Natalye Childress - Aftermath of Forever: How I Loved, Lost, and Found Myself. The Mix Tape Diaries

The Aftermath of Forever

How I Loved and Lost and Found Myself

Natalye Childress

Cover and book design by Meggyn Pomerleau

All content Natalye Childress, 2014

Published by Microcosm Pubishing, 2014

First Printing, June 1, 2014

ISBN 9781621067139

This is Microcosm #

Microcosm Publishing

2752 N Williams Ave.

Portland, OR 97227

www.microcosmpublishing.com

Distributed by IPG, Chicago

and Turnaround, UK

for

Jake Corbin,

who first told

me to take

my pain and

write it out

By Jake Corbin

W hen I was in my mid-20s, I broke up with the first girl to ever hear me say, I love you, too. She was getting ready to leave town, off to a university many cities away, and we knew the long distance thing wouldnt work. Although it was the logical decision, the whole ordeal wasnt easy; nothing ever is cold turkey. Like many young people in a committed relationship, we had done an amazing job at being inseparable. Our friends often referred to us as Eric and Donna from That 70s Shownot just because we were always side-by-side, but because I was scrawny with puffy hair and she was bigger than me and probably couldve beat me up. It was a match made in sitcom heaven, but it was over. And when it was gone, everything Id known for the last several years disappeared with it.

Now, most books of the romantic persuasion would end with us getting back together, or at least tease the thought before ending, but life and works of fiction rarely share the same story line. A lot of people break up and thats that. Theres no going back to what once was. More specifically, we ended up more towards the we almost forgot the other person exists end of the spectrum. After sharing our lives for years, our relationship was abruptly reduced to a shoebox of mementos to be stashed away and forgotten.

As such, I reacted like many before me: I went to North Carolina for my cousins wedding, got tanked on White Russians, met a cute girl from St. Louis, drunkenly repeated the same story over and over to her, was reminded of what I was doing each time, drank a margarita out of a glass cowboy boot, finally fell asleep, then threw up the next morning.

But guess what? We werent even married! Breaking up sucks, even when its mutual, but being cheated on and surprise divorced is mind-blowing. The Aftermath of Forever definitely has its fair share of NSFW details. The book is no holds barred in a way that is usually reserved for secret journals and therapy sessions, or at least a late-night conversation between good friends. But for all the juicy details and frank talk of sex, what has really been created is a document proving life can be pretty complex. From Internet dating and relationships via e-mail to internal struggles dealing with culturally-accepted female stereotypes, this book offers a modern day perspective that is entirely different from most other authors (i.e., men) in this genre.

What also jumps out in the pages of this book is just how damaging a break-up can be, especially divorce. In the case of the author, a change took place that isnt really addressed. All the ideas of no longer believing in true love or long-term relationships were there, but that was just talk. Whats harder to put into words is how Natalyes personality changed; there was a spark missing. It wasnt always obvious, either, but every once in a while, in between the laughs, there was a quiet sadness that prevailed. That was never there before.

The other significant change post-matrimony was her selection process in regard to the opposite sexit suddenly became very lenient. People are drawn to Natalye for her strong personality and ability to communicate both intelligently and with extreme sarcasm. She didnt put up with anyones shit and spoke up if they tried to throw some of it her way. But during the period where this book takes place, we were often having conversations about whether she should call back a guy who followed up sex with being mean and ignoring her for weeks.

Everybody has their fair share of rebounds after a break-up, and Natalye was no different. The only problem was, dating a person or two isnt enough to get over having your heart stomped on and home life shattered. Natalye didnt just lose her relationship; she lost everything that went along with it. Thinking about having kids? Not anymore. What about owning a house? Cant afford it now. Settling down sure is nice, right? It used to be. So, of course, Natalye dated a few people. And, yes, a few of them were scumbags. But what can you expect when youre not looking for anything serious? Natalye wasnt looking to jump back into a relationship, and she ultimately attracted people with the same mindset. The way some of the boys treated her was pretty terrible, and she may have blown off a few herself, but it was going to end regardless. There was never a future with these boys, at least not the ones after her divorce. Like psychogenic amnesias ability to block bad memories, Natalyes rebound relationships were a way of not dealing with the ongoing trauma from being crushed emotionally.

Looking back now, I guess I had it pretty easy. I definitely made a fool of myself in front of a few girls after my breakup, and managed to go out on a few things I called dates. My fumbling attempts at flirting with the opposite sex werent always well received, but I dont have much room to complain. Im proud to report I eventually did meet my other half and have never been happier. Not only have we been married for a couple years, but she doesnt get too angry when I repeat the same story.

As luck would have it, Natalye hasnt done too bad for herself, either. Despite the heartbreak youre in store for with The Aftermath of Forever, rest assured that the dark cloud that followed Natalye around from time to time has been lifted; shes all jokes and dry wit again. Not only that, Natalyes belief in true love has been restored and is stronger than ever, thanks in no small part to her husband. And although he isnt the first guy to hear Natalye say, I love you, too, he will be the last, and thats all that really matters. Sometimes the aftermath of what should have been forever ends up being the best part.

W riting about sexual encounters and romantic experiences is certainly nothing new or groundbreaking. But theres also a reason why there is no shortage of people both writing and reading them. Its in our nature and our nurture. From day one, we immerse our minds in cultural manifestations of love willingly or not. We read books about love and watch movies that end in happily ever after. We delight in the examples of lacks erasure and desires fulfillment, believing that someday, we will find that happy ending for ourselves.

People in love tend to convince themselves that the love they experience will last forever. Otherwise, what is the point of entering into a committed, monogamous relationship? With the exception of the helplessly self-destructive or hopelessly narcissistic, conventional relationships should benefit both people involved in a mutual way. That is why we often enter into relationships with people who make us feel fulfilled. In that sense, love gives us purpose and validates our existence. At the same time, relationships function as mirrors to show us our own flaws and perfections in a particular context.