Harvard Business Review - Two-Career Families (HBR Working Parents Series)

Two-Career Families

HBR WORKING PARENTS SERIES

Tips, stories, and strategies for the job that never ends.

The HBR Working Parents Series supports readers as they anticipate challenges, learn how to advocate for themselves more effectively, juggle their impossible schedules, and find fulfillment at home and at work.

From classic issues such as work-life balance and making time for yourself to thorny challenges such as managing an urgent family crisis and the impact of parenting on your career, this series features the practical tips, strategies, and research you need to beand feelmore effective at home and at work. Whether youre up with a newborn or touring universities with your teen, weve got what you need to make working parenthood work for you.

Books in the series include:

Advice for Working Dads

Advice for Working Moms

Communicate Better with Everyone

Doing It All as a Solo Parent

Getting It All Done

Managing Your Career

Succeeding as a First-Time Parent

Taking Care of Yourself

Two-Career Families

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Harvard Business Review Press, issuing body.

Title: Two-career families.

Other titles: Two-career families (Harvard Business Review Press) | HBR working parents series.

Description: Boston, Massachusetts : Harvard Business Review Press, [2022] | Series: HBR working parents series | Working parents: tips, stories, and strategies for the job that never ends.

Identifiers: LCCN 2021036005 (print) | LCCN 2021036006 (ebook) | ISBN 9781647822101 (paperback) | ISBN 9781647822118 (ebook)

Subjects: LCSH: Work and family. | Dual-career families. | Work-life balance.

Classification: LCC HD4904.25 .T86 2022 (print) | LCC HD4904.25 (ebook) | DDC 306.3/6--dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021036005

LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021036006

ISBN: 978-1-64782-210-1
eISBN: 978-1-64782-211-8

CONTENTS

Charting your life and careers, together.

by Daisy Dowling, Series Editor

Curiosity, communication, and initiation.

by Jennifer Petriglieri

Define career success for yourselvesand your partnership.

by Stewart D. Friedman and Alyssa F. Westring

Mens work lives are shaped by their family circumstances, too.

by Erin Reid

Optimize your time and energytogether.

by Amy Jen Su

A different type of family planning.

by Jackie Coleman and John Coleman

Cast aside societal expectations and negotiate what works for you.

by Monique Valcour

Determine the financial implication of a move.

by Russell Clayton

Assess the impact on your family.

by Rebecca Knight

Set yourselves up for success.

by Katia Vlachos

How commuter couples stay in touch, manage conflict, and reunite after time apart.

An interview with Danielle Lindemann
by Ania Wieckowski

A five-step plan to help you let go.

by Elizabeth Grace Saunders

Practical suggestions for a productive conversation.

by Jackie Coleman

Its not easy, but it affects how we relate to our partners and our children.

by Amie M. Gordon and Christopher M. Barnes

Sometimes the most challenging part of your day is the first 15 minutes after you get home.

by Ed Batista

Lighten the load of bad bosses, looming layoffs, and crazy-making clients.

by Rebecca Knight

Scripts and tips to get you both through it.

by Deborah Grayson Riegel

Advice for keeping your careersand familyafloat.

Contributed by 19 HBR readers

INTRODUCTION

Two for the Road

by Daisy Dowling

Y oure a working parent and so is your partner. Youre taking this career-plus-children journey togetheras two for the road.

This can bring many wonderful advantagespractical, personal, and even professional. Maybe the fact that you and your partner both work provides you with a sense of security: If one of you loses or changes jobs, or decides to join that risky new entrepreneurial venture, you can still rest easy knowing theres another paycheck to feed the kids on. Maybe it feels great to have a built-in coach and supportersomeone whos equally in the career-and-parenting fray who really gets it and youright there at home. Do you relish the fact that your kids have not just one but two working-parent role models? Or maybe you and your partner admire each others on-the-job accomplishments, and the fact that youre both working now while also being fantastic parents just feels authentic and right.

But Ill venture a respectful guess that it didnt feel quite so right when, after the sitter called in sick last week, the two of you had a spat over who should take over childcare duty that day, when you both faced major deadlines and pressing meetings. It likely didnt leave you with that were in this together feeling when you found yourself bickering over whose new work schedule meant they could handle daycare pickup in the post-pandemic new normal. Ill bet that pulling your heavy load on the job, combined with childcare, laundry, and homework, often leaves you without enough time for your partner or for yourself. And the tense conversations the two of you have been having about whether or not to pump the career brakes, given the kids current needs? Those arent your favorites, either. So yes, of course dual-career family life has upsides, but youre often left wondering how you can both succeed at work, be the parents you want to be, remain physically and mentally yourself, and keep your partnership prominent, all at the same time.

Let me assure you that both I and my own working-dad husband are right there with youand that the majority of working parents I coach each year are as well. My husband and I bicker about who-makes-dinner logistics. We talked for hours about whether that big corporate job I was offered would mean too much overall parent time away from the kids. As I write this, Ive just coached an ambitious, successful couple delighted to be expecting their second child but worried about what the impending arrival will mean to their work routines and their relationship. To be clear, logistics, disagreements, calendars, job changes, and new babies are only a small part of the issuevisible parts of the iceberg, as it were. The real, underlying matter, which lurks beneath the surface, is the disconcerting lack of any kind of