Harvard Business Review - Doing It All as a Solo Parent (HBR Working Parents Series)

Doing It All as a Solo Parent

HBR WORKING PARENTS SERIES

Tips, stories, and strategies for the job that never ends.

The HBR Working Parents Series supports readers as they anticipate challenges, learn how to advocate for themselves more effectively, juggle their impossible schedules, and find fulfillment at home and at work.

From classic issues such as work-life balance and making time for yourself to thorny challenges such as managing an urgent family crisis and the impact of parenting on your career, this series features the practical tips, strategies, and research you need to beand feelmore effective at home and at work. Whether youre up with a newborn or touring universities with your teen, weve got what you need to make working parenthood work for you.

Books in the series include:

Advice for Working Dads

Advice for Working Moms

Communicate Better with Everyone

Doing It All as a Solo Parent

Getting It All Done

Managing Your Career

Succeeding as a First-Time Parent

Taking Care of Yourself

Two-Career Families

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ISBN: 978-1-64782-207-1
eISBN: 978-1-64782-208-8

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CONTENTS

Advice that works for your unique life.

by Daisy Dowling, Series Editor

From stolen moments to shared housing.

by Marika Lindholm

Start by asking yourself what youand only youcan do.

by Carol Hagh

Tips from executives that parents can use.

by Sabina Nawaz

Assemble trusted advisers for every aspect of your life.

by Priscilla Claman

Find people who understand what youre dealing with.

by Zo Desmond

Start with your pandemic pod.

by Avni Patel Thompson

You just need to ask.

An interview with Heidi Grant by Amy Gallo

What to do when youre pigeonholed as the single parent.

by Daisy Dowling

Its about more than just where and when you do your work.

by Ruchi Sinha and Carol T. Kulik

How to think long-term when you have to focus on right now.

by Dorie Clark

Go forth and take risks.

by Alicia Bassuk and Jodi Glickman

Routine, routine, routine.

An interview with Sophie Vandebroek by Daniel McGinn

Practical advice to overcome the exhaustion.

by Brigid Schulte and Stavroula Pabst

Its a reminder that you care.

by Alia Crum and Thomas Crum

Even when you feel always on.

by Elizabeth Grace Saunders

Not how you endure.

by Shawn Achor and Michelle Gielan

The value of honest parenting.

by Shwetambara Sabharwal

INTRODUCTION

New Toolsand No Judgments

by Daisy Dowling

A lmost all of the working parents I coach have faced, or are facing, certain common challengesmanaging their time, finding good care, or dealing with feelings of guilt or conflict, for example. What working parent hasnt been there? Those things are part and parcel of knitting together children and career.

But many of my clients who are parenting on their own have certain additional concerns, too. As one newly single parent told me, I have to do a lot of explaining. Its not that my friends or colleagues arent trying to be sensitive or helpful. But they sometimes dont know what its like to be doing the working parent thing as one instead of two. Others describe struggling with building an effective support network or communicating their childcare responsibilities to colleagues with different family structures.

You and I both know that single and solo parents come in all shapes and sizes, have distinct backgrounds and experiences, and face a specific set of challenges. Perhaps youve recently separated from your long-term partner and are figuring out how to take on new responsibilities at work while really being there for your teenage kids (whose schedules are just as packed as yours). Or youve made the deliberate decision to become a parent on your own, and now, having shared the happy news with your boss and coworkers, youre trying to figure out the nuts and bolts of how your schedule and business travel will actually work when the baby arrives. Perhaps your custody arrangement is in flux, and you need to recast your scheduleagainwhile somehow making time to recharge between all the deadlines and diapers. Maybe youre recently widowed and find yourself needing to double down professionally in order to support your family, or for other reasonslike your coparents serious illness or military deploymentyoure both pulling long hours on the job and taking full charge of the kids. Whatever your personal circumstances, theres a common thread here: Youre forging ahead at work while simultaneously managing everything happening at home and being a loving parentby yourself.

That reality is something to be proud of. Its valid and its yours. The experience you have in facing and handling single working parenthood each day makes you extra adept and valuable on the job. No one can prioritize, juggle, or pivot as well as a solo working parent.

But at the same time, its also not a reality you see reflected very often or enough in the working-parent conversations or dynamic around youand that lack of acknowledgment and understanding can be hard. A lot of the research about and advice for working parents doesnt fit or resonate with solo parents. You may have caught news articles that explored why childcare responsibilities are so often unevenly split in dual-career households. (Alright... but what if youre parenting by yourself?) And then there was that work/life balance speaker at that corporate event you dialed intothe one who made EVP in your company at an incredibly early age while also raising three kids and competing in triathlonsand who attributed her success to having the right partner. Sure, its always interesting to hear a fellow parents story, but if youre a single parent, you may have found yourself shifting in your seat and wishing for different insights.