Robyn Fausett - The Kids Will Be All Right: A guide to raising teens in a complex world

This book has it all. No topic is shied away from. Robyn and Molly share their unique style and deliver an insightful, inclusive and incredibly current view of parenting and childhood. A must-read!

Nathan Wallis, Neuroscience Educator

The Kids Will Be All Right is a timely and important read for parents in Aotearoa. Specifically, Robyns chapter on porn and youth offers refreshing, shame-free and relevant tools for parents to help educate, equip and encourage young people as they navigate the rapidly changing online landscape.

Nikki Denholm, Director of The Light Project

Robyn and Molly have taken on the unique quest of supporting parents and caregivers through the many tough conversations they need to have with their teens. It is so important for us to have books like these based in the New Zealand context. Thank you to you both.

Miriam Gioia Sessa, Sexual Violence Prevention Specialist

This book offers parents of today an insight into their teens world, providing a platform to empower parents in communicating with their teens. The easy-to-read style allows you to focus on the chapters that are pertinent to you or read it from cover to cover. There are links to research and more resources if you want to delve further into a particular topic. A big plus is the involvement of teens in the development and writing of this book. Its a great resource for parents who want to keep the channels of communication open with their teen and it offers real-life examples of how to do this.

Cassandra Woollett, National Clinical Supervisor at Natural Fertility NZ, Fertility Educator and Registered Nurse

Disclaimer: This book does not contain medical advice. The contents are intended for informational and educational purposes only and are not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

First published in 2022

Text Robyn Fausett and Molly Fausett, 2022

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

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A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of New Zealand.

ISBN 978 1 98854 756 5

eISBN 978 1 76106 463 0

Design and illustration by Megan van Staden

Set in Adobe Caslon Pro 12/16

As I started to write this book, I felt a keen need to consult with my own children. In their early and mid-twenties they arent so far away from being teenagers that they dont remember what it was like, and I thought Id better, at the very least, seek their comments before publishing. As a parent, through their teens I certainly felt as though I learned more from my mistakes than my successes. Well, they seem to have overlooked or forgiven whichever blunders I made. My son concluded that he is thriving which, considering his teens, is definitely an achievement and gave his blessing. My stepdaughter, who has special needs, communicated in her own way that she was happy for me to go ahead; and my daughter Molly watched with interest, as is her way, as I began the initial stages of drafting. That interest grew, and soon enough she became my co-author.

Writing this brought up many stories and memories of what went well and what challenged us over the years. It has reminded me of the scary bits that sometimes loosening boundaries felt a little as though things were out of control. It also reminded me how important it was to trust yourself and trust them; to allow for some wobbles along the way; to give teens space to develop, try stuff out, experience success and failure while still within the safety of the whnau.

And then theres the indisputable and wonderful knowledge that your young person is absolutely and wholly themselves. They will forge their own path and thats how it needs to be. They wont always do it your way but you may find that you learn an amazing amount from watching them do things their way. A full-on time.

This is my first book. My route to becoming an author was not a direct one. After a career in nursing and with a particular interest in health and wellbeing in the community, I set up a social enterprise. Nest Consulting was born in 2008 and now provides New Zealand-wide in-school education on topics related to healthy relationships, sense of self, body image and sexuality. Nest also runs parent and whnau information evenings on all things tweens and teens. In addition, Nest presents community and corporate health and wellbeing events, including peri-menopause talks and well women workshops, as well as providing professional development for teachers and medical professionals. Nests recent work has included consultation and reporting to the Ministry of Education on issues such as period poverty in schools.

Molly has been involved in various capacities since the organisations very beginnings, initially spending weekends putting together resources, and later playing a more integral role reflecting the youth voice and assisting in the development of programmes. Since leaving school she has moved out of home (and back in, and left again, as they do), studied at uni, and been on her big OE thank goodness, just before Covid-19 hit and not all in the order I might have foreseen or even wanted, but its all worked out in the end, as it tends to do. She is now busy navigating this whole adulting thing and has recently gained a degree in cultural anthropology and sociology with a focus on gender studies and sexuality. Her involvement in the book gave me an invaluable perspective on the topic areas covered. Her experiences, thoughts and ideas have been captured in the krero sections throughout. We hope you find them enjoyable and insightful.

Krero with Molly

I am so honoured that my lovely mum decided to include me as coauthor not that I gave her much choice! We have worked together on projects like this since I was old enough to contribute, and we have created some incredible resources to share with the young people of Aotearoa New Zealand. I am very proud of her and Im grateful to have the opportunity to participate in such rewarding work. I remember when my mum was driving me to some after-school activity I was doing (her favourite place for a chat! Youll learn why very soon ), and she told me about how she was going to start a business and hopefully help teach young kids about growing up. I think my first reaction was fear that she might not be around to help me with homework as often! She included me in much of the process, and I was lucky enough not only to watch it grow into the successful business it is today, but also to be a part of it. Thank you, Mum, for being the strong, smart and wonderful woman Ive had the privilege of looking up to.

Nau mai ki enei krerorero / Welcome to the conversation. And what a conversation it is! Keeping on the same page with your teen is all about communication.

This is not a rule book (if only there were one ). There arent any universally applicable guidelines to growing our teens; every teen is different and every parent is different, and as a result every relationship between a teen and their parent will be unique. What works for one child may not work for another, even within the same family. Ultimately, though, as your children mature, you will begin to give one another a little room so that, no matter what their opinions and yours, you can continue to enjoy being around one another.