Caroline Tapp-McDougall - The Complete Guide for Family Caregivers

Caroline Tapp-McDougall

The Complete Guide for Family Caregivers

Editor: Allister Thompson

Book Designer: Jamie Arts

Published in Stratford, Canada, by Blue Moon Publishers.

ISBN: 978-1-989517-33-8

The Complete Guide for Family Caregivers. Copyright Caroline Tapp-McDougall. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity, in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, scanning, recording, or by any storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented without written permission from the publisher. Contact: Blue Moon Publishers, www.bluemoonpublishers.com. The format, design, and layout used in this book are trademarks and/or trade dress of Blue Moon Publishers.

The views and opinions expressed in this book are those of the author, based on her personal experiences in life and business, and the book is intended to provide inspiration and valuable general guidance, however, readers must consider their own circumstances before accepting the opinions of the author and applying them in their own circumstances. The author makes no representation as to the suitability or validity of the content of this book to the personal circumstances of the individuals who will read the book and will not be liable for any errors, omissions, loss, damage or claims arising from the contents of this book. Where inspirational quotations have been used, the author has used all reasonable endeavours to ensure that the materials are not in breach of copyright and intellectual property laws.

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Caregiving can be a daunting, challenging, and complex process that requires navigating many diverse systems, sometimes simultaneously, constantly asking questions and seeking information every step of the way. Whether that involves healthcare, financial, legal, housing, communication, safety, accessibility, hiring help, or care management issues, among others, people need guidance, access to resources, and support.

Caroline Tapp-McDougall has written a timely, comprehensive, easy to understand, and invaluable guide to help caregivers in all circumstances or at any stage of caregiving with important information, suggestions, and prevention tips that will make needed tasks much more manageable. Drawing on her wealth of personal and professional experience with caregiving, she lends her wisdom and knowledge to every aspect of preparation for what lies ahead in this difficult journey. She does so by emphasizing that caregiving is not for the faint of heart, painting an unvarnished and realistic picture while at the same time offering hope and encouragement, showing how it can also be a rewarding, life-changing event and an opportunity for personal growth. She points out how caregivers must also look after themselves to be most effective and shows us how to do this.

As our population ages, the incidence of dementia such as Alzheimers, chronic illnesses, and lifestyle ailments are destined to soar. If you are not a caregiver now, chances are you will be at some point in the future. Having Caroline Tapp-McDougalls exceptional book at your fingertips will be a key resource that is a necessity on your journey.

Dr. Dan Andreae

Past Chair of the Canadian Abilities Foundation

Former Chair of the Patrons Council of the Alzheimer Society of Toronto

WARNING: FAINT OF HEART, READ NO FURTHER

Regardless of ones reason for becoming a caregiver, the responsibility entails a significant commitment that can be intense and time-consuming. Meeting care demands often necessitates life adjustments and may affect the time a caregiver can spend with family and friends, paid employment, and household responsibilities.

Within hours of my mothers stroke, I became the older daughter, making decisions, evaluating rehabilitation choices, and rushing between hospital and long-term care facilities, despite my hopeless inexperience. As I look back, that was the simple part. Daily life aprs stroke was the challenge. Like it or not, over the next few months, my mothers quality of life and medical care became primarily my responsibility. Mums life changed, and so, unfortunately, had mine and my familys.

Caring was not something I could opt out of. It wasnt a matter of choice. Through it all, my family had to compromise, stretch, and flex. Things at home had to become more agile than ever before. Mums needs and daily triumphs were often not at all what wed imagined, and the financial impact and time away from work were significant.

Our next eleven years consisted of stroke rehab treatments and equipment issues, crisis planning, and the final eye-opening realization that Mum would never speak, walk, or use her entire right side again. Her house and car became expensive albatrosses, the hospital and Tim Hortons our second home. Adult diapers, nursing routines, the comfort of wheelchair seating cushions, and pressure relief became dinner table talk. Selecting a nursing home and dealing with administration, care issues, and Mums ongoing struggles became part of my everyday life.

That day, I became a veteran coper. It was always a squeeze of time and effort. I made the two-hour return trip to Mums hometown more times than Im willing to keep track of rain, snow, or shine. Summer evenings on the nursing home lawn and awkward trips to the toilet became routine. I even learned to manage the drill from afar, not worrying about my lost income and extra expenses. I could even chuckle a bit at a few of the funny incidents along the way and let go of the turmoil of daily care. I gradually lost the guilt of not being there.

When I was there, Mum and I had a special routine. We laughed. We tried to communicate without words. We sang. I visited as often as I could and called her whenever possible (usually at dinner time!). Wed go out when I felt strong enough to push and lift. This wasnt the life either of us planned, but thats how it was, and we made it work.

Now that Mum is gone, the lessons Ive learned along the way give me strength to help others and share advice. We, family caregivers like us, are a unique and growing bunch. Sometimes it feels like at certain times in our lives we belong to a special club, where the membership criterion is an aging parent. We glance knowingly at each other beside walkers and wheelchairs like we used to behind strollers. We share stories, hats, mitts, and coats, we worry about a parent who is at risk, and we encourage one another.

I dedicate this book to caregivers everywhere with these few tips. Make your health a priority so you can stay the course. Be strong enough to plan and research well. Shed the adult-child attitude, be ready to take advice, and ask for help and say no when its too much. Forget the sense of obligation and lose the guilt. This is a labour of love, to be undertaken only by those who are agile enough to follow an unknown path.