. We were so close that my family even had a yearly tradition of going on vacation with Michael and his family.

Flash forward many years and I now have a family of my own, complete with four grown boys, two grown stepsons, a stepdaughter and a granddaughter. My own family includes my dearest friends and their children as well. I am so blessed. I tell people I dont have a family tree, I have a family shrub!

Looking back on my life, my family has been ever-changing. Its been filled with a diverse group of people. What Ive learned over the years is that families are strong units that arent held together by biology; theyre held together by love.

Families look different now than they did a few decades ago. Whether they consist of a mother and father, two mommies, two daddies, single parents, a foster family, grandparents or whatever, its not about what the family looks like. Its about how much they love one another.

Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I will ever do in my life. If it is something you want, I pray your dreams of parenting come true. Every child deserves to be raised in a stable home with parents who love him or her.

Ive read and have been touched by all the stories in this book. The lengths that people have gone through to build their families amazes me. I hope their stories help you along in your journey to parenthood.

by Charlie Condou

Actor, Writer, Father and Activist

W hen I came out to my family, they were wonderful about it and it wasnt an issue. Theres one thing my mum said to me, though, that Ill always remember: I feel so sad for you, because you always wanted to be a parent.

To be honest, I had always wanted to be a dad and it never crossed my mind that I wouldnt be able to have kids. I didnt know how I was going to start a family, but I just assumed I would.

I was raised in a liberal household and came out to my family when I was eighteen years old. It was the early 90s and a very different time back then. I never saw examples of same-sex couples raising children together and there were no gay parent role models to look up to on TV or in the media. Had I seen other gay men in loving relationships, building families together, it would have removed a lot of fear from my teenage years and made my path to self-acceptance smoother.