Ayesha S. Chaudhry - The Colour of God: A Story of Family and Faith

Acknowledgements

Recite in the name of your Lord who created

Created humans from a clinging clot of blood

Read and your Lord is most generous

The One who taught with the pen

Taught humans what they know not

Certainly, humans transgress

When they imagine themselves independent, self-sufficient.

All books are written in community and this book was especially nurtured, cultivated in community in several communities. There are so many eyes, ears, hearts and hands that have cared for this book and for me throughout the years, so much enduring love that has guided and supported what this book and I have become.

Although writing can feel cerebral and lonely, it is fundamentally a metabolising of experiences and a reaching out, a reaching toward; a deep awareness, when we are alone, that we desire to commune, speak to others, offer ideas, write beautiful sentences, share ourselves with others. Writing is about listening deeply and speaking to those who are not before us, who might have passed, who are elsewhere, who have yet to arrive. Writing , Robin Wall Kimmerer teaches us, is an act of reciprocity .

Those who know me know that I love to share, to be in conversation, so almost as soon as I wrote the sentences in the first draft of this book, and every draft thereafter, I was sharing them, reading them aloud, talking about them with my loves, with my friends, with my family. Reading and listening, reading and watching, trying to understand how the words were landing and how I needed to change them to carry the meanings I meant to convey. Thank you, to everyone who listened.

I owe my deepest gratitude to Rumee, whose brilliance illuminates my world and without whom this book would simply not be. Thank you for the walks, the listening, the sharing, the caring, the nurturing, the reading, the editing, the deep thinking and, most of all, for the loving for loving all the versions and forms of me; for always, always so willingly doing with me, so lovingly, the work of love.

I am deeply and happily indebted to bbbg. Thank you for your light, your laughter, your dancing, your tenderness, your ears and sunflower eyes and dil on this book; for pointing out smells and sounds, for showing me beauty tucked away or in plain sight on a well-worn path; for eyes that make the old new again.

I am grateful to all who read this book in its entirety, believed in it, encouraged it, provided me with careful feedback chapter-by-chapter, whose eyes made it better. Rumee ( I mean, goddamn! ); Anver ( take out that scene! ); Joyce ( I screamed when I read that ), Ross (s how us how you get from rage to resolution ), Daniel ( too much is a way of saying not enough ), Samira ( this is a love letter ), Lauren ( the things we are dogmatic about are the things we are willing to sacrifice love for ), Lynette ( we come of age at different ages ).

In 2018, I organised a three-day workshop around an earlier version of this book and I am grateful to the participants who shared so generously of their time, their energy, their insights, who showed me the work the book was already doing in their lives Sadaf, Iman, Shehnaz, Maysa, Waged, Sadaf, Noor, Samira, Homayra.

I am indebted to all those who listened to or read excerpts of the book over the years, who engaged with it thoughtfully, nourished and nurtured me and my writing, feeding my heart, my body, my soul, and my mind. Thank you to Renisa, Riaz, Sayeed and Lialah (pound cakes and making space for us on your apocalypse raft); Tara, Sebastian, Asmani and Gaia (seed bars, spelt loaves, freshly squeezed juice & huggles); Rosily and Dick (feeding us the garden); Shakeela and Shehnoor (kebabs and clams and bike rides); Bill and Susan (our adventures, our transformations); Nadia (sharing your story to hold space for mine); Amal (making Vancouver home); Noor and Youssef (hiring committee!); Meher Aunty (impromptu meet-ups); Adel and Nihal (asking me to read more); Minelle (interviews and affirmations); Tamir, Nina and Salma (picnics and plums); Daniel and Kent (pizzas, the blanket and your home); Ben, Lisa, Sophia and Theo (flatbreads and walks); Letina and Solomon (the injera); Naveena and Hassan (newborn daal); Janice and Mary (counsel, coffee walks and dumplings); Allyssa ( its okay to cry at work ); Candis (exploring freedom); Kim (living openly); Malinda (step counts); Talia and Blair (culinary adventures); Jamie and Ashley (witnessing and dreaming); Vivette and Katherine (trusting me); Iman and Waleed ( Cardi B is Lebanese! ); Azza (insisting on religion); Alia (inviting me to your farm); Tania (the blessing of a dastarkhwan); Doug and Barney (Persian stew); Anna (the bread and the bag); Max (for always helping me celebrate); my sagacious and sorely missed therapist Tracy ( now is the only forever because it is always now ); my brilliant therapist Mercedes (if love is weakness, then let us all fall to our knees ).

I am thankful to The Rainbow Coalition at Radcliffe, which was one of the sites where this book was birthed. Our care and witnessing of each other was essential for this project thank you, Joyce (for catching me); Ross (gifting the best reading lists); Sarah (that dumpling dinner); Tiana (encouraging me to stay and look at Mars); Laurence (no party is complete without an online poll); Kris (yoga and knowing when to walk out); Alyssa (teaching us to trust ourselves); Reiko (instructing us through silence). At Radcliffe also, thank you, Michael (reminding me about curiosity, and caring about and for this book); Valerie ( youre a writer, no, I mean, a real writer ); Elliott (catching me too, and for writing Rumee); Peter (encouraging this book).

There are people in Islamic Studies and Religious Studies whose support has been essential in getting me to where I am. I am indebted to you, Leila, Anver, Diana, Farid, Rahuldeep, Niloofar, Steven, Ziba, Mahan, Ebrahim, Erik, Kristian, Yossef, Andrew, Sadiyya, Amina. Thank you to anyone who has written a letter for me, unbeknownst to me, who has supported me when they have had power; thank you to everyone who has opened the gate.

I have the great fortune of working in a unit, the Social Justice Institute at the University of British Columbia, that is supportive and kind and generous. Thank you especially to Denise, for your wise leadership over the years, and Janice, for your wonderful turn as acting director. I am grateful to each of my colleagues for brilliant, thoughtful exchanges, and always for your generosity. I am indebted to my students, for taking a leap of faith with me, for practising freedom together, for teaching me that freedom is only ever practised in community.

I was supported by several fellowships that made this work possible, most especially by giving me the gift of time. My gratitude to the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study, the Canada Research Chair Program, the Peter Wall Institute for Advanced Study, and the Pierre Elliott Trudeau Foundation.

I am grateful to the writers and artists whose work has made mine possible. It is impossible to count them all but I was deeply formed in the writing of this book by the voices, the wisdom, the wit of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Riz Ahmed, Rumee Ahmed, Hilton Als, Elizabeth Alexander, Aziz Ansari, James Baldwin, Asma Barlas, Leroy Little Bear, Joyce Bell, Lucille Clifton, Ta-Nehisi Coates, Kimberl Crenshaw, Barbara T. Christian, Michaela Coel, Angela Davis, Assia Djebar, Toi Derricotte, Ava Duvernay, Anver Emon, Nikky Finney, Ross Gay, Aracelis Girmay, Donald Glover, Saidiya Hartman, Ziba Mir-Hosseini, Daniel Heath Justice, Tayari Jones, Kristiana Kahakauwila, Mindy Kaling, Robin D. G. Kelly, Laurence Ralph, Robin Wall Kimmerer, Sarah Koenig, Jhumpa Lahiri, Kiese Laymon, Audr Lorde, Kris Manjapra, Renisa Mawani, Hasan Minhaj, Wesley Morris, Toni Morrison, Fred Moten, Mira Nair, Zarqa Nawaz, Issa Rae, Claudia Rankine, Patrick Rosal, Arundhati Roy, Amy Tan, Sonia Sanchez, Sadiyya Shaikh, Gyatri Spivak, Malinda Smith, Zadie Smith, Kim TallBear, Amina Wadud, Jenna Wortham, and Laurie Zoloth.