Christopher Monks - The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life: Or, the Video Game as Existential Metaphor

I n many ways Your Infant/Toddler Years are the most challenging level in the entire game. During this level, you'll learn the basic and necessary skills that will help you lead a happy life. The tasks, at first glance, may seem relatively simple, but you will quickly discover that's not the case.

Of all the levels in Your Life, Level I offers the least control, particularly during the Infancy section. While the other levels feature deep, open-ended gameplay, Your Infant/ Toddler Years can be quite inhibiting. For much of the level you're at the whim of your mother and her friend; they decide where you go, what you wear, what you eat, and what toys you get to play with.

Thus, at times Your Infant/Toddler Years will be a study in frustration, the likes of which you may never see again in Your Life. Thankfully, at other times you'll experience sheer delight and wonder and joy. But above all else, perseverance is key during this level, and the payoff is well worth the effort. So revel in Your Infant/Toddler Years while you have them. You're only this young once.

Before we dive into Level I, it's best if we go over the nuts and bolts of the game in general:

Life Points (or LPs) can be earned and lost in numerous ways throughout the game, mostly by winning or losing challenges and mini games. You also can receive or lose Life Points by performing everyday tasks, social interactions, or gestures, such as making somebody smile (+1 LP) or having a meltdown in the supermarket (-1 LP). The goal of Your Life is to accrue as many Life Points as you can. Having lots of LPs doesn't necessarily guarantee a satisfying Your Life experience, but it certainly doesn't hurt. And if you want any chance of life after death, you'll need to acquire many of them.

SOME WAYS TO EARN LIFE POINTS DURING YOUR INFANT/TODDLER YEARS

• Giggling

• Getting kissed by your mother or her friend

• Hitting anything that dangles before you

• Being in the presence of a grandparent

• Clowns

SOME WAYS TO LOSE LIFE POINTS DURING YOUR INFANT/TODDLER YEARS

• Sticking whatever non-food item you come across into your mouth

• Having to take a bath

• Having a meltdown in a public place

• Being told by another toddler that you're not his/her friend

• Clowns

As with all but one other level in Your Life, the Infant/ Toddler Level is comprised of four challenges and multiple mini games. In order to unlock the next level in the game, you will have to complete each of Level I's challenges in order.

Most of the mini games in the level, as well as in the rest of Your Life, can be played repeatedly for however long you remain interested by them. Solving all a level's mini games is not required to advance to the next level, but we encourage you to do so, as some are key to unlocking later parts of Your Life.

WARNING: Mini games are a double-edged sword because they provide an opportunity to both attain and lose Life Points. So play the mini games wisely or else Your Infant/Toddler Years will be a lot more traumatic than they already are.

Hidden items are scattered throughout Your Life. When found, they can enhance your gaming experience, yet none are necessary for completing the game successfully. Some items make certain aspects of Your Life easier, while others exist simply for aesthetics.

Cheat codes, on the other hand, we feel take away purity from Your Life. Some cheats have a dramatic effect on gameplay and will turn the experience into something akin to a bad, over-the-top carnival ride. If you constantly cheat your way through the game you're all but guaranteed to feel empty upon its conclusion, as though Your Life was a meaningless exercise. However, there is no denying that cheats are present in the game, and this guide wouldn't be complete if we did not include the ones we know exist.

TIP: We suggest you use the cheat codes sparingly, if at all. Play the game honestly as best you can. When it's all said and done you won't want to look back on Your Life and realize that you've cheated your way through it. That will just leave you feeling cold and empty inside.

Various health meters will pop up on the screen throughout Your Life. For the most part, they're a good way of measuring your physical and emotional states. Other times, they serve only to make you a nervous wreck, as you furiously try to adjust them to normal levels.

1 Those gamers who've played Your Life as either big-hitting professional baseball players or political campaign managers know what we're talking about.