Stacy Kaiser - How to Be a Grown Up: The Ten Secret Skills Everyone Needs to Know

I never wanted to be a therapist, a counselor, or even a relationship expert. I have always been quite content being a comedian, so when Hes Just Not That Into You , the book I coauthored, caught on, suddenly thousands of people were turning to me for advice on their own relationships. My strong suits are my opinion and my ability to offer some essential truths, particularly about men, women, and dating, in a candid but entertaining way. I have no formal training in counseling people. Even so, I was given my own talk show, where I was expected to give advice for an hour every day on a wide variety of topics, and do so with authority. Clearly, I was in over my head.

Enter Stacy Kaiser! One day we assembled a panel of experts; for some reason Stacy was in another room in the studio and on a monitor on the set. I guess we were trying to pretend we had a satellite hookup. Despite the cockamamie setup, Stacy was the brightest light on the stage! She was foxy, smart, intuitive, and made for all-around great television. I said to my producers, That girl should have her own show. Do you think we could get her to be a regular? And thus began my relationship with this extraordinary person.

Stacy became the professional, therapeutic voice of our show. And if you were one of the eight people who watched it, you remember how good she is at taking an issue, breaking it down into its simplest pieces, and making big problems not only understandable, but more important, conquerable. Stacy tackles hard subjects, but not in a hard way. She is a strong believer in everyones ability to grow and change, and she genuinely wants to help people enjoy worthwhile lives. She accompanies her straightforward advice with a big dose of understanding and encouragement.

Stacy and I share the belief that you are in control of your own happiness, and it really comes down to making better choices to support that goal. Figuring out what those choices are is the hard part. The ability to act in your own long-term best interest is one thing that differentiates children from adults. In fact, thats what being a real grown up is: making the smart (though sometimes difficult) choices while refusing to fall into negative self-defeating traps. Stacy has now brought you all of her best information on making these choices and, with this book, can help you learn how to do just that.

How to Be a Grown Up has been too long in coming, and its a book I wish Id had earlier in life. Stacy narrows daily life, and its roadblocks, down to its core elements. By exposing any underlying issues and offering practical solutions and support, she makes it achievable for anyone to make lasting changes in their existing behaviorsat least the ones that are keeping you from the kind of life you deserve to have! I particularly enjoyed what she has to say on the subject of grown-up love. However, whether its stress and overload, your appearance, addiction, money problemswhatever your issue may beshe has it covered.

Stacy Kaiser is a therapist, a counselor, and a relationship expert. I know this from firsthand experience. You see, she is the real deal. She doesnt do her work because she wants to be famous or on television. She truly believes she can help people. In lieu of telling you a long dull story about my life, let me just say that her advice changed my way of thinking. Most important, she was instrumental in making me see the value in my own work. So do me, and more important yourself, a favor. Take the quiz, read the book, and get on the path toward living the life you came here to liveas a real grown up!

GREG BEHRENDT

A s a therapist who has counseled thousands of people over the last twenty years, I have heard all kinds of stories about the struggles people face in life. While every person is unique, and the details and circumstances of the problems each one faces vary, I have noticed a common theme that often emerges in our conversations. The challenge we grown ups have is to effectively balance the desire for fun and freedom against our responsibilities. Many of the people I see have had entirely too much fun and freedom. They spent money they didnt have, skipped work or were late once too often, acted rashly and tossed away a valuable relationship, regret how they raised their children, or put a quick thrill above an important obligation. Often, a crisis or emotional dilemma brings these people to the realization that they need to regroup and take on some adult priorities and responsibilities.

The other kind of people I often run into have the overly conscientious, type A, got-to-have-it-all-and-be-perfect kind of personality. These men and women white-knuckle it all the way through life. They exhaust themselves trying to obtain the ideal house, mate, job, and children. They are overscheduled every minute of every day. They rarely have any fun and have no idea how to relax. They dont have date nights or time off with their friends or joke around at the office. Its all work, business, responsibility, worries, and getting ahead. They lack any sense of freedom! No matter what monetary success these people achieve, they often wind up unhappy, longing for connection, wishing for the ability to let their hair down, and wondering if this is all there is.

Personally, I have learned firsthand the satisfaction of achieving a balance in my life between my many responsibilities and freedom and fun. I made a conscious decision years ago that I wanted to live what I call a fully loaded grown-up life! By that I mean that when Im eighty years old, playing shuffleboard somewhere, I want to be able to look back and say my life turned out pretty much the way I wanted it to. I was responsible and helped people and took good care of my family and had a fulfilling career, but I also had a great time enjoying all the benefits and fun times this world has to offer!

Im sure youve heard the saying You can have it alljust not at the same time. I agree. This book is not about getting it all instantly. It is about maximizing your potential and thus maximizing your chances for happiness and success. In the quiz offered in chapter 1 and in the chapters that follow, you will learn how to balance your time and resources for fun and freedom while taking care of your responsibilities, all while managing a full and busy life.

My intent in this book is to challenge you. I am going to encourage you to examine who you truly are and what you want out of life, and Ill show you that being a true grown up is a very desirable state. Maybe you are aware of areas in your life that could stand some shoring up and you are exploring options to conduct your life a little differently while adapting more peacefully to its difficulties. This book will give you the tools and skills you need to take you to the next level.

Youve made a very grown-up decision alreadyto begin the journey not only toward knowing yourself better but creating the life youve always wanted!

I remember, as a kid, wanting so badly to be a grown up. I couldnt wait till I was an adult, because once I was, I was convinced, Id be free. I wouldnt have to go to bed when I was told. I would buy myself any toy I liked on the spot. No one could tell me what to eat, so I could stuff myself with junk food. I would decide which TV shows were appropriate for me to watch. I would do my homework if and when I felt like it, and no one would ever make me clean up my room. Bottom line: Id do what I liked, and I would be happy.

So, here I am, and so are you. Weve arrived; we are officially adults. Chronological grown ups who are free to live our lives any way we want to. Right? Well, sort of. Although we are free to make our own choices, we find ourselves still bound by all kinds of rules, boundaries, and expectations. Some we set for ourselves; many are imposed on us by friends, family, bosses, coworkers, mates, society, and the world around us. The big catch is that with freedom comes responsibility. A real grown up knows how to balance the two.