Julie Arduini - A Walk in the Valley: Christian encouragement for your journey through infertility

Christian encouragement for your journey through infertility

Christian encouragement for your journey through infertility

By Julie Arduini, Heidi Glick, Elizabeth Maddrey,

Kym McNabney, Paula Mowery, and Donna Winters

Edited by Lynellen D. S. Perry, PhD

Copyright 2017 Julie Arduini, Heidi Glick, Elizabeth Maddrey, Kym McNabney, Paula Mowery, and Donna Winters

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or otherexcept for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Scripture quoted by permission. All quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Cover design by Lynellen Perry.

Cover art photo valley iStockphoto.com/1stGallery, feet iStockphoto.com/sonjaarose. Used with permission.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Abbreviations

ALS Amyotrophic Lateral sclerosis

HCG Human Chorionic Gonadotropin

HMG Human Menopausal Gonadotropin

HSG Hystersalpingogram

IUI Intrauterine Insemination

IVF In-vitro Fertilization

NFP Natural Family Planning

NICU Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

OB Obstetrician

OB/GYN Obstetrician/Gynecologist

PCOS Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome

RE Reproductive Endocrinologist

VBAC Vaginal Birth After Caesarian

Part One:

The Journey Begins

Everyones journey through infertility is different. Even women who have the same physical problems will have different courses of treatment, different responses, and different emotional ups and downs as they walk this path. But we also have so much in commonthe hurt, anger, frustration, pain, sorrow, hope and joy that we have experienced along the way.

We are women who have experienced infertility. Some of us have gone on to conceive, others have adopted, and others remain childless. All of us have found peace in the loving arms of our Father God at the end of our journey. We want to share our experiences and thoughts with you. It is our hope and prayer that youll be encouraged. Weve begun the book at the start of our individual journeys. There may be pieces of your own story interspersed throughout ours.

Dont feel that you must read this book in strict linear fashion: jump around if you so desire. On the other hand, we do encourage you to (eventually) read each entry, even those that seem less relevant at the moment. You never know when something will become relevant, and its possible that there will still be something in those entries that encourages you wherever you are in your journey. The scripture and questions are designed to help you reflect on your struggles, so we urge you to take the time to process and journal.

Donna

I am worn out from my groaning. All night long I flood my bed

with weeping and drench my couch with tears. Psalm 6:6

1967

Severe cramps struck during freshman orientation at college. Though it was mid-morning and the entire class was required to assemble on the quad outside the dorm, I closed the door to my room and lay on my bed. Disappointment and dread filled my heart as pain spread through my abdomen.

How could this be happening to me again? Why now? For years, I had struggled with menstrual crampscertainly not each and every monthbut on occasion they had been so severe, Id had to leave high school in the middle of the day. Now, the intense pain was back.

But this time it was different. I was away from home for the first time in my life. I had to handle this problem on my ownnot that my mother had ever been able to reduce my suffering, but at least Id been able to complain to someone who cared about me and loved me.

Now, I had no loved one who could sympathize with my pain. Not only that, the problem was interfering with the start of my new life as a college student, a new life in which I was determined to succeed.

Someone knocked on the door and opened it. In stepped Chrissy, a pushy neighbor from across the hall. Other girls on our floor followed her in.

Get up! said Chrissy. We have to meet on the quad!

Im not going. I dont feel well.

Youve got to go! We all have to go.

Im sick. I have bad cramps.

But the whole freshman class has to be at this meetingeveryoneno exceptions! Come on!

Why wouldnt she take the hint? Her bossiness and complete lack of sympathy increased my agony and my anger. Chrissy, if I could get up and walk across this room, I would go down to the quad. But I cant. Now get out of here and leave me alone.

After a few more verbal exchanges, Chrissy left, thank goodness, and all but Mary followed her out the door.

Mary stepped beside my bed and gazed down at me with tenderness in her eyes. Im sorry youre not feeling well. Is there anything I can do?

I shook my head. I wish I had a heating pad.

I have one. Ill get it for you.

Soon, she returned and plugged it in for me. I thanked her and as I held the pad against my abdomen, I wondered why I had to suffer this way again? And why couldnt anyone but Mary understand how badly I felt? I hated being the odd one at a time when I so badly wanted to fit in, and I despised having no control over what was happening to me.

In 1980, when I was thirty-one years old, my husband and I had a nice house with plenty of room for kids, and a huge yard. Our marriage of nine years was solid. Birth control had been discontinued three years earlier. Why didnt we have any children?

The last gynecologist Id seen was clueless about the severe pain Id experienced from time to time with my periods. I didnt want to go back to him, but who could help me? I couldnt just pick a doctor from the phone book.

I asked around at work, got a recommendation, and made an appointment. Maybe, after years of intermittent suffering, Id be able to discover the cause of my pain and my inability to get pregnant.

1. If you have suffered severe pain during your period, how has it impacted your activities and plans?

2. How has menstrual pain challenged your emotions?

3. What do you wish others would do to show their understanding of your suffering?

4. What led you to start wondering whether you were facing fertility issues?

Write a prayer asking God to help you with the challenges concerning your pain, your plans, and your emotions:

Elizabeth

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1

I dont think anyone really considers the possibility that theyre going to deal with infertility. I certainly never did. When my husband and I had been married three years, we decided it was time to start a family. We were twenty-five, and not in a hurry, so what we really decided was to stop preventing a pregnancy. And that was about all the thought we gave it for a while.

Over the next few months, my cycles got longer and, much to my annoyance and chagrin, weight started piling on, despite having made no changes in my diet or exercise regime. I didnt necessarily know everything there was to know about getting pregnant, but I knew that if my cycles werent predictable it was going to be hard to time things right and actually conceive. So, I started doing some reading. My husband wasnt concernedafter all, we werent in a hurry, and it hadnt even been a year. Sometimes, he said to me, these things just take time.