Natalie Franke - Built to Belong

Explore book giveaways, sneak peeks, deals, and more.

You dont belong.

You are not enough.

Youre broken and alone.

Theyre not your friendthey are a threat.

They dont care about the struggles you face.

Their lives are perfect and yours is a mess.

You are falling behind and falling short.

You dont have anything to offer.

Truthfully: writing those sentences above feels uncomfortable. Honestly, it hurts to read those words, let alone write them.

Why? Because these arent hypothetical phrases or a made-up list of potential narratives floating around in some theoretical persons mindthese are actual thoughts that Ive painfully navigated in my darkest moments.

We need to belong in the same way that we need oxygenour physical bodies require it. Its knitted into the very fabric of our being. Humans are wired to live alongside others, and not just in some sort of parallel landscape of coexistence.

We belong to one another before we are even born.

Through the blending of genetic blueprints, through the weaving together of two other human lives, our own being takes shape. We cannot exist without the existence of others. There is no me without you.

From that initial spark of life, that first biological blending of our inherited genealogy, we travel into the space that we call home for our first nine months. Nestled deep within our mothers womb, we are connected to her through a lifeline that nurtures our every need. A cord that connects us in the darkness. A cord that remains with us until we meet the light.

Babies are a beautiful illustration of our biological interdependence.

However, connection doesnt begin and end in our earliest moments. Belonging remains critical in every season of our lives. It is a part of each stepping-stone along our journey of becoming.

In childhood we create friendships in school, and as adults we search for relationships in the workplace. The groups that we are a part of change as we ourselves evolve and grow. People walk in and out of our livesand some remain for the long haul. Belonging builds us and breaks us. It molds and shapes us. It transforms our understanding of ourselves and others. It is the foundation of the human experience.

Like tiles in a mosaic or musical notes in a symphonywe are separate parts of a collective masterpiece.

We are individual beings existing as a part of a group: a delicate dichotomy between our desire to be autonomous and our inextricable need to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. Within social groups, both humans and other animals battle with the delicate balance between cooperation and competition. The ability to operate as a group is critical to the survival of the species. However, the individual also has a vested interest in being the one to survive and pass on their genetics to the next generation.