Daniel Gottlieb - The Wisdom of Sam: Observation on Life from an Uncommon Child

Praise for The Wisdom of Sam

Another beautiful volume from one of the few inspirational
writers who has actually walked the walk and not just
talked the talk. Gottlieb is a national treasure.

Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology, Harvard
University; author of Stumbling on Happiness

This is a heartwarming book written by the grandfather of
a young child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. The
relationship between the two is remarkable, in terms of
understanding each others point of view and life experiences.
The book can be read at many levels, from a description of
autism in a child and quadriplegia in a mature adult, to a
philosophical understanding of the meaning of life. I really
enjoyed reading the words of wisdom in The Wisdom of Sam .

Tony Attwood, author of The Complete
Guide to Aspergers Syndrome

In the imagination, important things are big achievements in
the past or future. In life as it is experienced, important things are
small, present, and moment to moment. This beautiful book is
a meditation about those small and yet important moments. As
you read it, you will find yourself settling down, breathing in, and
opening up to your own life. Consider it a gift to your heart.

Steven C. Hayes, University of Nevada; author of
Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life

When my sons autism began over 25 years ago, I tried single
mindedly to change him. After seven years, I realized that he had
changed me. Likewise Sams perspective through his different
kind of mind makes him an extraordinary teacher to his learned
grandfather and readers from all walks of life. Through Sam,
Gottlieb reminds us of the passions of childhood. This is a book I
will pick up over and over to take me back to that wisdom inside.

Robert Naseef, author of Special Children, Challenged
Parent; co-editor Voices from the Spectrum

The
Wisdom
of
Sam

Also by Daniel Gottlieb, Ph.D.

LETTERS TO SAM: A Grandfathers Lessons
on Love, Loss, and the Gifts of Life

LEARNING FROM THE HEART: Lessons
on Living, Loving, and Listening

VOICES IN THE FAMILY: A Therapist Talks
About Listening, Openness & Healing

VOICES OF CONFLICT; VOICES OF HEALING:
A Collection of Articles by a Much-Loved
Philadelphia Inquirer Columnist

DANIEL GOTTLIEB, PH.D.

HAY HOUSE, INC.
Carlsbad, California New York City
London Sydney Johannesburg
Vancouver Hong Kong New Delhi

Copyright 2010 by Daniel Gottlieb

Published and distributed in the United States by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.za Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouse.co.in

Design: Jami Goddess

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private useother than for fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Gottlieb, Daniel

The wisdom of Sam : observations on life from an uncommon child / Daniel Gottlieb.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-4019-2385-3 (hbk. : alk. paper) 1. Conduct of life. 2. Autistic children--Family relationships. 3. Grandparent and child. 4. Gottlieb, Daniel, 1946- I. Title.

BJ1521.G6355 2010
305.9085--dc22

2009034949

ISBN: 978-1-4019-2385-3

13 12 11 10 4 3 2 1
1st edition, April 2010

Printed in the United States of America

To Sam and all the Sams in this world.
Who are able to see things we can no longer see.
Who know things about the joys of life,
the beauty of nature,
and the opportunities each moment brings
those things most of us have long since forgotten.
May they be patient teachers
and we their humble students.
So that we may rediscover what
we have always known.

CONTENTS

When my grandson, Sam, comes for a visit, we usually have breakfast together. The conversation is pretty much what youd expect between an 8-year-old and a 62-year-old. Our morning talks often focus on juice and cereal. We might discuss going to the arcade later in the day. Or, if Sam is in the mood, he will tell me about his friends in school or how he feels he is doing in wrestling this year. And, inevitably, we will pay a lot of attention to our dear friend Loki with the soulful eyes and light auburn hair. As Loki is a dog, his mood is mainly dependent on one factorwhether he has been fed or not.

During the mornings transactions, Sam will give me a big kiss. And before breakfast is over, we will usually find something that amuses me and sends Sam into gales of laughter.

In other words, its a normal morning. Sam is bursting with energy and eager to get a start on the day, but each of us has our limitations. Im quadriplegic and will spend the day in my electric wheelchair. And Sam is a child with autism. It is hard to tell that Sam is different. That is, until he runs into children his own age, or is asked to leave his mother, or faces an unforeseen turn of events in the days schedule.

These limitations dont matter. We are who we are.

I started writing letters to Sam when he was born. A lot has happened with Sam, with his parentsmy daughter

Debbie and her husband, Patand with me. When I first noticed symptoms of autism, and Debbie and Pat got a diagnosis, we had no idea what would happen to Sam as he got older. Would he be able to talk, attend school, and get along with other children? The word itself, autism, covers a wide range of possible symptoms and outcomeswhat is referred to as a spectrum. The diagnosis does not give any prediction about where a child will be on the spectrum. So there was no way for us to anticipate future challenges. But having an early diagnosis, in itself, proved extraordinarily important, and soon Debbie and Pat were using all the resources they could find to help Sam make his way in the world.

Letters to Sam, completed when Sam was five, expressed the hopes, fears, and unconditional love of a grandfather finding his way with his grandson. Both discovering, each step of the way, the possibilities of that relationship. However, the correspondence was all one way, from Pop (as he calls me) to Sam.

Now Sam is growing up. Our relationship has gone through many transformations, but perhaps the best of all is the way he has become my teacher.