Carol Kent - A New Kind of Normal: Hope-Filled Choices When Life Turns Upside Down

2007 Carol Kent

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise marked, are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Other Scripture quotations are taken from the following versions: The Message (MSG) by Eugene H. Peterson. 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group. All rights reserved. The King James Version of the Bible (KJV). Public domain. The New King James Version (NKJV). 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. The Holy Bible, New Living Translation (NLT). 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved. The New American Standard Bible (NASB). 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Todays English Version (TEV). 1976, second edition 1992, American Bible Society. The Living Bible (TLB), 1971 by Tyndale House Publishers, Wheaton, Illinois. Used by permission.

Cover Design: The DesignWorks Group
Interior Design: Casey Hooper

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Kent, Carol, 1947
A new kind of normal : hope-filled choices when life turns upside down / Carol Kent.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0-8499-0199-7 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-0-8499-1917-6 (IE)
ISBN 978-0-8499-2083-7 (trade paper)
1. Consolation. 2. SufferingReligious aspects--Christianity. 3. Kent, Carol, 1947- 4. Parent and child--Religious aspectsChristianity. 5. Kent, Jason Paul. 6. Murder--Religious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.
BV4909.K45 2007
248.8'6dc22

2006101146

Printed in the United States of America

08 09 10 11 RRD 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This book is dedicated to people

WHO ARE LIVING IN THEIR OWN
NEW KIND OF NORMAL.

THEY HAVE ACKNOWLEDGED THAT
UNEXPECTED CIRCUMSTANCES MEAN
LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AS IT ONCE WAS.

INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY OR WITHDRAWING
TO A PRISON OF THEIR OWN MAKING,
THEY CHOOSE TO EMBRACE THE NEW
OPPORTUNITIES AND UNEXPECTED JOYS
THAT CAN ONLY BE KNOWN BY THOSE WHO SAY:

I will survive.
I will persevere.
I will be vulnerable.
I will forgive.
I will trust.
I will hold those I love with open hands.
I will be thankful.
I will choose purposeful action.

I SALUTE YOU!

CONTENTS

When Despair Tries to Take Me Under...
I Choose Life

When I Wonder What God Could Possibly Be Thinking...
I Choose Trust

When I Desperately Want Relief from Unrelenting Reality...
I Choose Perseverance

When I Feel Oppressed by My Disappointment and Sorrow...
I Choose Gratitude

When I Want to Keep My Feelings to Myself...
I Choose Vulnerability

When Nothing Goes According to My Plan...
I Choose Relinquishment

When I Want to Point the Finger...
I Choose Forgiveness

Eight PITY PARTIES, DREAMS GONE AMUCK,
AND NEW BEGINNINGS

When I Want to Give Up...
I Choose Purposeful Action

The day was swelteringly hot. Humidity lurked in the house like an unwanted guest that refused to leave. The air-conditioning couldnt keep the temperature down with so many doors open to the outside. Sweat dripped down our faces in dirty little streams as my husband and I directed the movers to place furniture and boxes in the appropriate rooms in the house we had just purchased in Florida.

I found myself speaking out loud to no one in particular: Anyone who moves to this state has definitely not visited here in the month of July. I have been here less than a day, and I miss the Great Lakes. I miss changing seasons. I miss my friends. I miss my beautiful home along the St. Clair River. I do not want to be here. I hate this weather! I hate this stinking humidity! I hate the reason I had to move here! I want my old life back. I want my peaceful, comfortable, convenient, normal life back!

Hey, lady, the mover shouted, where does this table go? Wiping away a stray tear, I suddenly realized that the people who were assisting with this move didnt know the difference between a tear and another stream of perspiration. Ah! Something to be thankful for! I didnt want pity. I didnt want compassion. I didnt want to be vulnerable in front of strangers or with anybody else, for that matter, including some relatives who had come to assist with the move. I wanted to be alone in my misery. But that wasnt possible on moving day. So I did what I had done so often before. I sucked in my grief, turned up the denial dial on my emotions, wiped my grimy face with a dishtowel, and started directing traffic.

After several interminable hours, the last piece of furniture was off the moving van, and the final box had been piled in the kitchen. What a disgusting mess! Kind of like my life, I thought. I was teetering on all-out morbid. Moving across the country was not my idea of fun. I was especially unhappy about being within driving distance of Disney Worldthat undesirable place where smiling parents brought their perfect families to see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, and Snow White. I certainly didnt want to be reminded of fairy tales and happily-ever-after endings.

My life was no longer tidy and unfettered. It was messy, sad, difficult, and unwanted. No one would be selling tickets to advertise my idyllic life. Those days were over. Another chapter of my life had begun, and there was nothing I could do to change it, alter the direction, or manipulate more favorable circumstances. Life as I had known and enjoyed it had turned upside down. My disappointments were gigantic. My hopes were buried in the rubble of recent developments that were so shocking that I was still trying to find any meaning in the fractured pieces of reality that remained.

In one moment in time, everything about the future changed.

If you have read When I Lay My Isaac Down, you know about the startling event that shaped my reaction to this move. Gene and I are the parents of an only childa son named Jason Paul. While still in the womb, we called him Thumper because his activity was constant and his prebirth antics were a precursor of the black belt he earned in karate at the age of eighteen. I was the eldest of six siblings, and as the firstborn grandchild, our son had a personal cheerleading squad surrounding him from earliest daysthree sets of grandparents, along with aunts and uncles in abundance. Eighteen first cousins would join us after J.P. was born, and they all adored him. He was as close as a brother to some of them. Our expectations for our sons future were high, and Jason did not disappoint.

He was a witty, high-energy child who endeared himself to anyone who took the time to know him. While in high school, he became president of the National Honor Society and tutored younger students. Jason went on mission trips with his church youth group and volunteered for Habitat for Humanity. Long before graduating in the top twenty in his class, he set his sights on getting into the United States Naval Academy. He received an early invitation to become a cadet at West Point but held out for his hearts desirebecoming a midshipman at the USNA in Annapolis.