Kathy Belge - Queer - The Ultimate LGBT Guide for Teens

AM I QUEER?

If you're a teen, you have a lot on your plate: school, family, social drama, body issues, how to get that relative who perpetually smells like onions to stop sitting next to you at every family gathering. As if that weren't enough, some of you have one more thing to deal withthe possibility (or reality) of being queer. This realization is definitely not a bad thingbut it can throw you for a loop.

To best grasp what may be going on, you're going to have to spend some time looking within. That doesn't mean staring at your belly button, pondering the cosmos, the existence of God, and what Lady GaGa's going to wear nextthough if any of that is helpful, go for it. But you will need to do a little soul searching.

Lots of teensstraight or queerhave questions about their sexuality. It doesn't always feel clear cut from the jump. Have you ever asked yourself any of the questions below?

• I am a girl and I have a boyfriend. But I fantasize about kissing my best girlfriend. Does that make me bisexual?
• I think anyone can be sexy, regardless of gender. What does that make me?
• I am a girl and sometimes I feel more like a guy. Does that mean I'm transgender?
• I am a guy and I keep having dreams about my girlfriend's brother. Am I gay?

If so, you probably want answers. Well, here's the good news: You don't need an answer to this today. Here's the even better news: Whatever the answer is, it's completely fine. Being straight or queer doesn't define who you are as a person. It doesn't say whether you're a good friend or a complete jerk or whether you should do ballet or go out for varsity football. It's just about who you are attracted to and, in the case of transgender people, what gender you want to live as. Any answer is the right one. And it's also OK if that answer changes at some point. It's all good.

To identify as queer means to see yourself as being part of the LGBT community. That means you consider yourself to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender. Here's the breakdown.

Lesbians are women who are emotionally and sexually attracted to other women. The Greek poet Sappho, who lived during the sixth and seventh centuries, wrote about loving other women. She was born on the island of Lesbos, and this is where the term lesbian comes from.

There is no typical lesbian. Some lesbians consider themselves to be butch lesbians (also known as studs), which means they express themselves in what society might consider a masculine manner. Butch lesbians might feel more comfortable dressing in men's clothing, playing aggressive sports, working a traditionally manly job, or being the person who is more chivalrous in a relationship. Femmes (also known as lipstick lesbians), on the other hand, usually dress in a more feminine manner, wear make-up, have long hair, and enjoy activities more associated with girly-girls, like maybe shopping or watching chick flicks.

Of course, not all femmes wear lipstick, and not all butches work in construction. And some lesbians call themselves futch, a combination of femme and butch. There are also blue jean femmes (a femme who doesn't wear dresses) and soft butches (those who consider themselves a less hard-core form of butch). Boi is another term, which can indicate a hip, youthful butch who may or may not identify as trans. But remember that all of these are just labels that help lesbians clarify their social identity, and the definitions are changing even as we write this book. Not everyone uses these terms, and some people find that their relationships to masculinity and femininity change over the years. If none of these labels feel appropriate for you, feel free to make up one of your ownor go without a label altogether. These identities are really about celebrating yourself and your queerness, not bogging you down.