Chris Tompkins - Raising LGBTQ Allies - A Parents Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground

Chris Tompkins is a teacher, TEDx speaker, spiritual life coach, and LGBTQ advocate based in Los Angeles, California. More importantly, hes an uncle of five. Chris believes all kids are the future and teaches social-emotional learning throughout Southern California.

W ho I am today is not the same as who I was when I began the journey of writing this book. One of the biggest lessons I learned is that so much of writing a book isnt even about writing. For me, it was learning how to manage my thoughts and to ask for help. By asking for help throughout this process, I became more vulnerable. Which both terrified and transformed me.

Working on this book was more challenging than I anticipated, and I absolutely could not have done it without incredible support. It was also the biggest blessing because it brought out the unhealed parts of me that had been dormant for years. The fact that Ive even gotten as far as to write an acknowledgment is both a miracle and a gift.

Id first like to thank my Higher Power. Although challenging, its been a deeply spiritual experience. One for which I am forever changed.

To my mom, sister, sister-in-law, and brother. Thank you for being there for me throughout this entire journey. It was hard to articulate what writing this book involved, so even just asking me for updates helped cheer me on. Especially to my mom, thank you for encouraging me, praying for me, and constantly showing up despite my unpredictable mood swings. I love you always, and Im grateful we get to journey this life together.

To my nieces and nephews, thank you for your questions and for always speaking the truth. If I hadnt dedicated this book to Nana, I would have most certainly dedicated it to each of you. I couldnt have written what I wrote without our relationship.

To all the people who ever said anything kind about this project and encouraged me to pursue my dream of writing a book. I especially would like to thank my friends Jose, Griffin, Val (rest in peace), Matt, and Sushant. There arent enough hours in a year for how much Ive talked to you about Raising LGBTQ Allies. Thank you for lending your ears for me to talk this through. I look back over the past five or more years, and its because of our constant conversations that I was given the space to flesh out the ideas in my heart. Thank you for all of our talks. Each of you inspired me to want to keep going.

A huge thank-you to my publisher, Rowman & Littlefield, for giving me the opportunity to share this passion project with the world. Thank you to my editor, Suzanne Staszak-Silva. I appreciate your guidance and help to make each chapter better. Also, thank you for reminding me to use love as my guide.

Another huge thank-you goes to BookEnds Literary Agency. I love being considered a part of your group. Although I dont know all of you personally, what you do and the love you give is felt. Especially to my literary agent, Jessica Alvarez. You have gone above and beyond and I am so very grateful for your time and dedication. I quite literally could not have done this without you. Thank you for seeing the vision of what I hope Raising LGBTQ Allies accomplishes and for believing in my ideas, even when I questioned them myself. Your consistency, follow-through, and desire to make the world a better place has helped my dream come true.

Id specifically like to thank the Allender Center, the Kabbalah Centre, Tillys Life Center, Al-Anon, and PFLAG. Each group has been integral to helping inform this books content, intention, and consciousness. Without my relationship and participation with these groups, I couldnt have written the book I wrote.

Another group for whom Id like to express my gratitude is Toastmasters. I joined the organization to practice public speaking, not realizing I had to write a speech before I gave one. Toastmasters is where I discovered writing.

Id also like to thank every student Ive ever taught. Youve been my greatest teachers.

For all the libraries in Los Angeles that gave me a place to lose myself writing, thank you. Writing can be isolating, so being around a lot of books while working on one helped me feel less alone.

To the angels of AHF, thank you for the years of service and support. I call them angels because I think the staff at AIDS Healthcare Foundation are actual angels.

I would be remiss if I didnt express my sincere gratitude for every persons story I shared and the research I used. So much of what I wrote was made possible because of someone else. I just consider myself a traveler who is simply trying to connect the dots. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Your lives have impacted mine.

A special shout-out goes to some extraordinary people who have influenced me along the way: Tori, Kiki Spielberg, Melissa, Liz, Ernesto, Steven, TeTe, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, and of course, Oprah.

Finally, to LGBTQ generations of the past, the present, and the future:

To those from the pastthank you for your courageous work thats made it possible for me to do mine. To those here right now doing the workthank you for helping heal the planet by healing yourselves. And to future generationsthank you for carrying the torch and continuing to shine its light.

8 Things to Remember about Child Development. Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, 2016. Accessed December 5, 2019. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/8-things-remember-child-development/.

Allender, Dan. Certificate in Narrative Focused Trauma Care Level I. Presented at the Seattle School of Theology and Psychologys Allender Center Level I Training, Seattle, November 1518, 2018.

Americas Top Fears 2018: Chapman University Survey of American Fears. Chapman University Blog, October 16, 2018. Accessed September 15, 2019. https://blogs.chapman.edu/wilkinson/2018/10/16/americas-top-fears-2018/.

APA Reiterates Strong Opposition to Conversion Therapy. American Psychiatric Association, November 15, 2018. Accessed June 20, 2019. https://www.psychiatry.org/newsroom/news-releases/apa-reiterates-strong-opposition-to-conversion-therapy.

Baker, Dan. What Happy People Know. New York: St. Martins, 2003.

Bauermeister, Jos A., Daniel Connochie, Laura Jadwin-Cakmak, and Steven Meanley. Gender Policing During Childhood and the Psychological Well-Being of Young Adult Sexual Minority Men in the United States. American Journal of Mens Health, November 29, 2016. Accessed November 30, 2019. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988316680938.

Beer, Sophie. Love Makes a Family. New York: Dial Books, 2018.

The Blue Eyes & Brown Eyes Exercise. Jane Elliot, 2019. Accessed May 15, 2019. https://janeelliott.com.

Boeree, C. George. Personality TheoriesCarl Rogers. Psychology Department, Shippensburg University, last updated 2006. Accessed August 11, 2019. https://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/rogers.html.

Bone, Jeffrey, and Lisa Bone. Not Every Princess. Washington, DC: Magination Press, 2014.

Brown, Bren. The Cruelty Crisis: Bullying Isnt a School Problem, Its a National Pastime. Psychology Today, November 1, 2010. Accessed October 25, 2019. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ordinary-courage/201011/the-cruelty-crisis-bullying-isnt-school-problem-its-national-pastime.

. Daring Greatly. New York: Avery, 2012.

. I Thought It Was Just Me, New York: Avery, 2007.

. Listening to ShameBren Brown. YouTube video, 20:38. July 19, 2013. Accessed September 7, 2019. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jtZdSRst94.

. The Power of Vulnerability. Sounds True, November 15, 2012. Accessed March 8, 2016. https://www.soundstrue.com/store/the-power-of-vulnerability-2917.html.

Bullying Statistics. PACERs National Bullying Prevention Center, last updated December 27, 2017. Accessed December 4, 2019. https://www.pacer.org/bullying/resources/stats.asp.