T.D. Jakes - Help Im Raising My Children Alone: A Guide for Single Parents and Those Who Sometimes Feel They Are Single

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HELP! IM RAISING MY CHILDREN ALONE by T. D. Jakes
Published by Charisma House
Charisma Media/Charisma House Book Group
600 Rinehart Road
Lake Mary, Florida 32746
www.charismahouse.com

This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission of the publisher, except as provided by United States of America copyright law.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked NAS are from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by the Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked NIV are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, International Bible Society. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are from the New King James Version of the Bible. Copyright 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc., publishers. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked TLB are from The Living Bible. Copyright 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189. All rights reserved.

Copyright 1996, 2001, 2006, 2011 by T. D. Jakes
All rights reserved

Cover design by Justin Evans
Design Director: Bill Johnson

Visit the authors website at www.tdjakes.org.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2001088549
International Standard Book Number: 978-1-61638-489-0

E-book ISBN: 978-1-59979-809-7
Available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

This publication is available in Spanish under the title Aydenme! Estoy criando a mis hijos sola, copyright 2002 by T. D. Jakes, published by Casa Creacin, a Charisma Media company. All rights reserved.

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Printed in the United States of America

DEDICATION

I DEDICATE THIS BOOK to all the courageous people who have chosen to raise children rather than abort them. You are already a conqueror regardless of your predicament. As you overcome new challenges you will epitomize the more than conquerors that Paul spoke about. You have chosen to fight the good fight. I admire you greatly, and I respect what you are doing.

I also dedicate this book to my own mother, who valiantly raised her children during many family challengesheavy work schedules, long illnesses, divorce, and finally the death of my father. For the most part my father was unavailable during my developmental years. He worked hard, he fought sickness, and finally he rested from all of his toil. To be sure, those were tough times for us all. But by Gods grace we endured hardness, and these gleanings of wisdom have much to do with Gods Word and His insights whispered in our ears at every junction of the journey.

You dont have to be from a single-parent home to have been raised by only one parent. My parents courage to raise their children through the tempestuous sixties has been the catalyst from which I was spawned. Heroes come in all colors, genders, and circumstances.

Finally, I also dedicate this book to my wife, Serita, whose unfailing love and matchless devotion have been the burning embers that kept me warm through the cold nights of stressful conditions. It has meant more to me than my vocabulary can articulate.

This is my gift back to each of you.

T HE PAST IS just a barometer that allows us to access what happened and make changes for the future. It is a compass, not a magnet. I was a young woman just out of school. Being the youngest of seven girls from a family of fifteen was within itself enough for me to learn a lot about children. We were raised in the rural areas of Marion, Alabama. The Lord had blessed me to complete my education, and I met my husband while teaching school in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. My husband, one of three children, attended college for two years and was unable to complete it because of a temporary illness.

When my husband and I started our family, he worked minor jobs with long hours for little wages. He worked for a stone setting company that traveled from place to place building large commercial buildings. I gave birth to our first child, and we began the struggle that was commonplace at that time. We moved from one city to another and finally came to reside in Charleston, West Virginia, where I reared my three children. My husband struggled to find suitable employment, and we wrestled to make ends meet. He worked so much that the children and I seldom saw him. Those were hard times. He worked several jobs trying to earn enough to support us all.

I had always wanted children, so I assumed the responsibility of raising the children alone. I truthfully had to analyze what I was working with in each child. I studied their potentials, knowing the strengths and weaknesses of each. It takes observation and prayer to be a good parent. By the help of God we made it. I want to encourage every single parent who for whatever reason finds themselves alone in the task of child rearing.

I assessed the strengths and weaknesses of my husband and myself. I knew that the children would be a composite of us both. They have a tendency to possess our negative and positive traits. Any single parent must be prepared to realize that their child is a cross between two people, not just one. The child is a cross between the man and the woman with traits of each embeddedespecially when the child is raised in an atmosphere where both parents are around. I always taught that association brings about assimilation. I then had to strengthen the areas of my mates greatest weaknesses as well as head off my own weaknesses and flaws that might be present in my children.

One parent cannot be both parents, no matter how hard he or she might try. It is impossible to be both, but you can supplement them as a vitamin does a deficient diet. The child needs to feel loved no matter what. Unconditional love strengthens your relationship with your child and helps your child to overcome defects.

The formation of my childrens character began from conception. I always thought that what I did while I was carrying the children also affected them. Call it superstition or old wives tales if you want, but I believe that a brawling mother who fights and wars through her pregnancy is more apt to have an argumentative child. While if you read and study academics, the child is more apt to be studious. For instance, I studied the Bible while carrying my youngest son. I never knew that I was carrying a preacher, but I was indeed. I think that in some ways affected Thomass ability and interest in Scriptures. It was in him from his mothers womb.

From infancy to adulthood, children must have some consistency. I know how difficult it is to wear many hats and have many children and responsibilities. Yet you get only one chance at this. There are no rehearsals and no real encoresexcept with your grandchildren, whom you kiss, counsel, and give back to their parents. That can be nice also.

While raising my own children there were a few rules I found helpful. I learned that listening was far better than talking. You need to be able to track and understand your children. I practiced never taking my frustrations out on them. I taught them to shoot for the top. I taught them to be all they could be. I remember telling them, If you become a street sweeper, be the best one on the road. If you become a teacher, be the best one in the school. I guess I was a motivator to them. I tried to be one. I always taught them they could do anything if they tried hard enough. When I hear my son speak, I hear that confidence and boldness coming through him. I must admit, I am proud of my children.