Heather Lee - The Bridesmaid Handbook: A Helpful Guide for Staying Organized and Having Fun

Copyright 2021 by Heather Lee.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher.

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ISBN 978-1-7972-0824-4 (epub, mobi)
ISBN 978-1-7972-0732-2 (paperback)

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She popped the question, and you said Yes!

You just agreed to be a bridesmaid. Now what?

Before you begin googling bridesmaid duties and How much does being a bridesmaid cost?, take a deep breath and step away from the internet.

Chances are youve heard some wedding attendant horror stories. Maybe youve heard the one where the bride pressured a bridesmaid to pierce her ears in order to wear the earrings she was giving all the bridesmaids (because everything. must. match. perfectly.). Or the one where the bride ordered a bridesmaids dress two sizes smaller to force her to lose weight (passive-aggressive, much?). Then theres the one where the bride requested that all the wedding party members stay behind to clean the reception venue (sweep, mopall of it) after the party ended. Unfortunately, it seems like everyone knows someone who has a bad bridesmaid story, so its no surprise youre wondering what you signed up for.

Saying yes to being a bridesmaid means taking on a major commitment for the next several monthsone that comes with a lot of responsibility (not to mention out-of-pocket expenses). But at its core, the wedding attendant role is a beautiful representation of your relationship with the bride-to-be. She asked you to be a member of the wedding party because she loves you and wants you by her side on a very important day for her.

This book is a reference guide for bridesmaids, bridesmen, maids of honor, men of honor, and wedding attendantsbasically, anyone whos been asked to be in the bridal party and is wondering what to do next. Whether youre looking for bridal showerplanning tips, a realistic breakdown of how much being a bridesmaid actually costs, or advice on how to make it through the wedding day with your friendship with the bride still intact, I hope this book becomes your go-to guide for all things bridesmaid.

So, buckle up, because being in the bridal party is going to be a wild ride. But I promise you that there is a way to not only make it through the experience but also have a genuinely amazing timeand you might not even have to wear an ugly dress.

I f youve been asked to be a bridesmaid (or bridesman or wedding attendant, whichever term you prefer), there will be a moment when you take a step back and wonder to yourself: Why do we even do this? Why do brides have bridesmaids, anyway? If its traditional, where did the tradition come from?

Many wedding traditions and customs have changed over time (farewell, cringey garter toss!), yet having bridesmaids is a tradition that has endured. For the modern wedding, of course, there are duties that bridesmaids are supposed to help with, but beyond planning the bridal shower and standing by the brides side during the ceremony, whats the story behind the lasting popularity of having bridesmaids? Interestingly, it seems that bridesmaids go pretty far back in history, with a number of possible origin stories explaining where the tradition comes from.

So heres a little backstory on the history of bridesmaids, how the role has changed over the years, and what it means for you.

A: There are several popular bridesmaid origin stories. One of the most well-known dates back to the biblical story of Jacob. In recounting his marriages to Leah and Rachel, the story mentions that each bride was escorted by a female servant who was there to literally serve as her maid. And another: Ancient Roman law required ten attendants to be present for the wedding ceremony and serve as witnesses to make it official.

Bottom line

Although bridesmaids have always served the bride before and during the wedding, that does not make you her servant. Youre her friend, first and foremost, and you were asked to be in the wedding party because of your close relationship. Trust me, its very important to remember this.

A: Believe it or not, the concept of matching bridesmaid dresses was not invented to make the bridesmaids look frumpy and thus the bride hotter by comparison. In fact, the tradition has a far more serious (and kind of creepy) origin story. Back in ancient Roman times, people believed that a happy occasion, such as a wedding, could attract evil spirits who might crash the wedding in an attempt to curse the bride and groom. To protect the bride, her bridesmaids were instructed to dress identically to her, basically acting as decoys so the spirits wouldnt be able to tell which woman was the bride. The evil spirits would become confused and their evil-doing plans would be thwarted, allowing the couple to marry.

In many cultures throughout history, brides presented their grooms with a dowry of money, jewelry, and other valuable goods, which made them targets for robbers (and jealous exes!). Again, the brides dutiful attendants came to the rescue: Her bridesmaids wore similar outfits to befuddle the bandits so they wouldnt know who the actual bride was.

Over time, the role of bridal attendants has become less about risking your life for the bride and more about providing emotional support, as well as acting as a witness to the couples union. The newlyweds might even ask you to serve as a witness to their marriage in an official capacity by signing the marriage license. (More on that, as well as other bridesmaid duties, a little later.)