Tatiana Jerome - Love Lost, Love Found: A Womans Guide to Letting Go of the Past and Finding New Love

Copyright 2017 by Tatiana Jerome

All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, or other without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer, who may quote brief passages in a review.

Text design by Tona Pearce Myers

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Jerome, Tatiana, [date] author.

Title: Love lost, love found : a womans guide to letting go of the past and finding new love / Tatiana Jerome.

Description: Novato, California : New World Library, [2017]

Identifiers: LCCN 2016045872 (print) | LCCN 2017001743 (ebook) | ISBN 9781608684779 (alk. paper) | ISBN 9781608684786 (Ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Man-woman relationships. | Man-woman relationshipsReligious aspectsChristianity. | Single women. | Interpersonal relations. | Love.

Classification: LCC HQ801 .J47 2017 (print) | LCC HQ801 (ebook) | DDC 306.7dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016045872

First printing, March 2017

ISBN 978-1-60868-477-9

Ebook ISBN 978-1-60868-478-6

Printed in the USA on 100% postconsumer-waste recycled paper

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Dedicated to Every Queen

I dedicate this book to every woman who ever wanted to feel free. I dedicate the heart of this book to every woman who believes in love and knows that it belongs to her because it is her.

CONTENTS

Y ou gave me a voice, your spirit, love, forgiveness, and peace, and for that I give you my many todays and my countless forevers.

T hings seemed to be going okay. So what if he didnt put down the toilet seat? So what if he couldnt seem to pick me up on time or hadnt made any real plans with me? Nobodys perfect, right? No one has a perfect relationship. We had a good time, for the most part. In our three-year relationship, the good outweighed the bad. We moved in together partly because he was about to be evicted, and I wanted to be there for him. I also thought it would make us grow closer. I like to go out from time to time, and he likes to stay home. So we compromised. We would go to a movie every now and then, but mostly wed stay home. I would cook us a meal, and you know, one thing led to another, and we would knock out. I wouldnt really call that a date, but it was time with my love. Overall, things were good, and much better than they were in my last relationship, which was long-distance (well, not really long-distance; he was just two hours away, but he hardly ever came to see me). I was used to seeing him about once every two months, and he rarely wanted to talk on the phone. When I did speak to him, he really didnt have much to say, and he never asked about me. So this was much better. I was happy until the day my partner called from work to say he wanted to end things.

I spent the first three hours after that call trying to figure out why. The only thing he could tell me is that things werent working out. He said he had asked me time and time again to change certain things but that I never did. He said I nag too much, that Im not down for him, that Im always trying to start trouble. It was hard for me to think, and I couldnt stop my tears. Are you serious? Thats all that came to mind to say. He ended the conversation by telling me Im not who I used to be. He said he would come and get his things when I was at work. I cant even say I was shocked. Its not like we hadnt broken up before. Its not like we hadnt done the whole break-up-to-make-up thing. But its been more than a month, and I havent heard from him. I guess its really over.

LADIES, IF THIS IS YOU, STOP RIGHT HERE!!

Maybe youre thinking, wait, that cant be the whole story I want to know the details! Maybe I can relate to them! You might even be saying, Well, at least he was better than your ex. Ugh. Im here to tell you right now, stop that kind of thinking. Just stop it. The details do not matter, and they never will. Just as you learned in school, theres the main idea, and then theres the details to support the main idea. Well, the main idea has already played out. Its over. The only person holding on to the details of your relationship is you, because you want answers. If he cared about the details, then splitting up would have been a topic of discussion rather than a unilateral choice his.

The details do not matter. All the things you did for him do not matter. Your sacrifices do not matter. They did not make a strong enough impact on his choice. Yes, you dont throw away a relationship without trying to fix it first, but, and this is a big but, if youre the only one trying to fix it, it will never work out. If there was never a place for God in the relationship, then there was never any room for solutions to your problems to present themselves.

If You Ended It Because You Know Your Worth, This Part Is for You

If you are the one who ended it, then congratulations. It was probably one of the hardest things youve ever had to do. You didnt want to end it but maybe secretly you did. Maybe the relationship wasnt always this bad, but it also wasnt getting any better. It was clear you were being taken for granted, that you were being used as a backup plan or a safety net by your partner. You were no longer considered a gift to him. So you did what you had to do, and you ended it. You said good-bye or did you really? Did you say good-bye and then end all communication with him? On social media, email, and so forth? Or did you say good-bye without really believing it had ended?

Just because you were the one to let go doesnt mean it doesnt hurt. Maybe you felt relief at removing yourself from the situation, but that doesnt mean the pain is gone. That doesnt make it any easier to deal with, so this is your time to mourn. This is your time to figure out whats next. Its not your time to figure out what to do if he contacts you. Its not your time to figure out if hes thinking about you. You are only delaying the healing process. You are allowed to let the tears run. You are allowed to feel pain, hurt, anger, and disappointment. You are allowed to miss him, but that doesnt mean you have to go back. No one said letting go would be easy, but now you are no longer tied to a toxic situation.

The Thing Is, You Knew It Was Going to Happen

Somewhere inside you, you knew. You knew the relationship was going to end, because it was going against your spirit. If you really took the time to search within yourself, over time youd realize that you knew this was not right for you and that things had to come to an end. You knew you had to let go. You knew you couldnt change things or him. You knew things were not going to get better.