T. D. Jakes - Promises from God for Single Women

Table of Contents

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I would like to dedicate this book to my sister, Jacqueline Jakes. She is a writer in her own righta single woman whose amazing faith has impressed me and whose wisdom has often caused my spirit to soar to heights unknown. Thanks for sharing your wisdom to the world, offering practical solutions to singles, and powerful truths to all who love Jesus as much as we do! You sang to me when I was young and pray for me now that I am not. When life is hard, I hear your singing in my soul. When I need encouragement, I often read your words and weep. Keep writing to our souls.

INTRODUCTION

I remember sitting in a restaurant not too long ago. I was having a business lunch and my dining companion called to say he was running late. I occupied myself by perusing the menu, but after looking over the dessert options for the third time, I closed the menu and scanned the dining room, thinking that people-watching would prove more entertaining. There was the usual business crowdmen and women dressed in suits discussing mergers, acquisitions, and the latest market trends. A few tables were filled with obviously well-dressed women, often called ladies who lunch, talking about upcoming charity events and socialite gossip. But the table that seemed most interesting to me was one nearby occupied by three young women. I didnt mean to eavesdrop on their conversation, but they were so animated and talking so loudly, that I couldnt help but overhear. They were chatting about an episode of the show Sex and the City that had recently re-aired. They were laughing about the dating adventures of the characters on the show, relating to their various problems with men, and lamenting about how difficult it was to be a single woman today.

It wasnt a conversation that was totally unfamiliar to me. Many women in my church have come to me asking for advice on how to deal with the various issues that single women face. But I believe that single Christian women face greater challenges, caught in a society where television, movies, and the latest issue of the popular womens magazines all portray a certain image of the successful, happy single woman, and the church offers a prescription that is often quite contradictory. I imagine that its easy for a Christian sister to become confused and frustrated, wanting to follow Gods Word, eager to find love and a life partner, and tempted by the carnal pleasures that have enticed humans since the time of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. She may be getting pressure from family, friends, and even fellow church members to marry. She may be struggling with finding suitable men to date. And, of course, there is sexual temptation. Its hard for her to stay on the Path when it is often obscured by popular culture and the illusions of our own human frailty.

And it is not just younger women who are facing these issues. Women in their thirties who pursued careers may feel desperation about never finding love as they hear the tickingor for some, boomingof their biological clocks. Then there are those who are fifty, sixty, and even older who find themselves single later in life and totally lost, questioning how to navigate the dating scene. No, I dont think its easy.

It is not fair to assume that every singe woman wants to be married. I have known many women who have become comfortable with their singleness. Contrary to what some teach on this subject, singleness is not a disease. It is a sign of wholeness. To be single is what one is when he or she is not fractioned. It can be an indication of wholeness. If one is not whole before marriage I must warn that marriage will not complete a broken soul.

Although I know many single women who are leading lives that are full and fulfilled, one of the most common issues that is often brought to me is how difficult it is to find a good man. I hear complaints about how men are only after one thing, or only want women who look like fashion models (even though they themselves might be far from GQ material). And worst of all are the stories of betrayal and infidelity. I hear too many tearful accounts of cheating boyfriends, broken promises, and women feeling played by someone they loved and trusted.

But whats astonishing to me is that after they relate these sad tales, women usually end the saga with the plea Bishop, tell me whats wrong with me! as if they are responsible for the bad behavior theyve been subjected to. They worry that they are not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, sexy enough... just not enough. They vow to work harder, dress more fashionably, and find a way to win back this man they just called a dog! And all of a sudden it becomes all about what they lack and what they need to do to become more of a woman.

At the same time, a curious thing happens. Their anger and disdain get redirected to other women whom they view as their competition. Catty comments and jealous judgments about who wears her skirts too short and blouses cut too low. Ugly rumors about who did what to get a man. Scheming plans to get back my man from that witch who stole him away. These ladies get caught up trying to learn the rules, break the code, and win the game.

Sister, does this scenario sound familiar to you? Do you see your girlfriends, or yourself, in the description above? Well, I want to offer you a reality check. I want to share with you some observations from the many years my wife and I have ministered to single women. More important, I want to lead you to Gods Word, which reassures you that you are more than enough and everything He created you to be. You are a daughter of God and He created you to complete and utter perfection. You are part of His perfect plan, right now, right as you are. Not when you lose weight, not when you find a boyfriend, not when you get married. Right now!

Although you may sometimes feel lonely, remember that you are never alone. Our Father walks beside you and will never abandon you. Dont let desperation lead you to destruction. It is so easy to get swept up in the soap opera-like entanglements of this world, but set your sights on fulfilling the purpose God has set before you. He has a plan for you and it will happen in His time in His waynot one minute before.

As a Christian woman, you have more important things to do than obsess about finding a mate. Dont worry. Know that God has someone or something waiting for you. Your only job is to fulfill Gods purpose for you. You need to walk the path He has laid before you, serve Him and only Him, and prepare yourself for all He has in store for you. Becoming too caught up in the dating/mating/relating game distracts you from your Heavenly calling and keeps you from the Lord.

It reminds me of the parable of the wise and foolish virgins (Matthew 25:1-13). There were ten virgins who took their lamps and went to meet the bridegroom. The wise virgins filled their lamps with oil and took it with them, but the foolish ones left without any oil. They were probably so excited and so worried about making a good impression that they failed to prepare themselves for the meeting.