Joan Price - Naked at Our Age: Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex

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Table of Contents

Naked at Our Age is dedicated to the memory of my beloved husband, Robert Rice. Although Robert died before this book could be written, it is as much his as mine. You honor me when you do your work, I hear his voice tell me. So, Robert, this book is for you, in your honor, with memories of our great love.

FOREWORD

by Betty Dodson, PhD

JOAN PRICE HAS written an informative book about a much maligned group, sexual seniors. Many believe that sex for old people is nonexistent, disgusting, or downright laughable. But all you folks can wipe those grins of embarrassment off your face and accept this as a fact: American seniors are living well into their eighties today and many of us are still self-sufficient and very much interested in sustaining sexual activity. Its time for everyone to accept that, if theyre lucky, they too will be old someday. And if they make it, most will want to have some form of sexual expression.

Throughout my life, most of my thoughts, conversations, drawings, articles, and books have centered on sexual themes. In spite of the advantages that come with years of focusing on the erotic realm, remaining a sexually active senior has required a concerted effort. Aging with style has taken a lot of courage, along with a robust sense of humor. I no longer care what people will think, and I dont worry about making a fool of myself. Instead, I continue to live my life out loud and sex-proud at every age.

Masturbation is the foundation for all of human sexuality. It is our first natural sexual activity; its the way we learn to like our genitals and its how we discover sexual pleasure. Once masturbation enters the lexicon of human sexuality and is properly honored, we will move into a new phase of social harmony within ourselves, our relationships, our families, and the global community.

AS OUR BODIES change, so does our ability to have sex with a partner. Youll find a detailed discussion about this in Joans book. Even sex with ourselves changes, but it rarely goes away if a person has enjoyed a relatively active sex life of some kind. For those of us who have spent a large part of our adult lives enjoying different aspects of sex, we will manage to find ways to continue to do so.

In the early 1980s, when I turned fifty, I went into menopause. Margaret Mead described older women as having a post-menopausal zest with a renewed energy and strength to devote to a commitment in their chosen field or creative project. Instead of fearing this change and seeing it as the end of my fertile years, which meant Id be less desirable in the sexual realm, I saw menopause as a new beginning.

As I approached sixty, I felt a need to challenge the aging process more assertively. My hip joints were getting stiff and painful, and I was faced with a physical challenge. Some days I was nearly crippled. When my hip pain had progressed to the place that I couldnt comfortably open my legs to make room for a partner to penetrate me, I opted for bilateral hip replacement surgery at the age of sixty-seven. A year later I was a born-again hedonist.

One of the most important things I learned about senior partner sex is taking turns. This allows each person to fully focus on building up sexual arousal to orgasm. For me to have an orgasm, I must put my total attention on my own body and sensations. This is seldom discussed because we continue to act as though partner sex is something that comes naturally instead of being a complicated art form that requires skill and practice. Today, partner-assisted masturbation is one of my favorite forms of sharing orgasms. Or Ill use a vibrator on my clitoris during intercourse. Vaginal penetration is often his end pleasure, but for me its just a beginning.

FOR THE RECORD, most young and older men have no complaints when a woman states her sexual preferences. If anything, they are relieved when she is clear about what she wants. After all, sex is adult play, and its no fun if we inhibit our pleasure by pretending what works for a partner works for us too.

The decade of my seventies, which I see as the youth of old age, was far more delightful than I could have imagined. It was some of my best partner sex everwith a man who was in his twenties! I wrote about this ten-year affair in Orgasms for Two: The Joy of Partnersex.

Now, as a single woman again at the age of eighty-one, Im very aware of my aging body with brown spots cropping up all over, my round belly pulling on my lower back creating pain, and all that wrinkled skin. Thats when I remember to count my blessings. I can still walk, talk, laugh, sing, dance, write, and have an orgasm any time I desire with one of my many vibrators and a fantasy. I love my website with Carlin Ross, www.dodsonandross.com, where I answer sex questions for people from around the world. My background as an artist and PhD sexologist dovetails nicely with Carlin, who was formerly a lawyer and a brilliant cyber geek.

While we can all agree with Bette Davis, who said, Old Age aint for sissies, no one tells us the good news about growing older, like the freedom that comes with knowledge, no longer caring what people think, and enjoying the fruits of our labors. I see aging as the final challenge. Instead of a Grim Reaper who waits in the shadows to whisk us off to some dark scary unknown place, I prefer to see death as my final work of art, the ultimate orgasm being when the life force leaves my body. Until then, Ill continue to figure out ways to enjoy my older body. As long as I can access my mind for sexual memories and fantasies while I hold a vibrator on my clitoris for one more orgasm, Im here for the long haul as I head for one hundred or more.

Let Joans book inspire you to enjoy your sex life to the end.

BETTY DODSON, PH.D.
NEW YORK CITY, 2010
www.DODSONANDROSS.COM

INTRODUCTION

I STARTED WRITING ABOUT Senior sex after falling in love, at age fifty-seven, with the love of my life, artist Robert Rice (yes, his last name differed from mine by one letter), who was then sixtyfour. We gloried in our close connection, our spicy and exhilarating sexuality.

Our sexy love story propelled me to write a candid book celebrating senior sex: Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, published by Seal Press in 2006. I was on a mission: It was time for our generation to talk out loud about senior sexuality and prove that wrinkles and decades of birthdays are no deterrent to hot sex.

I spoke at bookstores, women-friendly sexuality shops, senior expos, even a naturist resort where many in my audience sat nude (I stayed dressed). As I traveled and met new people, two common themes kept coming up. Women and men started saying to me, Well, bully for you for having such great sex, but Im not, and heres why... And men in the audience told me, Better Than I Ever Expected is for women. What about us? Wheres the book addressing our concerns?

I realized that I had to write a new book about senior sex, this time addressing both women and men, and this time dealing with their problems head-on. I solicited interviews from boomers, seniors, and elders who had sexual concerns related to aging. I rewrote the questionnaire I had used for Better Than I Ever Expected, concentrating on the problems more than the delights. I emailed this questionnaire to readers who had contacted me already, and solicited more interviews on my blog, other blogs read by the age fifty-plus community, and at my talks and workshops. In the questionnaire, I asked interviewees to answer in detail any question that applied to them and ignore the rest, or to just tell their story in their own way. I promised confidentialitythey would choose a code name (a first name of their choice) and no one but me would know their true identities.

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