Serita Ann Jakes - Beside Every Good Man: Loving Myself While Standing By Him

Copyright 2003 by T. D. Jakes Enterprises, Inc.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture references are taken from

THE NEW KING JAMES VERSION. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982,

Thomas Nelson, Inc., Publishers.

Scriptures noted NIV are taken from the HOLY BIBLE: NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by

International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan

Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scriptures noted NASB are taken from the New American Standard

Bible, Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1972, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scriptures noted CEV are taken from THE CONTEMPORARY

VERSION. 1991 by the American Bible Society. Used by permission.

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To My Husband, who holds my heart and holds my hand as we walk the steps ordered by God.

To My Baby Boys, as I stand in the wings and watch them toddle into their destiny.

To My Big Brothers and My Little Brother, who stepped in and guarded the little girl in me.

To My Daddy and My Poppa, who left footprints on my heart as they took their journey beyond heavens gate.

Special thanks

To Dudley Delff, with whom I shared my memoirs and my dreams and whose hand became the pen of a ready writer.

To Warner Books, for encouraging me out of my silence.

To Cammy, My Girl Friday, who keeps me from day to day on task and moving forward.

To those whose lives Ive touched around the world.

Woman to Woman

First Ladies, as the wives of our countrys presidents are known, have often shared their husbands platform of power to address causes close to their hearts. In recent times you might think of Hillary Clintons advocacy for childrens rights or Laura Bushs passion for literacy. Thrust into a national spotlight, these strong women often discover opportunities to help those in need, to create programs and solicit aid for special causes.

My husband, Bishop T. D. Jakes, lovingly refers to me as his First Lady, and has uniquely encouraged my special gifts in ministry here at our church, The Potters House, and around the world. I continue to be humbled by the opportunities God affords me to speak, lead, and pray in a variety of settings. While numerous ministries spark my compassion, none capture my heart more than sharing the liberating truth of the gospel with hurting women. Single women, married women, teens, and those saints in their later years; successful businesswomen and stay-at-home moms; the widowed, the single mothers; those abused and hurting, those whose lives have left them desolate and afraid to hope. Women who shine on the outside with successful careers and beautiful families but whose lonely souls ache. All of these are the women who burden my heart, for I am one of them.

You see, I minister not as some Wonder Woman whos achieved sainthood, but as a sister alongside you on the journey. A woman, a daughter, a wife, a motherall part of who I am but not too far removed from what my husband calls my girls heart. I know what its like to be surprised by the unexpected joy of a friends love and devastated by the loss of a parent. Ive birthed some dreams and seen others shattered in the cracks of a broken heart.

Through my experiences and the lives of other women with whom Ive been privileged to share confidences, Ive examined dozens of issues that affect us inside, at the core of our identities: our childhoods, our parents, our dreams, our failures, our longings, our disappointments. Out of these various threads of our lifes fabric, one bold pattern emerges in every womans life. Put simply: the men in our lives.

Now before you think Im about to play the blame game (which can be tempting at times but ultimately self- defeating) and before you think Im going to diminish the power of a woman by saying she needs a mans approval (also tempting, but untrue, as proved by so many successful women in our world today), please listen. The issues surrounding the men in a womans life often remind me of spokes on a wheel. If a womans relationships with men are strong and healthy, then the spokes provide solid support and reinforcement from the hub or core of the womans identity to the outlying rim of her influence in the world. However, if spokes are broken or missing, the wheels center often lacks the reinforcement it needs. The wheel falters like a flat tire on a speeding car and ends up in a ditch, broken by lifes obstacles.

I believe if most of us are honest, we know the men in our lives have had a profound impact on how we view ourselves and our relationships with those around us. Most important, the men in our lives also shape our views of our Lord.

You may be saying to yourself, Serita, this is the twenty-first century! Ive raised children by myself, gone back to school, started my own business, established myself in a good career. I dont need men to tell me Im strong and successful. Perhaps all true, dear sister. Certainly in this new century there are more opportunities for women than ever before. Standing on the shoulders of our mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers, we have come such a long, long way. When my daughters tell me they might be a doctor or an engineer or an attorney, I know its within their grasp.

But I also know a little about human nature, about the longings of a womans heart, and about how our heavenly Father created us. I know, no matter how successful a woman may become, she still longs for her daddys approval. No matter how much money she makes, how many degrees she has, how many children she raises, some part of her soul still aches for the loving comfort of strong male arms around her. Its part of what it means to be a woman.

With the power of these relationships in mind, Id like to shine the spotlight on several men who play key roles throughout various seasons of our lives. Perhaps youve heard the old saying: Behind every good man stands a good woman. My mother used to say it to me when pointing out the successful men in our church. It was often a way to give credit to a woman in an age when some men wouldnt admit their need for an equal partner. If we were to revise that saying for today, I believe it might go, Beside every good man stands a good woman. Yes, we have made progress, ladies, and so have our men. We can now proudly proclaim, I stand beside him as strong, capable women.

In fact, the Lord created us this way. While God created unique and special differences in women and men, He created us every bit as equal to men and imparted to us special aspects of His identity. Male and female He created them (Genesis 1:27). We are precious reflections of our Creators image. And we are designed to interact with the other half of His creation.

Certainly what we need from and give to the men in our lives varies with the seasons of our lives and the roles we play. Its different for a young girl looking up into her fathers eyes than it is for a young woman seeing herself in the eyes of her boyfriend. Its different for a woman standing alongside her husband at the altar than it is for the woman standing next to her boss in the boardroom. Yet all of these interactions affect who we are and how we see ourselves, and this is the territory Id like us to explore together in these pages.