Sandra L. Glahn - The Infertility Companion

THE
INFERTILITY
COMPANION

ZONDERVAN

THE INFERTILITY COMPANION
Copyright 2004 by Sandra L. Glahn and William R. Cutrer

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ePub Edition June 2009 ISBN: 0-310-86262-0

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Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Glahn, Sandra, 1958
The infertility companion : hope and help for couples facing infertility / Sandra L. Gahn and William R. Cutrer.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-310-24961-0
1. InfertilityReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. InfertilityPsychological aspects.
I. Cutrer, William, 1951. II. Title.
RC889.G536 2004
248.8'6196692dc22

2004004099

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Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE , Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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08 09 10 11 12 13 14 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5

For the patients who treasure human life in its earliest,
most vulnerable form above the fulfillment of their own God-given
yearnings, and for those who walk with themHabakkuks Hope,
Hannahs Prayer, agencies assisting with embryo adoption, and the
courageous physicians who value the dignity of life in Gods image.

CONTENTS

3. Marital Dynamics: She Wants a Baby;
He Wants His Wife Back

6. Where Is God When It Hurts?
The Biblical Infertility Stories

16. Aid in the Begetting: Donor Egg,
Surrogacy, and Embryo Adoption

17. Using a Donor: What the Kids
and the Research Tell Us

18. Loss upon Loss: Miscarriage, Failed IVF,
and Failed Adoption

19. Infertility Patient as Parent: Secondary Infertility,
Pregnancy, and Parenting after Infertility

Appendix 2: Christian Medical Association Statement
on Reproductive Technology

It has been said that one who writes a book gives a part of ones self. The Infertility Companion is certainly such a work. It is the fruit of nearly forty combined years of exploring the medical, emotional, spiritual, relational, and ethical crisis of infertility.

We acknowledge with appreciation the many men and women weve met in doctors offices and hospitals, at support group meetings, in churches, and at our conferences, who have entrusted to us the stories of their heartaches and victories. We are especially grateful to those who gave us permission (often enthusiastically) to retell their stories so that others might be helped by what they had experienced.

We are deeply indebted to Dr. Gene Rudd, of the Christian Medical Association, without whose counsel, encouragement, advocacy, and feedback this book would have been impossible.

We are also grateful to Dr. Steven Nakajima, of Louisville, Kentucky, for his input on medical information; to Keith Yates for providing the medical drawings; and for our readers and editors Jane Cutrer, Rose Courtney, Kathe Wunnenberg, Julie Watson, Cindy Lambert, Jane Haradine, Dr. Thomas Beam, Brian Phipps, Elizabeth Oates, and Dr. Sam E. Alexander, who have provided valuable feedback.

Finally, we are grateful to our spouses, Gary Glahn and Jane Cutrer, for their sacrificial love, unwavering support, and indispensable partnership in this ministry.

Sandis Journey: Knots and Tangles

I am Sandra, daughter of Ann, daughter of Velma, daughter of Ella, all the way back to Eve. But the genes carried down through my ancestors will stop with me.

When I was a little girl, I never dreamed that I might be unable to have children. In my childhood home in Oregons Willamette Valley, by mid-April the plum trees had sprouted purple blossoms and the whole world seemed to bloom with new life. Foals, calves, and lambs appeared in the fields. By Mothers Day, everything had either given birth or was celebrating hope, and I assumed that I would someday join in that process.

I was the fourth of five children. When I reached adolescence and started babysittingwhich I lovedI became increasingly aware that many people have more children than they anticipate. I figured that, if anything, Id fall into that group.

Fast-forward to age twenty-seven. My adoration of spring turned to dread as I felt out of sync with the rest of the world. While everything around me celebrated new life, I experienced spring more as an injuryalmost as an indictment. With tear-stained cheeks, I watched birds build nests and lay eggs in our trees and thought of how children described me as nobodys mommy. Mothers Daythat dreaded M-Day came as the crowning insult.

My husband, Gary, and I had been married seven years, and he was starting his last year of seminary training (masters degree) in Dallas, Texas. In addition to our jobshe at a law firm, I as a writer at an insurance companyand his studies, we served as part-time staff at our church, ministering to college students. After working full-time to put my husband through graduate school, I dreamed of quitting my job and staying home to take care of our children. Friends and family were asking when wed start having babies, and it was finally time to get an all clear from my physician.

Dr. Bill Cutrer, my medical doctor, was also a seminary student, and he had a reputation for being a godly man with technical expertise. So I made the new-patient appointment, and after our consultation, he told me everything looked great. The next six months were wonderful.

Theres something magical about making love with the expectation that youll produce something as marvelous as a child. The plans and dreams arrived in full force. I mentally picked out nursery colors. For graduation we got a cara new station wagon big enough for the family we were going to have. I told a few close friends we were trying. We saved up all we could for the day when I could quit work.