Sarah Stein - The Bridesmaids Manual: Make it To and Through the Wedding with Your Sanity (and Your Friendship) Intact

Make it To and Through the Wedding with
Your Sanity (and Your Friendship) Intact

SARAH STEIN AND LUCY TALBOT

THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

Published by the Penguin Group

Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

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Copyright 2013 by Sarah Maizes and Lucy Talbot.

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eBook ISBN: 978-1-101-60570-7

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Stein, Sarah.

The bridesmaids manual : make it to and through the wedding with your sanity
(and your friendship) intact / Sarah Stein and Lucy Talbot.

pages cm

ISBN 978-0-425-26436-2

1. Bridesmaids. 2. Wedding etiquette. 3. WeddingsPlanning. 4. Female friendship.

I. Title.

BJ2065. W43S745 2013 2013009615

395.22dc23

PUBLISHING HISTORY

Berkley trade paperback edition / August 2013

Cover design: Diana Kolsky and Emily Albert.

Cover image of Wedding Cupcakes copyright Ruth Black / Shutterstock.

Text design by Laura K. Corless.

SARAHS DEDICATION:

For Isabel, Olivia, and Ben

LUCYS DEDICATION:

To the memory of Gordon Kato,
trusted friend, agent, and advisor

I would like to acknowledge all of the brave and beleaguered bridesmaids who shared their wedding party stories with us. We recognize you did so not with revenge in your heart (okaymaybe a little revenge) but with intent to help (and potentially save) those future bridesmaids who would walk down the aisle after you. To you, we are most grateful. I would like to thank Ilana Stern, founder and CEO of weddingtonway.com, for sharing her wedding style expertise; Daniel McFadden, makeup artist to the stars and artistic genius, who shared his beauty knowledge; and finally, Allyson Levine, of Bob Gail Events in Los Angeles, for sharing some of the latest party planning ideas. I would also like to thank the following bridesAlison, Debbie, Ilene, Stephanie, Risa, Jodi, Wendy, and Stephanie againupon whose weddings I cut my first bridesmaid teeth, and my very wonderful and supportive boyfriend, Scott, with whom Ive agreed to elope one day. And finally, I would like to thank my agent, Elisabeth Weed, for her constant encouragement (and occasional kick in the taffeta pants) and our amazingly talented, unbelievably energetic, and incredibly patient editor, Andie Avila.

Sarah Stein

Id like to express my thanks and appreciation to our sharp-eyed and savvy editor Andie Avila, and to all the brides and bridesmaids who shared their colorful stories with us.

Lucy Talbot

Congratulations! He popped the question, she said yes, and then she popped the question, and you said yes.

If youve opened this book, its likely that you have been chosennay, handpickedby a close friend or relative who is a beaming bride-to-be to perform the sacred duties of bridesmaid. You are most likely filled with excitement because you will get to stand by one of your favorite people in the world on her most important day. And you are somewhat filled with trepidation, as you will devote months, if not the year ahead, to making sure that the big day and the important events surrounding it meet her every expectation. And at this point you are probably thinking, Uh, now what?

You may feel unsure of what to do or where to begin, or you may be wondering why you even accepted the job in the first placeyou agreed hastily, out of love, admiration, and gratitude. Or maybe you said yes out of a sense of obligation only because she felt close enough to you to ask you. (When was the last time you even spoke to this person?) You are probably confused and possibly a little regretfulyouve heard horror stories from friends and are aware that youll be committing your time, energy, and a good portion of your hard-earned savings to someone elses romantic venture.

Heres the deal: Its a big honor, but its also a big job. Not so long ago, a bridesmaid could pretty much assume she would meet a few times with fellow bridesmaids to plan a bridal shower and attend a traditional, normal house-of-worship wedding. She would be dressed from head to toe in pastel organza and would modestly celebrate at the reception before tossing handfuls of rice and other nonbiodegradable goods at the departing happy couple. No longer. In the past fifteen years, since our first book, The Bridesmaids Guerrilla Handbook, was published, weddings and wedding planning have changed dramatically. And with that, so, too, has the role of a bridesmaid changed.

Youll have to negotiate plans for showers, a bachelorette party (possibly out of town), luncheons and dress-shopping sessions (Kleinfeld, here we come!) with a bunch of women with wildly conflicting schedules and with whom you have very little in common (including style and taste) other than a relationship with the bride-to-be. Youll also be expected to wear, say, and do things that youd probably rather not wear, say, or do. Youll also have to play therapistlistening and devoting attention to the bride as needed. These duties may come at inconvenient times, such as in the middle of the workday when the bride will call to discuss the arcane minutiae of bridal fairy-tale landvacillating between a birdcage or blusher lace veil she found on Etsywhile your boss is standing at your cubicle. You may wonder, When did a magic wand turn a bridesmaid into the brides personal serf? Could it have anything to do with the first big royal wedding, the wedding of the century that 750 million people tuned in to watch in 1981 when Charles, Prince of Wales, married the demure young Lady Diana Spencer on a perfect summer day? Even women who did not view the original have seen rebroadcasts, and the pomp and ceremony of that fairy-tale wedding is dazzling to behold. And of course, Kate Middletons wedding to Prince William reignited the flame of our collective imagination; fairy-tale weddings can come true, one could happen to