Julie Selby - Infertility Insanity: When Sheer Hope (and Google) Are the Only Options Left

Infertility Insanity

When sheer hope (and Google)
are the only options left

Julie Selby

First Published in Canada 2015 by Influence Publishing

Copyright Julie Selby

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the publisher. This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publishers prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.

Book Cover Design: Patrick John Aldana

Editing Team: Nina Shoroplova and Jennifer Kaleta

Typeset: Greg Salisbury

Photographer: Luiza Matysiak

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of non-fiction. The information is of a general nature to help you on the subject of infertility. Readers of this publication agree that neither Julie Selby, nor her publisher, will be held responsible or liable for damages that may be alleged or resulting directly or indirectly from their use of this publication. All external links are provided as a resource only and are not guaranteed to remain active for any length of time. Neither the publisher nor the author can be held accountable for the information provided by, or actions resulting from accessing these resources.

Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

Selby, Julie, 1968-, author

Infertility insanity : when sheer hope (and Google) are the only options left / Julie Selby.

ISBN 978-1-77141-024-3 (pbk.)

1. Selby, Julie, 1968-. 2. Infertility. I. Title.

RG201.S45 2014 618.178 C2014-904806-8

For Rachel

As a Family Therapist I understand that the topic of infertility is emotional and often difficult to discuss. Julie Selby takes a different approach in talking about her experiences. Her compelling story, laced with humour, takes a uniquely honest look at the struggles with infertility that so many women and couples face.

Alyson Jones, President of Alyson Jones and Associates, Child and Family Therapist, Author of MORE: A New Philosophy for Exceptional Living

Infertility Insanity is a heartfelt and humorous account of one womans journey from unfertile to fertile. Filled with raw honesty and lively descriptions of real people with real fertility issues, this book will make you laugh, cry and cheer for Julie and Sam. This is a must-read for anyone grappling with the intensity of infertility.

Lisa Martin, Leadership Coach, Bestselling Author of Briefcase Moms

Julie Selby has written a book on infertility unlike any other. Infertility Insanity offers a deeply personal look into the authors journey to get pregnant and so much more. Infused with warmth, humour, tears and hope, Selby opens a window into a world that will keep you riveted from start to finish.

Marilyn R. Wilson, Editor, Raine Magazine

Infertility is an emotional rollercoaster, and at times can leave you feeling completely overwhelmed and isolated. Reading about other experiences, such as Julies frank and honest account of her journey, can help you understand that you are not mad, bad, or completely insane, and that others too feel the same as you!

Susan Seenan, Chief Executive, Infertility Network UK

This book was on my mind for seven years and probably would have stayed there without the help and support of an amazing group of family and friends.

There was Sam, who didnt bat an eyelid when I left my well-paying job to finally get this story down on paper. He was the first one to read the manuscript and urge me to share it with the worldhis main edit being correcting (up) his sperm count numbers! His support, trust and encouragement never wavered, even when the bills started piling up. Thanks, Sam.

To my incredible bunch of girlfriends, who pushed me along the way, thank you for supplying me with wine and encouragement when I had second thoughts. Youre a tough bunch of cookies, but I wouldnt want to be without you all for a second.

Thank you to Sams and my families for the support both emotionally and financially, especially my Mum and my sister who, although theyre living halfway around the world, never once questioned what I was doing and had complete faith that I would finish this book one day. Apologies to Mum, who after reading it said, Well, I think I know more about your sex life now than I ever needed to!

To the team at Influence Publishing, thank you for helping me find my path through this story and for challenging me to do my best. Special gratitude to Nina and Julie whose patience and editing helped me take my story to the next level.

I couldnt close this without acknowledging the fertility team at the clinic. You change peoples lives every day. A big thank you to Dr. T., who was patient, wise, funny and who gave me two remarkable, spirited, and precious little beings.

Thank you.

If you are going through infertility and have found this book, you are probably either online or in a bookstore trying to find something, anything, that will help you get pregnant, or perhaps you know someone who is struggling with infertility and want to help. Or finally, you are my Mum, who promised me that she would buy at least five copies.

During my five-year infertility journey, I lost count of how many hours I spent in bookstores and online trying to find the answers for my diagnosis of unexplained infertility. There are some great books and information sources out there on infertility; most are written from a medical or how to get pregnant perspective, but I was looking for the one that would guarantee me a baby or at least that I could relate to when I felt like I was losing my mind. I needed something that would offer ideas I hadnt tried yet or just light relief in the dark days. By the way, there are none that guarantee you a baby, and I didnt find too many of the other ones either, which was the impetus for this one.

This story is mainly my story. It is about how infertility can literally make you lose your mind, how it impacts every aspect of your life, how hope is the only thing that keeps you going, and how, when you dont have an answer, you are prepared to try anything (by anything, I mean anything, including past life regression, art therapy and talking to dead people).

But this story is also about my friends. There is Maxine, who was dealing with infertility then had to take on cancer; my sister, who was diagnosed with PCOS and had her own infertility journey; and Kari who, after a ten-year quest for her own children, found an alternate route. However, if you are going through infertility and do not want to hear yet another story with a happy ending, you should stop here. I totally get it. I was one of the lucky ones.

The world of infertility (or as I have now re-named it, unfertility, for reasons explained in the book) is not a fun place. It is miserable and I wish someone had prepared me for it. I had no idea how dark and, at times, bizarre this world would be. For me, trying to find some humour in the situations I found myself in helped me cope. I hope it helps you too.

Good luck.

Julie Selby

I cant quite remember exactly when we started trying for a baby naturally. My best guess is just after my thirty-fifth birthday. Sam was keen to get going, but in truth I was not quite as enthusiastic. I was loving my job and my life, hence the starting age of thirty-five. We did what we wanted, we had no responsibilities, and there was a nagging thought at the back of my mind that maybe I wouldnt be a great mother. This was rooted in issues from my past. I have seen how perfectly normal parents can really (unintentionally) screw up their children.