Joanna Graham - The Inconceivable Truth: Rethinking Infertility

The Inconceivable Truth

Rethinking Infertility

2016 by Joanna Graham, PhD

All rights reserved

ISBN: 978-1-62020-559-4

eISBN: 978-1-62020-483-2

Scripture taken from The ESV Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version) copyright 2001 by Crossway

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, NIV Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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DEDICATION

To Heather and Gillian, my encouragers... and the best friends a girl could have.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

My heartfelt thanks to all who shared their stories with me and to those with a Shepherds Heart for all your support, guidance, and advice.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

THE YOUNG WOMAN SPRINTED UPSTAIRS to catch the phone before it rang off. Nearly out of breath, she snatched the receiver. Hello... oh hi, Aunt May, lovely to hear from you.

She always enjoyed her conversations with her only aunt and so snuggled down on the sofa for a good chit-chat.

Aunt May was a kind, jovial woman who always seemed to have a mischievous twinkle in her eye, and it was comforting to hear a familiar voice among all the changes that had recently taken place. The young womans life was in a good place. She had just moved to a new country to live in a beautiful home with a husband she adored and was about to start a fantastic new job. With her whole life ahead of her, she eagerly anticipated the future.

As she was excitedly chattering about all her plans, Aunt May interjected, And what about kids? Wont you be thinking about having little ones soon?

Caught a little off-guard, the young woman laughed good-naturedly. What? Im only twenty-three! Theres plenty of time for all that in the future, and theres so much I want to do first.

Aunt May kindly probed a little further. Mm-hmm, thats what a lot of young ones say now, but what if you wake up one day and youre thirty years old and find out either you cant have children or have problems having them?

Laughing a little louder this time, thinking her aunt ridiculous, the young woman replied, Dont be silly! That wont happen, and anyway, thirty seems so long away. I cant even imagine being that age right now.

Just saying, Aunt May replied good-humouredly, you just never know, and you dont want to leave it too late.

Well, it has been many years since that conversation took place during which time the young woman has often recalled these words. One morning she and her husband did wake up to the realization that it would take nothing short of a miracle for them to have children.

The young woman, now thirty-eight, is me. In this book I want to share some of the journey and transformations that have taken place in our lives since the what if of Aunt Mays prediction has indeed become our reality.

Whether you have experienced primary or secondary infertility or are a family member, friend, or pastor of someone going through this trial, all would agreeinfertility sucks!

Infertility at any stage can be the most soul-destroying experience in life, wrecking marriages and crushing spirits in its unyielding wake. Almost a taboo subject, it can leave one with more questions than answers in addition to confusion about where to turn for advice. Its often very easy (and extremely annoying) to provide a textbook biblical answer without reconciling the feelings of the heart with the thoughts of the mind and the leading of the Holy Spirit. But thats not real life. In this book I want to be honest with you about the realities of infertility for the Christian and share some truth of what it is to be unable to conceive . There is a massive difference between what we are often advised to think and feel, and the realities of the experience. I hope this book will encourage you to be honest with each other and with the Lord.

Having been on this road for the last seventeen years, I have encountered many women and couples, young and old, who have experienced the sorrow of infertility, but far fewer who have come out the other side to a place of peace and joy. I have become convinced that much of the reason for this is because their counsel has not been rooted in Scripture or in Christ. God has so much to teach us from His Word for this season of our lives, and when His Word becomes alive to us, there is nothing more exciting. Therefore, much of what I write is my musings on the Scriptures. Gods Word is more powerful than anything I could ever say, so I pray that it speaks to you as it has to me.

As a culture, and perhaps more so as Christians, were just not very good at discussing infertility. No one really wants to ask questions because they think it might be too painful for you or just plain awkward for them. By sharing some of our own experiences of how God led us through some of the difficult issues associated with infertility, I hope to help you to make God-honouring decisions and understand more the place of infertility in your life.

I do not presume to provide all the answers, but my prayer is that, as you read this book and confront some of the same issues we did, you will see that even infertility can be an amazing opportunity for us to display Gods Sonand not oursto the world.

Every individual couples journey and experience will be different and unique to them. Its impossible for me to cover every aspect of infertility in a persons life, but hopefully our story will provide a starting point for you to have the confidence to question how you really feel, to help you communicate with each other, and to make Christ-honouring choices based on the Scriptures. I pray you will be comforted as I share what God has taught us from the Bible that helped us then and continues to help us now in how we regard our infertility.

Above all, my prayer is that through your hurt, this book may help the eyes of your heart to be lifted above your problems and refocused on Jesus.

I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the Gospel.

~ Philippians 1:12

CHAPTER 1

OUR JOURNEY

IT WAS DURING MY FIRST year at university that my life crossed paths with the most amazing guy I know. Our eyes met across the pool table in a smoky student bar, and that was it! He had come from Northern Ireland to study in Scotland. We seemed like the perfect match and wanted the same things out of life. While we worked hard, we also had a lot of fun together. He got on so well with all my friends and family that in no time he had become a normal part of our lives and home. It wasnt long before I fell completely head over heels in love with Stephan. Everything was amazing!or so it would seem.

Neither of us were Christians. The entire time we had been together, so many dear friends and family had been praying for us. Wed been together about a couple of years when the Holy Spirit really started to convict me of my sin. Soon a raging battle was being fought in my mind. I desperately wanted to surrender to Jesus but also wanted to marry this amazing guy, and Jesus was asking me to choose.