Carol J. Decker - Unshattered: Overcoming Tragedy and Choosing a Beautiful Life

Photo in Introduction courtesy of Willow Eskridge. Photos in Chapter 11 courtesy of Coral von Zumwalt. All other photos courtesy of the author.

2018 Carol Decker and Stacey L. Nash

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the publisher, Shadow Mountain, at permissions@shadowmountain.com. The views expressed herein are the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the position of Shadow Mountain.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Decker, Carol J., 1975 author. | Nash, Stacey L., 1980 author.

Title: Unshattered : overcoming tragedy and choosing a beautiful life / Carol J. Decker and Stacey Nash.

Description: Salt Lake City, Utah : Shadow Mountain, [2018] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2017055090 | ISBN 9781629724164 (paperbound)

Subjects: LCSH: Decker, Carol J., 1975 | Women amputeesBiography. |BlindBiography. | LCGFT: Autobiographies.

Classification: LCC RD796.A2 D43 2018 | DDC 617.5/8092 [B]dc23

LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017055090

Printed in the United States of America

Edwards Brothers Malloy, Ann Arbor, MI

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Cover photo courtesy Coral von Zumwalt

Book design: Shadow Mountain

Art direction: Richard Erickson

Design: Kimberly Kay Durtschi and Shauna Gibby

Contents

Introduction

by Scott C. Decker, DMD

Carol and I met at what was then Ricks College in 1995, during our sophomore year. After dating for three years, we married in March of 1998. We moved to Seattle so I could manage a warehouse full time while going to school at the University of Washington. While living in Seattle, Carol worked as a medical assistant at multiple cardiology offices. She became well known for being a hard worker, a good friend, and a kind person. Carol has always had a knack for making friends. People are just attracted to her.

After I finished my studies at the University of Washington, we moved to Boston so I could go to dental school full time. Carol worked more than full time to support us while I was in school. She again made many friends and gained the trust of her colleagues at the endocrinologists office where she worked. Leaving Boston was harder for her than for me because of all the friends shed made.

Scott and me, growing stronger as we manage trials together.

After I graduated in 2005, we moved back to Seattle. We lived close to Carols new job in Seattle at another cardiology office, and I commuted for two years as an associate dentist in Tacoma. In 2006, we decided to start a family, and on New Years Eve, our first daughter, Chloe, was born. In late 2007, we found out Carol was pregnant with our second child, Safiya.

This book is about Safiyas birth, how it changed our family forever, and how the strongest woman you could ever know fought to be part of our lives.

In June 2008, Carol was put into early labor with an infection that developed into sepsis. It almost killed her. That infection led to some physical disabilities that shethat we have had to learn to live with and eventually try to thrive with.

Early in Carols illness, I was at the hospital all the time and balancing a new dental practice and two kids. We had an amazing support system from both of our families. We could not have gotten to this point without them. During the second hospitalization, I found it much harder to be with Carol during all of the plastic surgeries due to my work and family obligations. I am forever grateful to my brother-in-law, Heath, who has given our family more service and care than anyone. I might not have gotten through those months if he hadnt been at Carols bedside when I couldnt be.

Throughout the hospitalizations, Carols return home, and even now, to a lesser degree, I have tried to search for what would make her life easier. I have constantly worked to make sure we have the proper insurance coverage to afford the technology she needs to thrive.

When Carol got home from the hospital, I thought there had to be a book out there that explained how to deal with everything before us. I soon had to learn that every step Carol took would be at her pace and would require tools specific to her. At first, we relied on what was easiest. Sometimes we tried things that didnt work. When she first came home, I would carry her around a lot. I did that off and on for the first couple of years as she went through additional surgeries. But over time that wasnt necessary. For a few years, she could only wear her prosthetic legs so long before she got exhausted and had to take them off. Slowly, that went away, and she could wear them all day. We used to take her wheelchair along if we went somewhere so she could get off of her legs, but that need has gone away as well.

Slowly, Carol began to pick a goal and master it if she could (a habit shes continued to this day). In that sense, she was no different than she was before sepsis. For a couple of years I did her makeup for her, but eventually she made a goal to do it herself. Before long, I didnt need to do that anymore. I used to email and text for her, but she can do that for herself now. We grocery shop in a way that allows Carol to eat at the house by herself. I guess the moral is that she, and we, her family, have tried to work hard and have had to learn that even though there isnt a book on how we should do this, we can slowly figure it out simply by living.

Our daughters and I have to do a bit more than the average family. I am the cook now, something I never was before Carols infection. Our daughters are very responsible and help out in every way they can. We used to all go into public bathrooms together, but now the girls help their mother if needed. Carol can do it herself, but it is easier if someone can direct her. We used to help Carol pick out clothes, but she does that herself now, too. We just give her the yea or nay on some outfits, usually when she has to dress up. We still havent mastered how she can safely use the oven and stove by herself. We have tried, with some small success, but theres still a long way to go.

As Ive gone to some of Carols speaking engagements, more and more people have asked how we have done this for the last decade. The first thing that always comes to mind is our extended family and a strong support system. Everyone in our town knows and accepts us.

I struggled a lot on a personal level with what happened to us, especially in the first couple years. It was like being married to a totally new person, and it was hard. During the early years, I went through the day-to-day motions. There wasnt a lot of time to think about much else besides working and taking care of Carol and the girls. I eventually got to a point where I didnt want as much outside help to make our family run. I had to decide to make some positive changes in my own life so I could do what it took to make my family run smoothly with just Carol and me.