T.D. Jakes - T. D. Jakes Speaks to Men, 3-in-1

T. D. Jakes Speaks to Men
Copyright 1995, 1996, 1997 by T. D. Jakes

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

Previously published in three volumes:

Loose That Man and Let Him Go!

T. D. Jakes Speaks to Men!

So You Call Yourself a Man?

Ebook edition created 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

ISBN 978-1-4412-6031-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations identified NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

Scripture quotations identified TLB are from The Living Bible 1971 owned by assignment by Illinois Regional Bank N.A. (as trustee). Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

Cover design by Eric Walljasper

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to the memory of my father, Rev. Ernest L. Jakes, Sr.; to my brother Earnest L. Jr., whose presence in this world has made life richer and fuller for me; and especially to the destiny of my three sons, Jamar, Jermaine and T.D., Jr., whose lives have been a burning blaze in my heart. I know that they are manuscripts yet to be written and songs waiting to be sung. To the world I say get ready for them, they are being printed at this very moment and soon to be published. They will be well worth reading.

CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE

WHEN I WAS A CHILD

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things .

1 C ORINTHIANS 13:11

E very man, great and ordinary, famous or forgotten, enters this world traumatically and begins to perceive his surroundings through the eyes of a child. It is during these tender years that he experiences the beginnings of his masculinity.

Our development as men is shaped by the things we encounter as children. Our masculinity is defined by our fathers and our relationships. Dysfunctions in our adulthood were also shaped or influenced by the presenceor absenceof the men who fathered us. What painful childhood memories haunted young Adolf Hitler? Who touched the life of Martin Luther King, Jr., or of Abraham Lincoln? What childhood pains or dreams framed the thoughts of Malcolm X and Mahatma Gandhi?

Our fathers absence can form a sustained question in our minds, a haunting thought, Maybe it was something I did or something I lacked that caused him to leave . We learn the art of suppression early, deeply burying the painful questions and the native sensitivity that is so easily bruised. We suppress the natural creativity that springs from a probing mind as we encounter the pain of continually being told, Shut up! I dont have the time to listen to you.

Our fathers are our first definition and demonstration of masculinity. Unfortunately, our fathers model has caused many of us to equate masculinity with absence, irresponsibility, sullen silence, or violence. All the fruits of our manhood are rooted in our childhoodour self-esteem, our inner awareness of who we are, our sexuality, our preferences. They are all deeply planted in the soil of our early memories, experiences, and definitions.

God plants an infinitely curious mind within every little child and adolescent. As they grow older, many children bend to indifference and ignorance, while others surrender to scorn and punishment, and eventually most will finally succumb to a formal education that will quench their natural hunger for knowledge.

Young minds never stop gathering information through their senses, and they constantly process their perceptions. What do you suppose those Judean children perceived the day the young Rabbi, Jesus, rebuked the men who were pushing the small ones away from Him? What went through their minds as the children heard Him say, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not (Mark 10:14)? How many lives and destinies were changed forever by His tender embrace and unconditional love that day?

Within every man dwells the little child who preceded him. Manhood is rooted in childhood, and many of the thoughts you and I have today come from our early experiences as children. You may read these words with sadness if you are one of the thousands who involuntarily recoil at the mere sight of the words, Father, Daddy, Papa, or Dad . They only represent pain and loss to you.

I Spoke as a Child

My mother used to listen closely to me when I talked. Now I understand that my mothers attention dignified my opinion . Her actions confirmed to me that I mattered. Her careful (and patient) listening enriched my thinking process with a self-esteem that caused me to believe that my thoughts were important. Regardless of whether she agreed or didnt agree with what I said, what excited me was that she listened to me.

Jesus spoke when He was a child. According to Luke 2:4647, He entered the temple and spent five days listening to and speaking with the leading doctors of the Law while He was barely an adolescent! The Bible says these scholars were astonished at his understanding and answers (Luke 2:47 TLB ). If you want to know who someone is, listen to what he says! For of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh (Luke 6:45). Jesus started perfecting the art of expression early in His life, and even the leading teachers of the day listened to Him. What a boost that must have been to His self-esteem! There is something about expressing thoughts that airs out the mind and sorts out the closets of the intellect.

My mother stimulated my creativity by listening to my expressed thoughts. Her attention gave me respect for my own opinion, a respect that still exists today. I am concerned that in the busy world of our day, the children know we are not listening to them, and the pressure is rising.

Sadly, many times our parents did not listen to us. Neither have we always listened to our children or to one another. Thus we have raised a generation of angry young men. They in turn have carried their inner anger into marriages in which they believe no one is listening to them. This consuming anger has surfaced as violence, introversion, perversion, or outright self-destruction! Their self-esteem and integrity have been destroyed because they have felt muzzled all their lives. They suffer like bound and gagged prisoners in a rigid shell of outrage and despair.

As parents, pastors, and leaders, we often seem extremely stretched ourselves, but we need to listen anyway! Men who curse and swear or even become violent are just overgrown little boys having a tantrum because they feel out of control. They are frustrated because life isnt listening!

When I was a child, I spake as a child (1 Corinthians 13:11). We all need to be able to communicate our thoughts and express how we feel. Jesus said, But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man (Matthew 15:18). If there is anything worse than the rage, the frustration, and the other negative things that come out of us, it is the things that do not come out! Festering wounds are dangerous wounds. A rumbling volcano is a dangerous omen, a solemn warning of a coming eruption that could rain down destruction on everyone living in its shadow.