Harvard Business Review - Succeeding as a First-Time Parent (HBR Working Parents Series)

Succeeding as a First-Time Parent

HBR WORKING PARENTS SERIES

Tips, stories, and strategies for the job that never ends.

The HBR Working Parents Series supports readers as they anticipate challenges, learn how to advocate for themselves more effectively, juggle their impossible schedules, and find fulfillment at home and at work.

From classic issues such as work-life balance and making time for yourself to thorny challenges such as managing an urgent family crisis and the impact of parenting on your career, this series features the practical tips, strategies, and research you need to beand feelmore effective at home and at work. Whether youre up with a newborn or touring universities with your teen, weve got what you need to make working parenthood work for you.

Books in the series include:

Advice for Working Dads

Advice for Working Moms

Communicate Better with Everyone

Doing It All as a Solo Parent

Getting It All Done

Managing Your Career

Succeeding as a First-Time Parent

Taking Care of Yourself

Two-Career Families

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ISBN: 978-1-64782-231-6
eISBN: 978-1-64782-205-7

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CONTENTS

On Becoming a Working Parent, Thoughtfully and Intentionally

by Daisy Dowling, Series Editor

Your Transition to Working Parenthood

What to do before, during, and after.

by Rebecca Knight

Reconsider how you define successand yourself.

by Janna Koretz

Update your life story at home and at work.

by Bruce Feiler

Have open discussions about the roles you will play.

by Jackie Coleman and John Coleman

Getting it right leads to happier parents and better career outcomes.

by Eve Rodsky

Childcare Essentials for New Working Parents

Know all the options and make the right choice for your family.

by Carrie Cronkey

Whether its a babysitter, a nanny, or Grandma.

by Daisy Dowling

Four tips that can be useful for any family.

by Marika Lindholm

Returning to Work After Parental Leave

You might not be the same professional you were before the baby.

by Rebecca Knight

Think about your boss, yourself, and your companys culture.

by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox

Making the caseand the ask.

by Ruchi Sinha and Carol T. Kulik

Resist the urge to try to fit in.

A conversation with Christine Michel Carter

Manage logistics and communication to bring home your liquid gold.

by Julia Beck and Courtney Cashman

Managing Stress, Exhaustion, and Overwhelming Emotions

Habits to follow when it feels like you dont have the time.

by Amie M. Gordon and Christopher M. Barnes

Postpartum depression often lasts long after parental leave ends.

by Julia Beck

There are two types of leader in each of us.

A conversation with Amy Jen Su and Kevin Evers

Your Career Ahead as a Working Parent

First, decide what you want.

by Lisa Quest

Putting all the lessons together.

by Daisy Dowling

Advice for returning to work and beyond.

Contributed by 18 HBR readers

INTRODUCTION

No Spreadsheet Can Cover This

by Daisy Dowling, Series Editor

B y nature, Im a planner andIll admita bit of a spreadsheet nerd. So nine years ago, when I found out that I was expecting our first child, I opened up a fresh Excel sheet and got to work. Everything, and I mean everything, I thought I needed to do or think through before the babys arrival made it onto my listwhich of course was sortable by date, category, and stakeholder. With so much changing and so much unknown, it gave me a wonderful, reassuring feeling to know that I had ordered the right baby bathtub, and that the insurance forms I needed to fill out before leave were already complete, signed, and ready to hand over to HR. A car seat, educational toys, the list of folks my husband should call from the hospital to let them know of our childs arrival? Check, check, and check. And of course I took workplace matters very carefully into account. I already had the corporate backup-care number programmed into my phone, and my parental leave transition plan was one of the longest and most agonizingly detailed PowerPoints Ive ever produced.

Was I over engineering things? Absolutely. But I was determined, and doing my bestjust as youre determined, and doing your bestto step into parenthood on my front foot, and to do right by my career and family.

Of course, I didnt know what I didnt know. And as I quickly realized, so much of working parenthood will never fit in a spreadsheet or be reducible to any Power-Point slide. Two months after my daughters birth, I got a dream-job offer that left me scrambling to reconcile my career ambitions and my feelings about being the kind of loving, present parent I wanted to be. Back at work, I knew I would have a new daily schedule and additional logistics to adapt to, but I hadnt realized that I would also have to adapt to a new identity. If I was leaving work at 5:30 p.m. each day to get home to the baby, I worried: Was I still the hard worker I had always been and still wanted to be? Communicating wasnt easy: Every time I needed to mention my parenting obligations at the officelike when I had to duck out for a few hours to take my daughter to the pediatricianI felt like an actor who had forgotten my lines. At home, of course, there were the tense negotiations with my husband, also a first-time working parent, on how to divide up our responsibilities. On top of it all, I needed to figure out how, between the emails and feedings, I could get a good nights sleep.

Heres the kicker: Im an executive coach. Its my full-time job to help other people push past challenges and obstacles and succeed. But as a rookie working parent, I didnt know where to even start with the challenge of combining career and kids. It was time to admit that my old approaches and tools might not work for me anymore. I needed to think beyond my lists and project plans, and to learn to play a whole new game.