Myriam Daguzan Bernier - Naked: Not Your Average Sex Encyclopedia

I remember one afternoon spent at the public library when I was a teenager or young adult (its blurry in my head). I was leafing through some anatomy manuals. In one of those booksthe title of which escapes me completelya chapter that raised the question of gender particularly interested me. It explained how researchers had experimented with children who had been brought up having a gender different from the sex assigned to them at birtha girl raised as a boy and a boy raised as a girland how that had transformed their bodies. I was both fascinated and horrified. I learned, in another part of the same book, that people with serious kidney problems (Im one of these people) were more likely to develop male traits or suffer from disorders of sex development (this was certainly a chapter about intersex people). I was dumbfounded. Did that mean I was a bit of a man? Did that explain why at times I didnt feel I fit in a womans role? And why I felt stuck in the attitudes and codes that are so often imposed on girls? Was it for the same reason that, when I did act as an ultrafeminine woman (say, in my choice of clothes, makeup or in my body language), I sometimes felt like I was dressing up?

Obviously, at the time I was confusing a lot of different concepts (biological sex, gender expression, gender identity, gender stereotypes and so on), but that reading had a lasting effect on me: something inside me made me nonstandard. But then, what was standard? What was normal? I didnt know. Having always had problems with my period, coupled with the regular appearance of cysts and strange shapes that changed with each ultrasound I was given, I remember wondering if I would one day be told by the doctor that instead of an ovary I hada testicle! And my strenuous gynecological follow-ups never really succeeded in convincing me I was completely normalwhatever that meant. When I found out (although it wasnt much of a surprise, to be honest) that one of my former boyfriends was gay, I had so many questions! I realized over time that attractions, and many other things, can fluctuate and change during a lifetime. That there are many sexualities and many ways to experience sexuality. There is, in fact, a rainbow of possibilities, through which multiple identities and sexual orientations can unfold. I realized there existed a beautiful, multicolored umbrella under which I took refuge and understood that each person has their journey sown with doubts and fears but also discoveries. And that it can be both interesting and important to talk about sexuality.

Long story short, I wrote this book thinking of the teenager I once was, one who asked herself a lot of questions (and I havent changed since!). Questions about her gender, her breasts, her buttocks, her whole body, the normal age to do this or that, how guys and girls work, how to deal with sexualitya subtle balance between seeming to like it but not liking it too much, so as not to pass for an easy girlwhen in fact I didnt know the first thing about all these things! I wish the teenager I was had been told that nothing is all black or all white. That identities dont restrict themselves to just two closed groups. That sexual orientations are diverse and fluctuating. That when your first time comes, you shouldnt care how old you are, because there will be loads of firsts anyway.

I wish I had been told that a fulfilling sex life has nothing to do with finding the perfect body. That you can have fun and laugh about it, that sex isnt a performance and you dont have to take it seriously all the time. That there are as many ways to experience sexuality as there are people on the planet, because every sexual relationship is unique. That sexuality is not an act that you can copy and paste, the same way every day. That it can be great one day and not so great the next. That it can be limited to hugs and thats fine. That penetration is just one of many ways to have fun. That you can say no. Or say yes and then change your mind. That the sexuality depicted in the movies is so different from what youll experience in real life. That sexuality is important, but that you can also choose to do without it. That sexuality can be the least of your worries, and even something that doesnt appeal to you at all, and thats fine too.

As a teenager, I asked myself so many questions and got so few answers. I wish I could have had access to a guilt-free, open and reassuring conversation that allowed people to be who they are or want to be. A conversation that gave people the right to say, I dont like it and I dont have to do this or that. That allowed people to choose their own sexuality or sexualities. Thats how I came up with the idea for this booka heartwarming book, an open book, a book to make people reach out and ask, How about we talk about it?

I study sexology and have been interested in sexuality for a long time, especially as a journalist. Its my passion for the subject and for human relations in general that prompted me to write this book. Sex is at the heart of our social interactions and stereotypes, our identity, our gender expression, our romantic and friendly relationships, our perceptions of our bodies. Many discussions out there try to define what sexuality should be. But I wanted to think about this topic a little more and talk about it openly, without judgment.

So I created this encyclopedia. Naked is a practical guide that can be read from start to finish, from finish to start, or in any way you see fit. It doesnt have all the answers, but I think it may contain a few. Above all, its a book that prompts you to open doors and look further.

I hope this book may be a friend, a companion, to you.

I want to be an ally. I think we need to stop and listen to what is being said about sexuality and sexualities. Because each one of us is unique and because knowing about other peoples perspectives and experiences in life can only be beneficial. Lets make the world a better place, dare I say!

I have a simple word of guidance for you while youre reading this book: Have fun .

* Title inspired by the 2007 dance show Un peu de tendresse bordel de merde! ( A little tenderness for crying out loud! ) by choreographer Dave St-Pierre.

Thank you, Pascal, for your ever-wise advice, for your ever-comforting presence, for all the sweetness that you bring to me, for our beautiful life.

Thank you to Emilie for believing in this project and for helping me pitch it to ditions Cardinal. All of this would never have happened if we hadnt started that conversation about periods with Marianne and Matthieu. (Isnt it crazy that this book now exists?!)

Thank you to Aurore, my understanding and enthusiastic editor, who challenged me just enough and allowed me to better summarize my thinking and better manage my feelings of impostor syndrome.

A huge thank-you to Anne Vassal and Dr. Rjean Thomas for their proofreading and very relevant remarks.

Thank you, Estelle Cazelais, for your overwhelming encouragement and enthusiasm from the very beginning of this crazy project, for your super-relevant comments and all the work you do to make sexology fun, funny and cool. You rock!