Lynette Sheppard - The Everyday Enneagram: A Personality Map For Enhancing Your Work, Love, and Life...Every Day

2000 Lynette Sheppard. Printed and bound in the United States of America. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval systemexcept by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review to be printed in a magazine, newspaper, or on the Webwithout permission in writing from the publisher. For information, please contact Nine Points Press, 11 La Cresta Drive, Petaluma, CA 94952.

Although the author and publisher have made every effort to ensure the accuracy and completeness of information contained in this book, we assume no responsibility for errors, inaccuracies, omissions, or any inconsistency herein. Any slights of people, places, or organizations are unintentional.

Cover photo by Dewitt Jones. Dewitt Jones Productions, Inc.

First printing 2000

ISBN 0-9700240-5-3

eISBN 9781626755956

LCCN 00-132897

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To the love of my life, Dewitt,
and to son Brian and daughter Deanna,
all of whom continue to teach me the value
of the Enneagramevery day.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I will be forever grateful to Cathie Haynes for bringing the Enneagram into my life and for her discerning counsel regarding this book. I also owe a debt of gratitude to my teachers Helen Palmer and David Daniels, whose work with the Oral Tradition and panels of exemplars representing the nine types continues to inspire and inform my own work.

I also wish to thank Charles Miller and Nancy Stetson for believing in this project and for editorial guidance, Bronwyn Cooke for artistic expertise, Louise Cochran for ideas and happy thoughts, Maggie Bedrosian and Susan Bradley for manuscript suggestions and cheerleading, and Sam Horn for invaluable help and advice.

Most of all, I am indebted to those who have so willingly shared their inner landscapes. This book could never have been written without their stories and insights on using the Enneagram in everyday life.

Discovering the Map

Fifteen years ago I went to lunch with my good friend, Cathie, at least once a week. Often she would delight in some mannerism or verbalization of mine, proclaiming, Oh, you are such a Seven! Annoyed yet intrigued, I promised to learn about the Enneagram (pronounced any-uh-gram) if she would quit describing me in numbers. It turned out to be one of the best decisions of my life.

For the first time, I began to understand some of the patterns that ruled my life seemingly without my volition. With this knowledge came a newfound freedomI might not have to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. I also found a map for my gifts and how to maximize them. I began to see how others might experience me, both positively and negatively.

What was equally important, 1 began to learn about the internal motivations and worldviews of those closest to me, finding that my way of seeing the world was only one right answer. There were eight other dramatically different ways of seeing and being in the world. And they were as right as mine! Learning the Enneagram gave me a chance to begin to experience how these other eight types felt inside. Id learned a number of personality systems that shed light on various behaviors and characteristics. But until the Enneagram, Id never had a map for how it felt to be inside anothers skin, looking out from their eyes.

The Enneagram changed my perceptions about myself and others. I became more aware of my impact on people. I learned my habitual or automatic way of looking at situations and began to examine my assumptions. I questioned my particular version of reality and found a way to break the patterns that did not serve me.

In using the Enneagram with others, I discovered new depth in relationships. I learned more about the inner world of my spouse and children. New understanding strengthened and deepened our connections. Im still learning from them!

I won't say that my life has been made easier by the Enneagram, though I can certainly point to instances where it has helped smooth the way. Staying awake to and noticing my personalitys automatic mode isn't always easy. Yet my life and relationships have been made much fuller and richer. I work better. I love better. And I live better. I couldnt ask for anything more.

How This Book Came to Be

My students reported, Ive gained a lot of insight into myself (or my boss, my kids, my spouse, my parents, etc.) through the Enneagram Ive really enjoyed learning about the nine personality types. But I still dont know how to use the Enneagram on a day-to-day basis.

This quandary was expressed by most of my students, even those who had completed advanced work. I gave out exercises to some, ideas and homework to others. I passed on how others had used the Enneagram in their lives. However it was piecemeal and something was missing. Insight might have been interesting, but something more was needed.

The Enneagrams greatest benefit is that it is a practical tool for dealing with self and others on a daily basis. This book began as a manual for my students and evolved into a guide for actually putting to use the compelling information offered by the Enneagram.

How to Use This Book

This book is not meant to be read in a linear fashion, from front to back. Those new to the Enneagram will want to read chapters 1 and 2 to begin to find their own types. Once one knows ones type, the system offers a number of practical applications in everyday life. Then skip around to the chapter that most meets your needs at the present time. If you are having difficulty with a particular person in your work life, go directly to Chapter 8 for exercises and ideas. If you are wondering how to relate better to your children, read Chapter 7 first. it intimate relationships are your foremost concern, do not pass GO, do not collect $200, skip to Chapter 6. If you are most interested in your own personal growth, Chapter 5 is your first stop. And if interest in the Enneagram as an adjunct to spiritual life is your primary interest, by all means visit Chapter 9.

Use this as a workbook. When faced with a problem or question in a particular life area, peruse the chapter focusing on that subject. Visit the chapters as needed. Perform the exercises, note what works and what doesnt. Develop your own ways of working with the Enneagram.

If you get stuck or have questions, visit my Web site at www.9points.com . The Gathering Place Bulletin Board hosted there is a resource for the worldwide Enneagram community. In the Oral Tradition Enneagram as I learned it from Helen Palmer and David Daniels, the best source for information about a particular Enneagram type or point was someone who inhabited that point. In other words, if you are having questions about how to deal with a Nine, ask another Nine. An Enneagram teacher can help by knowing all nine perspectives. But unless she is a Nine, she wont really know what it is like to live there. Only another Nine really knows. On the Bulletin Board at 9points.com , you can ask questions of people in each of the nine types.